Joined nofap Jan 25, 2019 268/294 Good Days (no relapse) Longest streaks 67 then 51 (4 years later) Current Challenge 3/90 (ends Feb 13) Day 93 weight training (3X/wk) Day 30 reduced alcohol, caffeine and sugar - nothing significant to report other than my woodworking hobby is now in full swing and taking my mind off PMO which is making staying clean easier - have a great weekend, my bothers
I must admit. I relapsed. So today I am at home for almost the whole day. I have a lot of stuff to do, but I was looking for something that I can enjoy, maybe a new episode of tv, maybe a new video from my favourite youtuber, but I can't find any. 6pm I was searching for normal movies but I clicked on the button that I must not click, found some rated movies and saw some nudes. I closed it and stop looking at it. Later the day at 12am Browsing again those rated movies, and this time clicked on the movie and started to watch. Watched some movie sex scenes. Then I still did not masturbate, but the feeling of PMO was so so so strong. Later at 2am I watched p and MO. What to do when I have already watched some sex scenes? I just feel like if I watched, then I allow myself to PMO. When I was searching for rated movies, or watching p, my mind is still clear at the moment, I know exactly what I am doing, BUT I can't hold myself. The rational me is not loud enough to stop me, I just give in like that. I think this was again boredom and stress. What I learned from this incident is the boredom and stress emotion can cause me to relapse. Solution: I need to write down a list of stuff to do whenever I meet such boredom and I must discipline myself following through. I am going to write the list immediately after I post this, and stick it to the wall beside me and my desk so it will remind me all the time. Usually, I am pretty busy so I can no PMO easily but like today when I have a lot of free time, I relapsed. I feel really bad for relapsed. I know, it just for this moment, it is life, life has lots of ups and downs. And I feel sorry to all of you for not making it to 90 days, I don't know what to say, I always say want to make it to 90 days, and it sounds good, but when I can't make it, I feel like shit, really. Some words to encourage myself, I am changing my lifestyle, it's not 100% of no PMO yet but I managed to not do it for most of the time. I must get back up now. The inner demon inside me is still asking me to watch more, to indulge more. HOLY CRAP.
RELAPSED AGAIN..... A new movie trailer came out , i saw and suddenly my mind craved for some nudity, this night time is a real threat to me majority of my relapses occurred at this time , as per my promised i am not gonna intake any food for next 24 hours , starting now , this time let my mind suffer and get punished for what he has done to me . If i wont take some hard measures then i wont be able to get succeeded in my life and i will remain like this only . I write my another post after my 24 hour punishment and i will let you know how it happened and what i have learnt from it . I ll drink water and max 1 glass of milk if necessary ( milk ).
well, the mindset is already a little over the edge bro. you don´t "need" anything or anything "fast", that´s the impulsiveness talking again. you just need to stay this day pmo clean. big changes are made with small steps. one day at a time. your strategy should be based not on "becoming anything" because the mind will create the perfect life = high standarts = hard to achieve = frustration = relapse. you´ll get the life that you dream of yes, not by forcing it, but to enjoying it step by step. enjoy this day to the maximum bro without using pmo. that´s it. just develop a strategy to not screw up today. then tomorrow, and so on. soon you´ll achieve 5 days, then 10, then 15 and so on.... when you gonna build a castle you don´t think on the size of the task, you´ll be unmotivated just to think how hard will it be to achieve. no, when you build a castle you think on the brick, just the brick, today. soon you´ll have a wall and so on....
well, that´s a fine example how things escalade. it happened to me many times also brother. lesson nº 1: never peak, especially the curiosity peak, never do that. once you peak, the images will start drilling in the brain until you peak again... and again... and again. the obsession it will not stop. it will put you on your knees begging for more and it will stop when you relapse. so try to see where you allowed yourself that first glance, what was happening? boredom? stress? hurt? manage that feelings in constructives way brother, it´s crucial that you develop those coping skills. let´s go!!!!
well, unless your a fan of fasting i don´t see any benefits in punishing your body over the relapse. plus if you don´t succeed in the task, you´ll be even more frustrated and the tendency to relapse again will arise. why not change the consequence? lot´s of brothers do "money consequences", it means if you relapse you´ll donate some money to something, maybe it´s better, it will hurt the same, but only your wallet
