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Discussion in 'Events & Challenges' started by 2525, Oct 27, 2017.
Checking in again! My goal is to eliminate porn permanently and get healthy sexlive back. Also to increase mental clearness, help survive with eye floaters and heal my pelvic muscle chronic tension.
(I know its a massive long text with bad english knowledge and Im so sorry about it, but I dont know with whom I can talk to right now, and I just wanted to write it down, maybe that will calm me down...)
Well brothers, I just realized that I am very deep in a problem...
I'm 18 years old and visit the 12th grade in the second semester in High School. I went to High School because I didn`t know which job should I do in future. My grades are very bad for a High Schooler (average 3,5). My motivation for school is already gone. My whole family wants that I must go to a university and study there something. They know I got bad marks, but I must do a good Graduation Diploma, go to a university, study engineer... (thats the opinion from my family)
If I do a bad Graduation Diploma (means when my average is over 2,4), then Im not allowed to visit my sisters in russia these summer, should work the whole summer holidays or learn the whole summer for school, means no freetime...
BUT if I find an 'alternative', then maybe maybe my parents wouldnt get mad...
So I started to search a job that suits me. I did a lots of 'personality-job-tests' and all had the same results: I must work in 'artistic-cultural topics'. I searched and searched which 'artistic' job interests me.
Then I found it... maybe Game Designer or Animator?
Since I was 3 years old I loved to play video games or to watch how my Dad played it. I also love to draw characters from video games (recently also Anime characters). And if I think about it that I could be a Game-Designer, I feel satisfied and safer. Also I can start to work in August and can break up with the High School! But now comes the problem...
At first I got bad marks (average 3,5). And maybe my family or friends would laugh at it, so this job is a bit emberrassing for me. And now the big problem: What about the future? What would my kids think about it? What would a girl when I met one think about it? Maybe she will laugh at it. I mean no girl is interested about a men who creates pixel animations with fictive characters. Like my family, they want that I do a 'real' job.
Now Im sitting here, and I dont know what should I do. Tomorrow is school and everyday I just sit there and wait till I can get home. Everybody thinks that Im a lazy piece of shit. Maybe thats right, or maybe Im just done with learning topics where I am not interested.
Maybe I'm just exaggerating? Maybe I`m understating it? I dont know...
But theres also one positive thing I realized: Without NoFAP, without PMO, Im pretty sure that I would never realized this problem! NoFap opened my eyes...
Damn Bro I feel you
Maybe you should write on a paper which negavite effects does porn to you and hang it out on a door, so that this reminds you everytime what will happen after PMO? Or (that helps me) a background on your mobile phone or PC, where your idol is watching at you. And I can`t masturbate in front of a person who watches at me what I do. And you dont want to disappoint him/her, am I right? The first steps are the heaviest. Learn about it, accept it, and fight it!
Or when youre home alone, I use this situation to go outside for a walk. Refresh the brain with air and just relax. Walk and relax, maybe for 5, 10 or 30 minutes.
Wish you the best for your journey
Sadness is a difficulty for me too. Used to have a quick high with PMO but then feel even worse after. Hope we all find something joyful that lasts.
YES! That’s huge. Congrats!
Your English is fine, thanks for the honesty. I don’t know if there’s a culture difference at play in this decision, but for me and my family, I would encourage people to go into computer programming, digital design, cyber security, or the like. The world is going digital and it’s not going back to the old days. Gaming is not going away either, and a gamer makes a great IT professional.
I say, Do what you love. But whatever you choose, we’ll be here to support you. Congrats on the huge 39 days!!
Yeah, sadly, I have good starts every few days ...
Glad to have made it this far. If I make 15 days it’ll be my longest streak in years. This time feels different though. I’m confident that I’ll make it, and confident that I’ll get back up if I fall. I just understand myself better now, and I usually see temptation coming a mile away. I’m seeing my struggle like a 3rd party observer, and it’s more clear than ever what’s really going on. PMO addiction is the coping mechanism that I’ve used for decades to feel better, and I’ve had a lot to feel bad about all the way back to childhood. PMO kept me from addressing the real issues behind the addiction. I’m ready to grow again, in more ways than just quitting PMO!
Thanks for the support.
This time can be different. I’m pulling for you.
For some reason nature and the outdoors are antidotes to help us living free. I am heading out today...
Day 40 . Hang out with some friends , go fishing , eat food .
Congratulations my man!!! Love this post. This is exactly the way it should be. Keep fighting the good fight, my brother. If you are 35 or over, it would be awesome if you joined us at the 35 and Older Accountability Group. We've got a great supportive crew over there, and you would be a fine addition. https://www.nofap.com/forum/index.php?threads/35-and-older-accountability-group.203950/ Look forward to seeing you around the site.
Day 43 complete!
Day 73. Spoke with one person without guilt, shame, looking into eyes. A few weaks ago I think it would not be possible.
Had my 3rd wet dream of this streak, felt a lot of pent up sexual energy from the past couple nights but I refused to release by pleasuring myself
This challenge is starting to feel like a long term commitment, I feel amazing from this and I want to go all the way to 90 and beyond!
I can feel it, this is my streak, I must prove myself.
Wish me luck on my journey
Thanks for the invite my brother and the encouragement. I am joining shortly. I am 49 'years young...lol.