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Discussion in 'Events & Challenges' started by 2525, Oct 27, 2017.
P could be easily killed specially if u r old
But M to memories or fantasies still the hardest challenge
I"ve terabytes in my brain loaded with P
HOLD UP MAN
I did it ... day 9! First time in this year. Problem is: Many clothed women are triggering for me. But also I care more about humans!
9 days are 10 % of 90 days.
So my reboot level has reached 10 %
Stressful day, all too predictable outcome. Cannot use that as an excuse, or revert to type every time it happens. Need to learn to deal with that, and other negative emotions, without resorting to this crutch.
On a positive note, it was better than last time and the two times before that, so potentially making progress and building. Also have a friend coming to visit for a couple of days, so that should give me a good start on the next streak.
Keep going everyone!
7/90 one clean week without porn or coffee
25 of 90 hectic and busy
0 days no PMO. Had an 11 day streak.
0 days no junk food
3 days no alcohol. 1 14 day and one 12 day streak. 1 9 day streak.
67 days no posts on Facebook.
Prayed my chaplet of Divine Mercy.
Prayed my litanies.
Czestochowa prayer card.
Talks with God and Mary.
Off to work camp tomorrow. Away from my near occasion of porn(computer). I wasworried about what I would do on my days off when I came back. I thought of something. I have my camp room. I can bring the chords for it up there so I can't use it when I get home. I can't get over this addiction with access to my computer. P on my phone just does not interest me. I think it is the size of the screen. It's not near as intense on my phone and I just have no interest of looking at it on my phone. If I do start looking at it on my phone I will order a phone that I can't get internet access. I think I am going to be ok though.
I really wish I would not have gotten busted with porn so much by my mom. She has a real good way of making me feel like a bag of crap. Her making me feel so small about watching porn made me hate my sexual feelings and think they were bad. I dared not have any feelings of affection for girls. I dared not feel anything for girls because I thought those feelings were bad. Evil. Yikes. That flipping sucks.
Affection was not welcome in my house. All rigid. It was all rigid. Rules and yelling. Was not allowed to be a human. Sucks sucks sucks. Messed up.
I could not even have affection for God or Mother Mary for a long time. I thought it was bad. I am starting to feel affection for them both now. No wonder I kept turning to porn.
I think my life is about tochange.
Day 8 relapseddd.
I relapsed, i just dont even know why my will power is so weak, i am just not able to control the urges
Back to day 0
I think i will have to keep trying until i succeed
Day 3 / 90
I'm in again after multiple relapses. Tomorrow is a new day for a brand new start. 09.09.2019 here we go..
That is the attitude!