[90-CHALLENGE] THE NINETY DAYS CHALLENGE !

Day 67/90

 

77 days done...one day at a time, don’t pmo...just today, just today, just today I won’t pmo no matter what... I’ll use the time to do helpful, constructive, positive, creative, difficult, healthy, connecting things that make my life and other lives better...keep going everyone, don’t give up!!!

 

Day 1

 

Thank you brother! Last time it's getting difficult, but I keep fighting.

 

We just had small talks, that's it

 

4/90

 

2/90

 

Only your goals matter boy, nothing else.

 

DAY 1/90.

 

I am in on Day 4, have a long way to go.

 

Day 8/90

 

I would like to join this challenge. I am on my day 0.

 

Day 4/90 ..

 

Day 10 of 90: Happy Mother's Day

 

excellent reflexion. i hope when i´m free from this damn addiction, in my memories, i can write that kind of stuff that haunted my relations. i understand exactly what you´re feeling on your relations. i had the exact same pattern "my way or the highway".

my father was the kind of alfa male autority father, it´s was his way, we just obey, no discussion. at the same time he always critizes and mock us (me and my brother) everytime we didn´t match his image of the perfect kids with perfect understanding of the world. even though he pratically never tough us anything about the world. we were always very bullied by him. at the same time he was generous, always giving us all the material goods we wanted. so it was this inconsistent love/hate relation towards us. but i don´t blame him, it was his way of being, and my grandfather was much cruel to him than he was with us.

my mother was opposite in personality of my father, a depressive, neurotic mother. always complaining. but similar to my father in the ways that she provided what we needed, but never love, always critics.

i had lot´s of love relations in my life, and what i can see from them, is the pattern that my parents used on me "my way or the highway" which basically was: "girl, we´re gonna do like this". "girl, you do what i say" or else you will never see my face again. so it was this kind of pychology pressure to comply. i send lot´s of girlfriends to the hospital , some of them even leave the town, because they were so heartbroken to not been capable of matching my expectations. they´re never good enough for me. and of course my demands never stopped.

i see now that this behaviour was extremely reinforced by PMO. when we consume PMO we tend to see people has objects, objects that must obey and comply, so we become selfish and selfish.
only when i engaged in buddhism and meditation this pattern drop significanly. plus since the last 10/11 months when i started NoFap seriously, i´m becoming even more compassionate, more human, much less selfish. i can understand my wife better, i can really listen to her instead of imposing "my" law. in fact in these days i don´t give full credit to my will, i easily change ideas if others work better. it´s all ego poison anyway. i´m becoming a better worker, a better father, a better husband and also a better son.

our past history explains much of the ways we behave in the present, but we´re always 1 feet away to change ourselves . all it takes is will and work

 

yeah, i loved the film!!! if you didn´t see it go see, it´s very good .

 

it´s the body/brain fluctuations. don´t try to understand, it´s useless just keep going brother. Onwards

 

very good. Onwards my brother!!!

 

Day 1 complete. Had a very productive day yesterday. Feels great. Here's to another one...

 

30/90
5/90 no cigarettes

Without either, I have nothing to turn to when I am stressed.

I am seeing just how badly my body needs something to lean on.

I'm going to speak symbolically for a moment:

I think that there is a demon inside of me that I have kept alive through my vices.

Right now, as I starve it out, it wants to tempt me back into my vices.

If all of us had perfect hearts, imagine what the world would be. Instead, our hearts are wrought with pain, the place in which demons can play.

In catastrophe they show their face, only just enough to make you doubt. Get upon your knees and pray to get out of the Devil's game.