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Discussion in 'Events & Challenges' started by 2525, Oct 27, 2017.
It's midnight and I've done 2 days with no problems. Going to sleep soon and wake up to start day 3
Day 7. Had an exhausting morning at the hospital, took away my whole morning and now I have this quite familiar depression and strong urges to use P to escape from that. Really struggling to be behind the computer and not look at something I shouldn't.
I reinstalled my Time Out app that reminds me to look away from the computer every 15 minutes and walk away from it once every hour. This helps me at work to stay away from Facebook and bullshit like that. I know it will help me with stronger bullshit as well.
This is not good.
I do not want to keep doing this again and again.
I want to get out of this loop.
Day 3 today. Lately I've been over-extended, helping others in my family with stuff. Today I'm taking some time to work on my own projects. Sometimes we need to prioritize our own needs to stay physically & mentally healthy.
Doing a nofap challenge is one part of that for me, but to compliment that I need to do some exercise, meditation, reading, organizing, financial planning, etc. Taking time out sometimes to focus on your own needs is not selfish, it's just healthy self-care.
So fckin frustrated that i relapsed on day 4. Starting over day 1.
I already had 3 15-minute stretches today of searching for stimulating material, haphazardly touching myself while doing so. Everytime I search for stuff that will make me able to bypass my BlockSite, only being able to stop myself after 15 minutes, and everytime afterwards I add the keywords I used and the pages I visited to the blocked keywords and pages so I can't go there again.
I feel like such a loser.
I'm gonna reset my counter one more time, but this has to be it. I have to improve my streak this time and make it to the 90 days. Shit has to stop.
I feel you and I get it.
Let me just tell you that even though you do the stretches, remember that for PMO there is no one on one replacement. You're gonna have to do a whole lifestyle shift, a shift in the way you live your life.
Start slow, but do several things to replace your old habits, not just one. And take it in phases, don't do everything at once. The most important things first, like your core responsibilities and then the rest.
Do journal and see where you can improve in order to avoid making the same mistakes again.
The Content Filter for your devices is also just a tool and not a solution, remember that as well.
It's a good tool for people who kinda go on autopilot. But at the end our minds are the best filters there are.
Watch this and download the reboot regimen guide (in case you didn't yet) and read it it's important:
You can do this!
Day 14/90 No PM (ends May 10)
Day 395 attempting this challenge
Day 137 weight training (M, W, F)
Lifestyle: reduced caffeine, desserts and alcohol
Day 57!!! 2 months very soon! To be honest although I had sex last week, I still felt a flatline for a few days since I was really stressed at work and about some other stuff. It was really weird - I feel that I am sensitive down there but hardly any erection last 5 days. Keeping at it tho!
relapsed yesterday, but that won't happen again
I relapsed just after today's post.
85 days my brothers
The problem that I run in every time is this:
I have changed my life succesfully in that I really stay away from the computer and my phone when I know I might be tempted to look at stuff - so at night, in the morning, when I’m depressed etc - and instead redirect my attention to doing something meaningful and fulfilling. This has improved my life already so much and decreased my P consumption from a day consuming activity to something I do maybe an hour per week now, all combined.
What’s making it so hard to get rid of that compulsive hour a week are the times when I can’t face away from the computer or my phone, for example when I’m home and supposed to be working. When I’m depressed while working on the internet and all I have to do is type in some slightly different words than the ones I’m typing, or click on that alluring picture, to distract my mind from its troubles, it’s just so damn hard not to.
I have Time Out installed now, an app that reminds me to take microbreaks every 15 mins (and a large one every hour) and those microbreaks are enough to make me realise I should stop whenever I notice I’m looking at stuff I shouldn’t. But I need to find a way of having the habit in my everyday life of being mindful behind the computer, not have moments of mindlessness.
I think I was like that as well. And I think from what you are saying, that the problem here is that there is simply a part of your conscious mind, that wants to keep doing PMO.
And that you don't want to quit 100% but like 90%. That's probably why you have an inclination to look for triggers even when you are basically doing the recovery.
And most of the times it isn't something where you can say like "OK, Now I'm going to do it this time!"
You have to write alot on paper. That organizes your thoughts and plays a major role in the rewiring of your brain.
The Antidote to this PMO addiction, is Truth. Why Truth? Well, because PMOing is a form of self-deception. You're tricking your mind into thinking you're having some kind of sexual experience while watching people that you don't know, have sex in front of a camera. You're not connecting, you're disconnecting. Your subconcious mind can't differentiate between real and fake, so it thinks it's real.
The Problem is, that the P of today, is that it is extremely exaggerated and adjusted to the clients demands. Some of it focuses in on the genitals and stays there others do different things and the truth is, that a sexual experience with a real person has absolutely nothing to do with what you do while watching it nor with what you're watching, not even remotely. And then you start associating what you feel is missing in your "heart", with what you see on the screen. This can create sexual distortions in your mind that can go to troubling lengths.
Aside from all the other issues that this addiction causes that we all already know.
Think like this, PMO is like a demon that wants to destroy your "heart" and everything you love and turn your life into the worst nightmare that you can possibly imagine.
Here is my advise to you. Write the Truth about everything alot, whenever you can, while you don't feel cravings.
Write those things down, because the most important thing in this recovery, in my opinion, is to organize your thoughts. So you are better prepared when you have cravings. And you will be able to deal with them more easily. It might even reduce your cravings.
Here is a vid specifically about that:
The best advise I can give, is watch the WHOLE "SSMS series from Universal Man" (Because that's what helped me most). More than once.
I hope this helps man.
Keep going strong!
#3 feeling good