A Buddhist retreat covered the first 6 days. The last 2 since being back have been more difficult but got through ok. Been feeing stronger and more alive. More masculine than have felt for a long time. The energy is strong though and if I let the thoughts run it's like an overwhelming urge. The craving is bigger than any I have encountered with other addictions I have been associated with. Over 2years sober, was nowhere near this difficult to resist a drink. Cut out fags, found that easier by far. Cut down on sugar. Pretty hard but doable once I discovered healthy alternatives. Lined up a few dates for the next few days and been promised sex tomorrow. Been allowing myself to think what I will do with her and that was a mistake because I very nearly had to take matters in hand but managed to resist. Gotta see this through. The addiction has sapped all my spirit and left me with only shame. Erections are no longer what they were and can't do relationships anymore. Wanna do 90 days. No porn or wank on my own. Already 9 days in. Wish me luck.