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Discussion in 'Events & Challenges' started by 2525, Oct 27, 2017.
welcome bro, let´s do this!!!
lot´s of brothers with Christmas targets. love that vibe brothers, let´s all do this together . come to the forum everyday, motivate yourself to the reboot, and whatever happens, don´t peak. even if the urge is killing you, DON´T PEAK. the urge will pass, it will pass totally. trust the process.
i´m a subscriber of JK Emezi newsletter, he´s a famous porn rebooter coach. today i´ve open an email from him sent in August i believe. a very powerful email with powerful truths. i´m sharing with you brothers. have a nice day
Have you ever felt confused about why you can't seem to "figure out" your porn addiction?
Ever got the point where you told yourself ( or some counselor told you): "If I just figured out the root cause, everything would be ok" ?
Over the past 7 years, I’ve helped men identify their most crippling beliefs about porn addiction and rebooting.
Today, I’ll be revealing exactly why you can’t break free of your addiction.
I'll be sharing the top 12 beliefs I and my recovered clients have identified which MUST be overcome in order for your to truly experience success in overcoming your porn addiction.
These beliefs are the biggest obstacles to your freedom.
I highly recommend that you identify the beliefs which are holding you back.
1) My problem with porn is because of other people:
You believe that its you wife’s fault for letting herself go. Your Dads fault for abandoning you. Your childhood abusers fault for taking advantage of you...
None of these are wrong…but until you move the burden of responsibility for your recovery over from others to your shoulders- you cannot make progress.
Forgive and take responsibility.
2) I don’t think I can handle life without using porn and masturbation:
You can’t imagine a black and white, colorless, seemingly boring life without the excitement of sexual stimuli from porn.
What sort of life would that be?
Let me tell you, brother…within you, there are resources you can't even begin to imagine.
There is power, joy, and overwhelming happiness.
Just like a professional boxer must take off his protective training headgear before a fight, or a child must remove the training wheels from his bicycle before he can ride correctly, you must let go of your dependence on pornography before you can access the better gifts life has to offer within you.
Let go of your crutches. Step out of the sidelines and start enjoying the game of life with the big boys.
3) Maybe I can just use occasionally:
Sorry brother. Some men can masturbate occasionally after rebooting. It’s a natural sexual function.
But porn addicts?
You and I know damn well that you’ve watched more porn than ANY of your male ancestors. Think about it.
You’ve masturbated to and seen more naked women than every man in your lineage stretching back thousands of years.
You don’t need any more porn. You need healthy, intimate, exciting sex.
Occasional use and “Moderation” does not work.
You can't "taper off"
I’ve worked with almost 700 males clients and never once seen it happen.
A crack addict can't "occasionally" use crack. A porn addict can't occasionally use porn.
4) Life won’t be fun — I won’t be fun — without porn, out of control sex and masturbation:
You believe that sex THE key component of fun. Don’t get me wrong- sex is amazing.
Its among my top 5 fun things to do- but its not the only requirement for fun.
In my twenties, I thought life was nothing without sex. Sex was number 1. What a fool I was. I wasted so many years and I STILL pay the price today 11 years after my reboot.
The sad thing about this belief is how powerful it is. Sex is best enjoyed when it is controlled.
When controlled, you learn how to understand its fleeting nature. It teaches you what everything from orgasm, to pain, to life is temporary. However, when its your only for of fun- you learn nothing. It eventually becomes a curse. A temporary pleasure which you have unnaturally prolonged through pornography and escalating sexual tastes.
Give yourself a chance to experience the thousands of other forms of fun we are fortunate to have access to as humans. Sexual pleasure can still be high up in your priorities- but not too high that it makes you lose sight of the other pleasures of life.
5) I’m worried I will turn into someone I don’t like:
You believe men who quit porn and masturbation are repressed, strange, uncool, square, asexual, ________ fill in the blank. The funny thing is that…you already don’t like yourself. Many men believed the same…till they quit porn and became the best version of themselves.
You only fear who you will become when you look to the wrong recovery role models. Recovery should make you the man you aspire to be. This is why so many men avoid certain recovery group- because you walk in there, look around and say “F**k no. If this is what a recovered man looks like, I’d rather stick with porn-thanks”
Letting go of porn took me to another DIMENSION in life.
I don’t mean this in a spiritual way. I mean that I tapped into a world of increased self belief, incredible discipline, an awareness of the world which I never had, and for the first time- true courage. I was able to face my fears over and over again. From the age of 14 till the age of 24, porn hit the pause button on my life.
Recovery was “unpause and fast-forward”.
6) I can’t make all the necessary changes:
You resist changing your environment: You don’t believe you can implement everything that is required of you to end your behavior with porn.
If you won't take the steps to change your life, your addiction will step in and make a plan with Life to change it for you...and it won't be gentle about it either.
Just as a pool of water which stays stagnant becomes a breeding ground for bacteria, mold and parasites- eventually making those around it sick, so too does the porn addict who resists change become a breeding ground for anger, depression, perversion and negativity.
7) I don’t want to lose my family:
You still hold on to the secrets.
The porn, the affairs, the genres of porn you watch which leaving you in disgust for yourself after you orgasm.
“If my wife knew, she would leave me”.
I can’t say whether you wife would leave you or not…but I do know that there is no greater motivation to end you behavior than the fear of a man losing his family.
Until that level of responsibility is harnessed, many married men will cower under the shadow of the fear of losing their family.
You're so busy worrying about losing your family that you fail to see...you're losing your life.
You're already robbing your wife of a husband and your children of their father.
8) Recovery is too much work:
You believe there must be an easier way.
So you join “stop fapping” forums, watch Youtube videos ,take advice from twenty year olds who haven’t even sprouted facial hair, and buy cheap “quit porn quick” books and courses.
You think recovery is too much work?
Too much work is deleting your browser history twice a day.
Too much work is trying to give yourself pep talk every day and “get motivated” because you f**ked up you dopamine levels due to your porn binges
Too much work is struggling to get an erection every night because PIED has ruined your sex drive.
Too much work is giving your girlfriend or wife excuses as to why you don’t find her attractive
Too much work, is brainwashing yourself every day to convince yourself that you’re a good father.
Too much work is hoping HR isn’t tracking your online activity
Too much work is juggling three side pieces/ mistresses
Too much work is trying to be financially successful with brain fog and lack of motivation brought about by your addiction.
You get the point. Recovery work has a payoff. Nothing mentioned above has a reward attached to it.
9) My cravings will be overwhelming; I won’t be able to resist them:
You can’t believe that there is something more powerful than your sexual cravings.
This is why some systems use a “Higher Power”…because you DECIDED to give up your own power to a craving that comes from within YOU.
Now you have been convinced that you need something greater than you to save you from your own creation.
Your cravings do not come from some mysterious place in the Heavens or in Hell.
They were always within you. Harnessed, bound and at your bidding.
But you neglected your charge. Let it roam free.
Now its feral, wild, out of control.
When whipped it only cowers for a moment. When chained, it snaps its shackles easily...too easily
Awed and in fear of its power, you place it on a pedestal.
Give it free reign in your life. A beast terrorizing your family, your lover, your passions, your career and your peace of mind
A wild beast can be tamed. It will have to be broken in first.
The right system will teach you how.
10) If I stop, I’ll only start up again; I have never finished anything:
Porn addicts are not finishers. This is a biological fact.
It’s the impact of porn on the prefrontal cortex of your brain which regulates your motivation, ability to prioritize and organize tasks.
As a result, you have a ton of unfinished projects and lots of awesome ideas and goals which sit around gathering cobwebs.
However, with daily accountability, measuring your victories, guidance with setting the right goals, building up your momentum the correct way, you WILL become a finisher.
Unlike regular men who simply need to apply willpower, you are constrained biologically. You need help and the right recovery system will show you how to accomplish this.
“Finishing” for a recovering porn addict is a skillset.
11) No one has to know if I relapse:
One of the biggest killers of recovery.
I get it…its your private sexual life.You don’t feel that anyone needs to know when you relapse.
So then, how do you plan to stay accountable?
Oh..you’ll keep yourself accountable?
How has that worked out for your so far?
Porn addiction thrives in secrecy.
A relapse is an opportunity to learn from your addiction.
Saying you'll keep your relapse to yourself is like choosing to sit in your own shit after your crapped yourself.
"I found the source of the stench. It sure does stink, it sure is uncomfortable...but its MINE!"
Building the habit of accountability every time you relapse is KEY to your recovery.
12) I’m worried I have been so damaged by my porn addiction that I won’t be able to recover:
This is a common fear. You feel that your entire life has been permanently changed by your addiction. You feel as if this is who you are.
Nothing changes this belief like seeing and hearing first hand from men who have successfully controlled their behavior with porn and masturbation. This is the power of community.
Sometimes, all you need to believe in yourself is seeing another man who is just like you accomplish what you thought was impossible.
Olympic world records are broken every year simply because other athletes belief in what was possible was raised by one individuals triumph. Imagine being around dozens of individuals who have been even more “damaged” by their porn addiction but made a full recovery and live thriving lives?
You may wonder why nothing you try ever works for you. Well, the roadblock standing in the way of your freedom could be one of the beliefs above.
Recovery is simple when you can identify the beliefs which hold you back.
Simple, but not easy.
Easy comes when you walk the path with others.
Your brother in this struggle,
J.K " Challenge Your Beliefs" Emezi
3 days without PM.
No urges today whatsoever other than the morning boner.
87 more to go.
Thanks for posting that brother, some inspirational stuff there and so incredibly similar issues to mine. Thanks for all your likes and post today man, it's support like this from good guys like you that will help me on this journey to recovery...
Checking in Day 14/90
Obliterating porn and masturbation from my life and moving into recovery phase. Let's do this together guys. Whatever it takes.
Day 1 /90 start
6 days without an incident.
Day 23 / 90
You’re smashing it bro! Keep it up!
Day 10 /90
" Arise,awake and donot stop until the goal is reached." - Swami Vivekanand
Little by little
One day at a time and one urge at a time time.
Thoughts arise, cut out
Thoughts arise follow not ,
Once cut out it is naught.
Have a great day