9 Days - Trade Unhealthy Relationships For Healthy

I've never had a "counter" before, but I have found over the last year that I normally go 10 days without PMO before I cave. Today on Day 9, I am preparing mentally, physically, and spiritually to run the race set before me.

Unhealthy Relationships

• I've had unhealthy relationships with food... eating to find happiness. Eating to fill time. Eating in front of screens constantly. I've joined a metabolic research program where I am weighed, and have my food logs checked twice a week. It's been a month and I'm down 22lbs. This program is a year long program with this level of accountability. Losing weight and having control over what I eat has enabled me to have greater control on what I spend my free time doing as well.
• I've had an unhealthy relationship with video games and streaming shows... At night, these were my main sources of escape from the stress, boredom, and thoughts of the day. I've posted my xbox and gaming monitor on craigslist and have packed them away. I've stopped streaming shows as well. This has forced me to sit in the uncomfortable and stress and process my day. Not only have I stopped things, but I started Yoga for my first time. Yin Yoga has helped me meditate, do deep stretches, and relax (I'm not a weird spiritualist, so my meditations have been great conversations with Jesus)
  
• I've developed an unhealthy relationship with Jesus... I was rescued from my sin after being arrested at 18 and was released from the holding cell. I had been taught all the right things to believe, I knew the gospel, I would have even told you I knew Jesus. It wasn't until this moment that I realized I never desired Jesus. I never desired time with him. I never desired to know him deeply, to trust him, to love him. I only desired him for what he could do for me. At 18, God finally made this abundantly clear to me. I turned from chase for happiness in drinking and girls and I asked Jesus to forgive me and to take my life fully. Even if this meant being a janitor in Africa - I wanted to follow him no matter what. This lead me to Bible college and eventually to becoming a pastor. I'm 29 now. I've experienced blissful freedom from PMO for months and once a year at a time. But, once entering the ministry full-time, stress, expectations, and isolation hit my wife and I hard. It's now that I've broken down, not caring what anyone thinks, and am desperately seeking freedom! It's in desperation that I need Jesus the most, and it's in this place that I feel I have become close to him again. Like walking out of the holding cell 10 years ago, I feel I've walked back into jail through PMO and Jesus has been there the whole time, helping me see that the cell door has never been locked. That I am free in Him.

Healthy Relationships

• I'm developing a healthy relationship with myself... Shame, guilt, self-hate have been staples of my life. Through taking control of my eating, my free time, and my focus on Jesus, I feel more empowered and prepared for this journey than ever before. There is now no condemnation for any who are in Christ Jesus (Romans 8:1). I need to remember this promise that Jesus has never sat up in heaven thinking, "Wow, this guy messed up again? I didn't see that coming. Why did I even save him?" But rather, I must remember that he would die for me time and time again. That he loves me and forgives me now, and forever.
• I'm developing a healthy relationship with my wife... As a result of my past choices as a teenager, I have grown to have a faulty view of women. Once immersed in the Christian world through Bible College, I felt that sex was always a bad thing. With this, I have experienced difficulty desiring to be intimate with my wife. Couple this with low self-esteem and addiction, its been very difficult on her. The last month, however, we've talked about this a lot. I intentionally pursue her intimately, when before I avoided it. I fight to think of her and her alone in any attractive way. She has been the best picture of God's love and forgiveness in how she fights in prayer for me and patiently walks with me through this.
• I'm developing a healthy relationship with Jesus... I've been teaching the Bible for multiple years now. It's easy for the Bible to become a text book or work project for me. However, I've found joy in going back to the gospels (Luke is my favorite) - reading it slower and not out of guilt or shame. I've rediscovered my love for journaling prayers and even drawing occasionally. I've been intentional to have time with God every day, just as I have decided to post/write/comment on noFap every day to stay engaged in community.

Thank you for the encouragement and advice you all give! I really do pray all of us find a real relationship with Jesus and that we learn to have healthy relationships mentally, physically, and spiritually.

 

Thanks Tao! Super encouraging. This group is blessed to have you actively engaged and helping guys like me focus on Jesus!