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70+ Days

Discussion in 'Success Stories' started by JorgeM, May 18, 2020.

  1. JorgeM

    JorgeM Fapstronaut

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    Its been 74 days NoFap and I guess Id consider it hard mode since I don't have a girlfriend. To be honest the effects are so subtle that not many people can catch it, however since I've been writing out my experience on a separate thread I can see the difference in posts ranging from mostly negative feelings in the beginning and then transitioning to positive ones later. Its so subtle that before looking directly into peoples eyes would make me extremely anxious and now its only second nature to do so, I don't even think about how it used to make me nervous. Having the virus afoot really does suck in ways of seeing how much better I've gotten and comparing it to before. I cant just go out to a club or be with friends or around girls to really get perspective but the positives out weigh the negatives right now. With more time on my hands where the 20 min would be spent masturbating, I instead use the time to meditate and now i've gotten pretty good at labeling. Labeling is a practice where an embarrassing thought or negative thought is just labeled as such, "Oh that was an embarrassing thought from the past." Then I move on, no pressure no added content to it.
    On my other thread I've stated how much I've struggled with depression, however anxiety was my main culprit that I had trouble with, but now whenever I feel anxious its extremely obvious where my face starts to tingle from the contracting blood vessels and I start to sweat with my head getting a little hot. It's an unpleasant feeling for sure and I cant believe I lived with that much stress for about all of my life, I wouldn't want that on others and If you're looking for an answer it might just be NoFap!

    I remember where I started nofap, It was in my cousins fraternity house after a night out at the club, I got a little too high and drunk and decided to pull up my new fetish called trans porn. God damn I hated how much i liked that shit, I remember feeling disgusted pulling it up every time. This might sound real homophobic but in all honesty I don't mind trans people or the LGBTQ community, but even a porn about these sorts of things can disgust anyone, the porn industry giving out content that make standards so high for people who are really interested in trans women and cant find them IRL because of what they expect to see out there. Trans Women are people too and I don't really think they want to be seen as an item for a fetish fantasy that many men want to have.
    However Ill be honest I was disgusted before because it was simply trans porn and watching it was just wrong for me, it felt alien like It was an invader that somehow got a hold of me and I just can't get my eyes off of it. Now I don't even think of it nor even have attraction to it, but I know that its easy to get into that cycle again since I've been reading studies on addiction recovery.
    Anyways, while I was at my cousins house I pulled it up and kept telling my self no, but something in my head just took over and I did it anyways. I fapped to it in his bathroom and felt extreme guilt doing so. It was a cousins house for gods sake and hes good dude too, in my mind its like if you took a piss on his front porch. So after that night I then decided to go cold turkey for as long as I can. Looking back I see how extremely important it is to have these moments of reflection and make a change, maybe you're going through it right now and think about the moment where you decided to change. That's good, keep remembering it because that was the real you that exposed itself out of the depths of your internal hell and is speaking out against your mental stigma. These moments of reflection might be the worst and best things in your life but reality is often very disappointing but also very exciting. That's life I guess, and using porn to ignore all of the disappointing really just makes more things disappointing.

    Without porn for a while I guess I can see what I've been running from. To put it into words, I'll say its a scared little boy that never stopped being scared. I had this moment of reflection one day, I don't remember where it was but I remember how it felt. That's also a huge simplification, its really hard explaining a feeling into words. Through meditation you tend to separate your mind and body from you. If you think of something at the moment your thoughts aren't you but rather the one observing them and reacting to them. That's you. Having that in mind you can really distinguish your past trauma if you have any, and observe. Through this observation you can see yourself in the present moment and you might either be horrified or gain some perspective. Separating yourself from thoughts is like coming out of the matrix in a way where the dose of reality hit and now you just know what it all really is.
    The true culprit for doing this was meditation, but the one behind it all was nofap because I wouldn't of done meditation without getting rid of porn.

    I recommend for people just starting out to really meditate as often as possible and do a mantra based meditation. I feel mantra is important because you say words in your mind to fill in the gap with everything else. So when urges come you fill in the space with your mantra. Im pretty sure that people here on nofap struggle with thoughts so control of what you focus on is very important.

    I've also been taking up micro dose of psilocybin, where it been proven to have nuerogensis properties, and it perfect for nofap since thats pretty much what were aiming for in recovery. To have new neural pathways with healthier dopamine receptors. Dont use it if you have signs of psychosis or are under 21. I've only been doing this for 3 days now so I wont preach to much about this since I have very limited knowledge about how it will work with recovery and I dont want to wrong people taking it.
     
    Deleted Account and Tiggy28 like this.
  2. Tiggy28

    Tiggy28 Fapstronaut

    Well done and thanks for reminding me to reflect on the moment that made me want to change. It was really helpful! Good luck on the rest of your journey :)
     
  3. LoveIsAllWeNeed

    LoveIsAllWeNeed Fapstronaut

    I looked it up at the internet and found this at https://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/308850:
    Did you get the psilocybin at doctor's prescription? Or as a 'recreational drug'?
     
  4. runksoneck

    runksoneck Fapstronaut

    nice man! keep going, definitely i agree with you about meditating, we are definitely not determined by our thoughs.
     

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