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9 months no PMO, still finding backup stashes

Discussion in 'Rebooting in a Relationship' started by Rakman105, May 15, 2020.

  1. May 15, 2020 #1
    Rakman105

    Rakman105 Fapstronaut

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    hey all,

    I joined the forum years ago in one of my first rebooting attempts.
    Since my final reboot in August 2019, I started reworking my 12 step program as well as begun daily meditation and alternative medicine with a shaman.
    I have not seen these methods mentioned yet on this forum, so figured I'd throw my experience in the pool.

    I just turned 40, I've been getting off to porn and nonnude images since 14.
    One of my biggest triggers is not necessarily porn, but nonnude images, or even seeing women on webcam and Zoom calls (especially now with so many webinars for business purposes).

    Over the years, I made numerous backups of my stash, particularly candid pictures I took and pictures/videos of myself and my wife.
    I always used to justify it was okay to keep those because they were "not porn," or because they were d my wife, but like my cannabis use, I have learned that just keeping them around is a slippery slope.

    After all this work and recovery, there is still fear of me deleting the last backup I just found tonight.

    Even after I delete it, I know I will have thoughts of undeleting, until I wipe all old hard drives of any possibility of recovery.

    I wanted to know if anyone had feedback, particularly in regard to personal stashes of homemade media. I have had honest and open conversation about them with my wife - she does not care to see them, in fact she has said that she doesn't understand why I want them when I can have her for real anytime (though that is not really true, since she is not always "in the mood" like pornstars or my non-living stash of images.

    Looking forward to your feedback... Thanks!
     
    Rakman105, May 15, 2020
    Rakman105, May 15, 2020
    #1
    Wugazi32 likes this.
  2. Jun 21, 2020 #2
    Deleted Account

    Deleted Account Guest

    Struggling with this too, I have images and videos of my wife...I know I should delete them, but for some reason Cant bring myself to!
    Like, they're a trophy or something??
     
    Deleted Account, Jun 21, 2020
    Deleted Account, Jun 21, 2020
    #2
  3. Jun 27, 2020 #3
    smokeshade

    smokeshade Fapstronaut

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    My Journal
    I think it's much more difficult to delete those kinds of pictures/videos than it is porn, especially if they were the kind that got SENT to you as opposed to ones you took. For one thing, once you delete them you definitely can't get them back. Porn is not like that; if a video or picture exists, it's likely that they'll be available SOMEWHERE and can be downloaded again. Second, it almost is like a trophy if they got sent to you. As a guy, getting sent candid pictures by women is a huge dopamine boost. And deleting those and just having it in memory can be tough.

    But why are you keeping them? Have you ever used them as masturbation material? And if not, could they be? If the answer to either of those is yes, then it might be wise to just get rid of them. There's not really much of a reason to keep them aside from feeling proud that they happened. And even then, is it really worth keeping? It's not 'porn' but it is pornographic and it can be triggering. I deleted the ones I had of my girl and it was pretty tough to do that, but ultimately I felt it was the right decision because the ones I had of her was when we started dating and it was the younger version of her. And it was just making me miss how she used to be and I thought it was making me get stuck in the past, and I want to move forward.

    Best of luck on whichever direction you take.
     
    smokeshade, Jun 27, 2020
    smokeshade, Jun 27, 2020
    #3
    Wugazi32 likes this.
  4. Jul 27, 2020 #4
    Deleted Account

    Deleted Account Guest

    Hey I am also in the very same boat. I have uncovered some pictures and videos and I'm not sure what to do with them. I used them as masturbation material in the past and I am sure they could be used for that purpose sometime in the future. It's on an encrypted drive that is very difficult to access, so there would be plenty of time to convince myself not to view it. In fact, I haven't look at it in months and only remembered it existed when purging some content.

    For me, I realize that I hold on to this content out of nostalgia, out of pride. For now I decided to leave them and decide what to do once I hit 90 days.
     
    Deleted Account, Jul 27, 2020
    Deleted Account, Jul 27, 2020
    #4

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