Hi All, I have been lurking on this forum since the beginning of my journey - and have found it extremely helpful in my journey - but am at a point where I need some help and guidance. I will try to keep my post as concise as possible. Background Age 32. Married. Got married in January 2021. Not a daily addict, but did watch it to get off all throughout my 20s. Although I would say I would get off more watching movie sex scenes and homemade real people porn than the fake HD version. However, a lot of that homemade was cuckold - ashamed of that. My hardest erections would be if I was having sex chats. These were with real women I met, not professionals. Used to masturbate with varied frequencies. Sometimes daily, sometimes weekly. Initially this was with my own thoughts - but later on movie scenes etc as explained above. Short Story -I knew I had erection issues with real women because I could be with women, but it would not get up. However, when I was on my own and having a chat or watching on screen. That is why I know I have PIED. -I got married in January 2021. My wife flew to me in April 2021 and then when I couldn't get it up ( although I could with her hands ) - I realized this was a problem because it would go down as soon as she stopped ( although it can still be hard inside a condom ). - In May 2021 I read up on PIED and immediately realized this was an issue. We stopped all form of O at this time for 90 days ( I had already stopped P & M in April 2021 ). However, sometime in July I started spending time on sexual thoughts ( these were of real women, not porn stars or any porn related ). - August 2021 I kept thinking and my dick started getting really hard with these thoughts everyday. One day it became really hard ( unlike I had seen in a long time ) and I thought I should get to re-wiring, so I Oed through a handjob. I got a few of those during the week, which resulted in another flatline. Which is where I have been stuck ( although I get sexual urges without the erection). - Although I was in complete hardmode since May 2021, I decided, with my wife, to take it up a notch. I now did not even think of sex and as soon as I got a thought, I would take it out of my head immediately. So no PMO from August 2021. Current Progress Realized I had PIED in May 2021. ( even though I had PIED since 2016, I did not know the term PIED till this year ). Last time I watched Porn : April 2021. I am lucky in the sense that I was never hooked on to it as much ( did go weeks before without much bother ). I have no thoughts about watching porn either, nor do I fantasize about it. Last time I masturbated : April 2021. Have not touched my dick since I read up on PIED. Don't intend on either. Last time I orgasmed : August 2021. This was through handjob and blowjob from wife. I do not follow any sort of models on social media. I work out 5 days a week, play sports. Cuddle, kiss and hug my wife regularly. She has been onboard since Day 1 and has been supportive and said she is willing to give me as much time it takes for me to completely heal. Morning Woods had come back after my initial 90 days in August. However, they disappeared after that and have only recently started appearing very randomly in December ( days 100+). My Concern I have gone through multiple forums and articles, and I have been, as per my evaluation, following hardmode ( at least for 120 plus days and No PM for close to 200+ days), eating healthy, playing sports, cuddling kissing etc, however, I see no progress - so want to know what more can I possibly do? It becomes very hopeless some days since my wife is very dear and attractive for me - however, whenever she mentions sex or anything of the sort, I just feel scared and not engage in it. Because I feel my dick won't get hard. Is there any advice on what I can do to make myself better? Also, if any sexual thoughts I get in my head, they are always about other women ( not my wife ), although I feel that's just because of PIED. One point though - I do get hard and have libido when I wake up. But disappears after that. Not sure why. Please let me know if I am missing something or if there is something I should do more. I want to be the person who takes my wife to bed, not someone who tries to avoid it. Just to add - feeling very hopeless.
I am 3 year free and still struggle with performance anxiety. It’s common and effects nearly 43% of all suffering from some type of ED. There is light at the end of the tunnel. It’s not uncommon to have multiple flatlines. You are on the correct path and the hardest part is done. Some people say fantasizing is still a form of porn. Couple things I have learned from these news feeds on the internet. Sometimes you need to jump start it. When you do sexual acts don’t think of anything sexual. Just concentrate on the feeling. That made a big difference. You are in a good place just keep it up and don’t get discouraged. When it comes to sexual anxiety just know your wife loves you. That deep breaths and be spontaneous. I can go six months and I’ll randomly get the same thing wondering if it will stay up and then it goes down. Breathing and concentrating on the feeling. If anxiety continues speak to a doctor. Your not alone and you will be ready soon.
Firstly - thank you for your response. Really appreciate it. Yes, it definitely has been tough these past few months. I have put a stop on fantasizing - wanted to go as hardmode as possible. I will take your advise on trying to be spontaneous and concentrate on breathing. The issue with PIED is that the line between it and performance anxiety is blurry. Although I do question why my reboot is taking such a long time - I do have the realization that I have no choice but to motor on. I do feel anxious and hope I can do something more to improve the speed of recovery, but I guess there is no definitive answer. That is why I came here to see if I could get advise from the greater community - and words like the response above are exactly what we need to hold on to if we need to get through this. Thank you to everyone in the community though. That is what kept me at this for months, although I wish for more than anything that this ends.
It will end and it amazing everyone is different. One day you will wake up or your wife Will initiate and sex will be like never before. You won’t have time to think if it will stay up. Your body just does it natural. You will be like where did that come from. Then it’s over and you just gained the confidence to over come performance anxiety. Which is the biggest thing that plagues people who has recovered.
Thank you - that is exactly what keeps me going. Appreciate the kind words. I just have one question I can't find much on in the forums - so was hoping for some guidance : Why do I get libido in the morning ( and my dick can get a good 70-80% hard if I don't look at it and rub it against my wife - even if I had not morning wood ) - but is limp rest of the day? Is this a sign of recovery or just an ignorable occurrence? Happens daily.
Creo q deberías de ir x ella ... antes que termine el año ... Están recién casados , creo q a veces nosotros mismos nos vamos limitando ....Te deseo lo mejor ...
No. But I do hope that it gets hard when a person touches me during other parts of the day, not just in the morning. More than just being hard - I want to feel some sex drive during other times of the day, which is currently only restricted to morning.
Why on earth would you want to be excited and get hard for random people who touch you? Can you get hard with your significant other at other times of the day? I mean, you aren’t 15, lol. We grow and mature, most men over 20 don’t walk around with a hard on. It sounds like you’re finally healing. Why do you want to feel your sex drive during other parts of the day when you can’t do anything about it? I’m just really curious, that would be far too distracting and frustrating for me, I’d never get anything done.
First of all Congrats and Welcome as a Newbie!! At the same time I'm saddened to see people like yourself and others are cured or almost done healing while I'm still suffering with brain fog, flatline, and with withdrawals. Not trying to be a hater but I realize how much damage I've done to myself. 7 years on and off nofap with 16 months harmode.
I always appreciate your input in some replies. I got similar issues as I'm always want 24/7 hard-ons. I always check to see I'm alive down there. Like I'm single right now, but I can't wait to have a girl for sex almost every day once reboot is over
Stay away from porn and masturbation and you’ll be fine. Focus on life,not sex. I hope you are looking for a woman for a relationship and not a girl, and very few relationships have sex every day or even almost every day. I was on the high end when it comes to libido, most of my friends did not want sex more than once or twice a month ( crazy! Huh?) they thought I was the weird one. Now, I’m just starting menopause and rarely think about sex, it’s like my libido just died overnight. Honestly I miss it and like it at the same time. I like not thinking about sex, but miss the fact that I never think about sex, so my hubby has to get me in the mood. I hope once menopause is over I get some libido back, but not the way it was when I was younger. I don’t want that.
What I found hilarious was how someone misconstrued what I said and then just unraveled everything with their own assumptions. Why would I want boners from random women all throughout the day when I am happily married ( ? What I quoted above was that if my wife ( read wife not stranger )touches me sexually ( read sexually not shaking hands) at any time during the day - I feel no libido and no erection ( read no libido to wife's touch not wanting a boner while cooking ) - except the hour or so after I wake up. I'm not sure how that's not a valid question to be asking - because if my dick is getting hard for the same person in the morning and not rest of the day where I have no libido - then there is obviously some issue going on?
"It becomes very hopeless some days since my wife is very dear and attractive for me - however, whenever she mentions sex or anything of the sort, I just feel scared and not engage in it. Because I feel my dick won't get hard. Is there any advice on what I can do to make myself better? Also, if any sexual thoughts I get in my head, they are always about other women ( not my wife ), although I feel that's just because of PIED. One point though - I do get hard and have libido when I wake up. But disappears after that. Not sure why." For those here with certain comprehension issues - wanted to highlight what I had asked. My libido disappears rest of the day and my dick doesn't get hard for my wife when she is touching me sexually etc. Which is my concern and question. Not sure how it unraveled from this to me wanting a boner 24/7 from random women. Guess I should have a laugh as well.
Because you said “ when a person touches me”…. But to answer your question- have you looked into if you have IA as well as porn addiction? About 30% of porn addicts have IA as well and this will cause you to be anxious about sex.
I used the word persons because it was the same with previous partners. I'd lose desire for them ( but at the time I was watching porn / movie sex scenes ) and getting off on that - so thought I was fine (what an idiot). I was once with a girl when I was 18 - and I had the best erection at the time. There was a long break after that and next time I was with a girl - dick didn't work. Could I know what IA is? Perhaps that could explain the problem I have been having. My porn addiction, from what I read on the forums, wasn't as bad, but I would watch movie sex scenes ( not daily ), and I think that is what screwed me. Aim is to never watch porn again ( to the point I don't even have social media account where I follow any model etc ).
