8 years Journey results in 3 year+1 year hard mode

congrats dude

hope I'll find the courage to do the same

 

congrats!

just want to ask some few things. sorry if this looks copied-and-pasted or looks like a spam, because I'm trying to ask others about quite the same thing on similar forum post, which happen to be among my most important concerns:
1. what are the most tempting times/worst times that you've been through? how did you get through it?
2. did some of your mental strategies fail you? did a mindset that brought you to PMO recovery fail you? if yes, does it happen once, or several times? how do you get through it?

thank you!

 

Congratulations man, about testing oneself is very true, I have been having this extreme depression a week ago and was seeing clearly how unhealthy and damaging porn really is therefore helping me tolerating the urges to relapse but as soon as I got mentally better and have been having healthy erections and thoughts, I masturbated once (which is my 2nd time I could get myself off without using porn since 8 years) and then started watching some Instagram models and softcore porn thinking it might be fine, I must get back to the road again and know that all these egotistical thoughts are nothing but my addiction deluding me and tricking me to fall back again.

 

Thanks for the replies, man!

There was something about your answer to the second question that intrigues me, but I have a hard time pointing it out before. Here's the thing:

You commented about things about how mental strategies are overtopping each other, as in the 'turtles all the way down' idiom, and how the solution is a quick kill instead of a mental strategy (I wish I got your message right). Can you elaborate on this? A good understanding on how this works might be really helpful.

 

take your time

 

So now only controlled orgasm after marriage? I mean seems like you want to avoid sin.

 

Again, thanks for the reply!

I relapsed again today after a failed attempt on dopamine detox, so I returned to this forum.

After seeing your reply, I did it immediately for 20 minutes; got around 55 lines on first try. Alongside your example, I wrote something like "Your brain lies often. There's always a better option". On my first try, I wrote your line 22 or 23 times and my example on a similar amount, so it's 22+23=55 times. I'll try to make it a habit for at least 40 minutes a day (especially when urges increase), so I can write 100 times per day.

The reason I made my own line is, I'm trying to emphasize to myself how all the mental rationalizations and anxieties lie to me (hence why mental strategies might fall into the same bullcrap [thank you for the awareness]; they probably are.. a meta-rationalization of relapse rationalizations masked as a solution to relapses), and how the 'better option' (that is, being calm in the faced of perceived 'doom' that my anxiety convinced me) is always available, given that being calm is meaningful (because of the resilience it creates).

However, there are some discomfort: I try to write those in a secluded place so everybody won't see me doing something that looks weird with a perceivably ambiguous message that might worry them.

What do you think of these? And by the way, how did you eventually reach 20,000? How did the habit/activity of writing those affect you gradually, on your way to 10,000 or 20,000?

 

Interesting concept, I use something similar but just in my mind. I interrupt the "pop-up" of fantasy immediately with it. I think anyone can come up with their own "mantra", if you will, to eliminate the thought and guide your brain in the right direction. I had not thought of writing it down as you mentioned. I'll start to do that as of today, thank you for sharing your insights brother!

 

I'm finishing my 5th day, currently on the 514th line today.... However, I relapsed a night earlier.

But to be honest, the method somehow also worked on my anxiety. I actually believed that embracing feelings do matter in the way I become more human and more vulnerable (in a good way), but when the anxiety takes way too long of time, I believe it's pure bullshit. Hence your method making sense: "...if they come back, kill them all". Within the first three days, I feel as if I'm invincible to almost all distractions.

This is why I chose to carry on with this method: I don't know if it eventually worked for me almost absolutely on the 10,000th time or 20,000th time (one method might work for a person but not for another), but if it has an effect on the short term, I'll do it regardless of whether the long term result will satisfy or fail me. If it works long term as expected, that's a big jackpot; if it fails long term, at least I know there's still a good influence or two from the method.

However, since the recent relapse/in the last 24 hours, I've been more prone to distractions. I know I should've been "letting it go on the first time, then kill it if it comes back" but I'm already in a looping 'circle' of distractions. Tried to be more mindful under the 'circle'; sometimes it helped to get me out of it, sometimes not.

Is this normal in your experience, especially on the early days of yours?

(However, thank you for the method, will continue doing it.)


ps, good thing: I've been doing this habit more openly on the sight of others in my family, they seemed to be okay with it.

 

Hey : anyone one with tips on how to overcome this physical withdrawal symptoms ,they are killing me , currently at day 21