[90-CHALLENGE] THE NINETY DAYS CHALLENGE !

Day 36! But now is becoming more difficult to resists the urges. I almost relapsed today

 

Hang in there! Have a cold shower - what I really like about feeling the urges is that I know I'm functioning properly as a human, feels good actually up until I start feeling crazy ! Haha

 

Thank you!

 

Day 9/90

 

Hi, I'm 36 and I heard nofap yesterday from youtube and I joined the nofap today. I date girls frequently (different girls) and I also watch porn too (but not every day). I don't know if I'm an addict or not but I like to start fresh and want to leave past behind. I like to challenge myself, so No porn, No girls, NoFap, No date till 90 days. I hope I would be successful, my goal is 90 days.

 

Day 15
Finally home after the school trip. Damn I missed my home ^^

 

funny you mention that period. it´s exactly my experience, the first 4 days are pure hell, then i feel a bit better, but only after 2 weeks i start seeing real improvements. like you said, it´s payback for keep insisting in something that is pure destruction for us. let´s make this together bro, till the end, towards freedom. One day at a time.

 

you´ll make it bro, believe in yourself. you´ll make it.

that movie isn´t fiction, it´s what every rebooter says when they beat porn addiction. and if others can, you can, we can. Onwards my friend!!!

 

learn bro, and go again. we´re with you!!!

 

lot´s of new brothers. welcome my friends, stay with us, sharing not only motivates you but also motivate others. here´s some pointers to a strong and safe reboot that will save you tons of time and suffering.

1 - recognize beyond any doubt that your an addict. not someone who has a bad habit. Quoting from the book "Wack: Addicted to Internet Porn" from Noah Church (free on his website).

“The following 11 criteria are inspired by the APA's (American Psychiatric Association) substance addiction diagnostic tool and with some adaptation each criterion applies equally as well to porn

use (…). Make a tally mark for every statement that applies to you.


- You use more extreme pornographic material than you planned, use porn more frequently than you planned, or have used porn over a greater time span than you planned.

- You have several times expressed that you would like to quit or reduce use and/or have unsuccessfully tried to reduce or stop use.

- You spend an inordinate or inconvenient amount of time acquiring, using, and/or recovering from the effects of porn.

- You experience strong cravings for porn.

- You have compromised major obligations at home, at work, or at school due to porn use.

- You continue using porn despite knowing that it is consistently causing or worsening social or interpersonal problems.

- You have skipped or given up significant social or occupational activities in order to use porn.

- You use porn in ways or locations that are physically hazardous.

- You continue using porn despite knowing that it is consistently causing or worsening physical or psychological problems.

- You have acquired a tolerance and need more lengthy, varied, or extreme porn to feel the same or similar pleasure as when you first started using.

- You experience unpleasant withdrawal symptoms when you abstain and may use porn to alleviate these symptoms.


According to the APA, "As a general estimate of severity, a mild substance use disorder is suggested by the presence of two to three symptoms, moderate by four to five symptoms, and severe

by six or more symptoms."


2 - Once you accept the truth of your problem, recognize that you can´t control PMO usage. don´t waste precious time of your life trying to fit porn in your life, you can´t control this thing. “Oh… maybe on these days, or only on that days….” Forget it. See for yourself, if you could control this you wouldn´t be an addict in the first place. the only way to break free from the addiction is to abstain from all sexual indulgence till a point you have good health and no desire to PMO.


3 - motivate yourself daily to the reboot. PMO destroys a lot of areas in life but what are those things that really pisses you off? How do you want your life to be? That´s your motivation. Motivate several times per day through the entire reboot, because the urges and porn thoughts will be alive and kicking. Motivation can come from a text, a video, a music, whatever, anything that boosts you to keep doing the reboot. Sucess stories of ex-porn addicts are also good motivators.

Motivate with different tools everyday to avoid repetition and loss of effect. Writing a reboot journal or a motivational diary is also good.


4 – you can´t do this alone. Studies show that is very rare to someone to overcome an addiction alone, almost impossible. That´s because the very feeding ground of addictions is isolation. So the treatment goes in the opposite direction. You need partners, groups, therapy, forums, whatever, do as you prefer, but stay in touch.


5 – motivation is important to keep the willpower high, however it´s not enough because the addiction has a very strong pull. So create physical barriers against PMO. this means install porn blockers and usage of electronic devices with screens facing exposure, doors open, etc. I strongly recommend to fapstronauts don´t be home alone with electronic devices in the first month (or even in the entire reboot). this is because the compulsion to PMO is very strong in the beginning and will make you go autopilot very easy if the circunstances are gathered.


6 - delete any porn/softcore material that you have. if you keep something with you that means you´re keeping the flame alive.


7 - withdrawal is hard, sometimes harder than the addiction. but after some days/weeks withdrawal ends, the addiction never ends. Prepare yourself for fatigue, irritation, deep sadness, insomnia, brain fog, headaches, etc... but don´t worry, after a while energy will start to rise and you´ll feel amazing . it´s worth all the efforts. to minimize withdrawal always stay well fed, hidratated, an build a good sleep hygiene. sleeping pills, vitamins and antidepressives can also help.

Brain fog is one of the worst symptoms of pmo usage, so i recommend this technique to help cope with it.




8 – Avoid alcohol and sugar consumption. These substances drain energy and promote lethargy and depression. Never get drunk. Excessive alcohol prevents your brain for rewiring, leads to (extra) fatigue, irritation and brain fog. it will also deplete your willpower making you more likely to relapse.

Also stay away from screens, wether TV, PC, mobile, whatever.... screens cultivate a passive attitude. they rob awareness and create dullness. if you want to interact with screens that´s fine but only for a specific reason. when that reason is over, the viewing must be over also. Another problem with spending too much time in front of electronic screens its because of the blue light they emanate. this can a create a syndrome called “dry eye” which can cause disturbances to fall asleep.


9 – practice meditation daily or any kind of relaxation technique. This is very important to calm the body against urges and help cope with withdrawal symptoms.


10 – Negative feelings are common triggers to PMO. This is a crucial part of the reboot because many times relapses happen to escape pain or discomfort. We have to deal directly with the parts of our experience that are unconfortable and cope with them in constructive ways, we need to develop new skills. If we don´t deal with those feelings, at neurological level, the midbrain that is severely hijacked by PMO, will start to take over for the “dopamine solution”. that´s why it feels we enter automatic mode just before a relapse.

So if you feel bored follow the trail of inspiration, ask yourself "what do i really wanna do right now?" and act out on the answer. Even if at first you only feel a small pull, do it anyway. After a while energy will increase so as the mood and you´ll be inspired to do other things.

If you feel sad accept the situation that cause it, or change it if you can. also talk with someone about it and do something pleasant. Stronger emotions like anger or hurt i recommend meditation. A good exercise is the 3 minute breathing space meditation, it´s specifically designed to cope with hard moments.


11 - in the reboot you´ll have flatline periods (total absence of sexual desire) and periods of strong sexual urges. to deal with urges my recommendation is to let them be, just observe them, don´t engage in them. keep doing whatever you´re doing. the urge may be very strong, but it will pass, it will pass totally. in extreme cases, click the panic button on nofap, get out of the house or take a cold shower.


12 - do physical exercise regularly. that will boost your mood and release sexual energy in a positive way.


13 - write a goodbye letter to porn. be brutally honest. an addiction is also a relationship so cry your heart out, say all the things you want to say, and say goodbye.


14 – create a new life. this is the step i found more important (sideways with the daily motivation). why? because you´re not only abstaining from porn/masturbation, you have to replace those behaviours for others. or else porn will return, no matter how much time as gone by. PMO will leave a void so you have to create a new life system to fill that void. So what do you really wanna do with your life? What are your passions? Go for them, daily, live your dreams. This is very important because as time goes by your willpower to continue nofap may oscilate so you have to gain enough passion for your new lifestyle to prevent a fall back. Also if you don´t gather enough structure and purpose, by homeostasis your brain will not accept the change and make you relapse. So time is not relevant, what´s crucial is what you do with time.


15 - the addicted mind will not break easily. it´s likely that you´re gonna relapse, relapse a lot. the key is too keep going, never give up. if you don´t give up you will make it. Garanteed. This aplies with everything in life. You just have to want it, badly. If you want it you´ll get it, you will find a way. All the excuses that we put up “oh i´m not strong enough”, “not smart enough” “not good looking” “not rich enough”, “oh, i´m super addicted” “oh, i´m just unlucky” bla bla it´s all ideas that are not tested, excuses to justify failure and make us feel pity for yourselfs while time is passing by. Plain and simple, if your not getting what you want, it´s not because of circunstances, it´s due to your lack of determination and self-discipline. Perseverance is the game changer. So in each relapse try to know something about yourself, how your mind works, what are the triggers. knowledge is power.
Write down all the lessons that you learned with the relapses or risky behaviours. put places, dates and consequences, make it the most vivid memories you´ll have. Read them every day as part of your motivation, by negative reinforcement it will help boost your nofap journey and make you aware of potencial hazards.
If you relapse try not to binge (relapse multiple times), the bigger the binging the harder the withdrawal.


16 - avoid any kind of sexual stimulation. Anything that we consciously engage with a lustful purpose: engage in viewing, engage in hearing, engage in touching... will make dopamine being release on the unbalanced brain. stimulation will increase urges and destroy motivation for other things (as PMO is still the main drive). So don´t believe your mind if it tells you to peak, it never wants just that. after that the addiction will kick in strongly and start drilling until it breaks you. The same goes for touching. So it´s better to not even start.
The ideal is to make a 180º shift on reality. Engage in totally different activities through the day. luckly there´s a million to do things that have nothing to do with sex.
if you have a partner and want to have normal intercourse try to abstain at least on the first weeks to give the brain a rest. If you do sex but thinking on porn that means you´re using your partner as an object. That´s a relapse.


17 - you can´t go back to porn. this probably is the harshest truth you can hear - it was mine, and it is for many people - but it´s the truth nevertheless. Why? 2 major reasons.

- you´ll be an ex-addicted, always. that means you can´t have a normal relation with porn. if you engage in PMO, sooner or later you´ll become an addict, again. Quoting from a gambling disorder specialist, he wrote why ex-patological gamblers could never come back to money games. This naturally aplies to other addictions as they all have the same backbone:
"We talk about treatment and not cure because there´s a lot more data at neurobiological and genetic level that stated that dependency is a cronic problem, but not terminal. This means through treatment it´s possible to conquer life quality built on abstinence. (...) My 15 years experience dealing with dependency disorders makes me afirm that whoever had severe dependency can not attain the desired control to consume. Generally speaking it´s only a matter of time until the obsession, the compulsion and the impulsiveness return. These are the factors that lead to loss of control and priorities switching that caracterize this behavioural dependency, among others"

- in high speed internet, there´s an infinite suply of sexual material, new sexual material. dopamine is released not only by viewing and fapping but also by searching novely. The search itself creates excitment. So once you give your brain a taste of the "stuff" it will crave for more, always more.


18 - destroying any hope of going back to PMO will make the reboot stronger and more determinated. This is because some fapstronauts secretly do the reboot in order to gain control over porn, so to use it in moderation. But as we have seen before, this is impossible. Plus if the goal of the reboot is to use porn, porn is still in the horizon. This becomes a contradiction to the present streak and will make it much harder to endure. On the other side all ex-addicts firmly agree that no one ever wants to go back to porn cause life now is too good to be true, too good to go back to hell. Rebooters that did tried to PMO again founded that they couldn´t control their behaviour and had to do the reboot a second time. Some said the second reboot is harder than the first one. This is why you feel depressive sometimes - you´re leaving a deeply engrained behaviour. But seen from another perspective you´ll loose something that´s close to you now, but you´ll gain an amazing life beyond your dreams. Quoting some successful rebooters:

“Nofap will make you live the life that you dream of”

“In nofap you´ll be so happy that you won´t know what to do with yourself”


19 - 90 days usually is the standard time to recover from porn addiction, sometimes it may take long. Counting the days can boost your confidence but it also has down effects. Counting may create the sense that only when “that” specific day is reached everything will be fine, your life will be perfect. so you focus on the time and not the process, which is your life. This can make a streak harder to endure by putting extra pressure to reach “that” day and not reset the counter meanwhile. To avoid this trap see nofap as a lifestyle and not merely a time challenge. The challenge is for the critical shift, the reboot. After that nofap evolves to a lifestyle.

It can also help to create two counters:

- One global counter that indicates how many days you´ve been in the nofap journey (clean days and relapse days).

- One consecutive counter that indicates your consecutive days in the present streak.

Resetting the counter can be demotivating, it creates the sense that your recovery is on zero, and that´s not true. the more days you spend without PMO the more your brain rewires and learns to live a life without unnatural sexual stimulation. By having two counters you´ll have a better sense of your growth.

Overall, don´t give importance to what day you´re in, don´t care about the 90 days. Addictions are cronic diseases so avoid thinking on absolute terms. Statements like: "i will never fap again" "pmo never again", "i´m out of this forever..." etc, these kind of thinking helps the addiction. it´s based on the same impulsiveness that leads to pmo. so instead of making absolute promises, it´s better to think moment by moment, day by day, "this moment, this day - no pmo". this will remove pressure off yourself and allows for the only thing that you can do right now which is dealing with the present moment. That is the core of living in abstinence.


20 – besides the damaging effects that porn does to your body and mind there´s another problem much deeper that goes through society. You see, we´re not really addicted to porn, we´re addicted to sexual stimulation - lust. We tend to internet porn because it´s the fastest, easiest and most graphic form of lust there is.
Sex should come in the context of a loving strong connection. Lust - whether from porn, softcore, hookers, your dirty mind, etc… - reduces human beings to objects. We stop seeing a person as a whole and reduce it to it´s sexual feature. We´re using people instead of loving people. It´s the same nature of killing, stealing, etc… we´re not respecting others, we´re abusing them.
Society has a great deal in why things are this way, we are constantly being bombarded by sensual materials, it´s everywere. And that is something we must strongly say “NO”. We should know somebody´s body when we know their traits. That creates a deep connection between two people and through it sex becomes a transcendental experience.
So everytime society presents you with the glorification of the body, wether from movies, magazines, internet, prostitutes, etc… turn your head away. People are not body parts, they do not exist to satisfy our needs. I have no doubt that the lack of compassion and much of the violence between men and women are deeply rooted in the way society encourages the reduction of people to objects.
So if you can see from this perspective, the attitude towards PMO changes from “fighting it off” your system, to “giving it up” because it´s plain wrong.


21 – the reboot implies 100% commitment. If you don´t take it serious neither will be the results. If you take it serious, like if your life depends on it, the change is at your hand. You´ll become a new person: happy, faster, stronger, smarter, confident, social, peaceful. You´ll become a high successful person and there will be pretty much nothing you can´t accomplish because after conquering your own demon you can conquer anything.


i wish you the best luck, strengh and focus my brothers. believe in yourself, you can do it.

 

Day 26/90 check in. "Don't look, don't look!"

 

Thank you. I learned a lot from this. I always, set my eyes on two weeks because that is when I really start seeing changes. I always knew that was not helping.

I did not realise that ultimate statements were not helping me but hindering me. I had always heard I day at a time. Never really understood. Now I do.

Exercising uses up sexual energy? That's good news. I will start.

I am horrible for sitting in front of screens. I think I am addicted to them. I am off of Facebook. Just a few days ago. I should set a limit of an hour a day on screens. I need to find other things to do. Play my guitar, piano, write, compose, audiobooks, read. I try to do these things. I am beginning too see why I struggle to do these things I love doing. Fear. I just asked myself what I was afraid of. My dad immediately came to mind. He has never supported any of my hobbies. Bullied me in subtle ways about them. Good info.

Anyways. Thanks for this post.

 

Thank you for this amazing post, I've bookmarked the breathing space meditation vid. This time I do feel like my life depends on my commitment and my success. Either I choose to change and take on the world and get what I want from life or I choose the opposite..that's how it feels. And I choose to change goddammit. Give me life.

 

Completely agree with you. And you`re right, I saw NoFap like a time challenge. Thinking about to restart my counter to 0 made me sad, but it motivates me to never go back again this shit. I`m trying to see it as a lifestyle, it?s hard but at least I`m trying it

 

Date started: Jan 25, 2019
Day 160/163 no PM (relapsed day 51, 70, 102)
Day 61/90 consecutive no PM
Day 163 no alcohol or caffeine
Day 41 of weight training
- connected with a guy on nofap who has a similar family situation as me
- this makes me feel hopeful that I will maintain a no PMO lifestyle after this 90 day challenge since most of my acting out is a result of my family dysfunction and me self medicating bad feelings about myself and my role in it
- I am hoping we can support each other to face and deal with our dysfunctions
- time will tell but he wrote a lengthy message to me and I him so that is a good start
- wishing everyone the best in resolving their issues with their nofap journey

 

Thanks for this information which is spot on IMO. The only thing I still am puzzled by is how you know all this but your own day counter is only at 5. I have read about many of your relapses and am interested to know why you keep falling off the wagon, so to speak, if you are willing to share. Feel free to private message me if needed. Thanks.

 

Day 13 check in. But day 17 no PMO

 

Thanks for sharing. Wonderful material

 

So... 40 days to go for the year. I can't believe it

 

day 43