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Discussion in 'Events & Challenges' started by 2525, Oct 27, 2017.
Infact back before I start NoFap. After I had a wet dream near day 30. I would relapse on the next day after the wet dream. Cause I would feel like I actually did M.
After reading. I remember a series of events the happened to me and caused me to relapse. Because I was to stress of everything not working out for me. Infact up untill I start the challenge porn was a remedy for stress. It always happened every after two weeks or a month when I was horny and stressed. Most tyms I would try to pick up girls but I was never successfully. I was always frustrated and for some reason doing M gave M a piece of mind. Untill I started losing control over my habit and it become an addiction.
Today is day 19.
I got a scary dream which I thought was actually real untill I woke up. In the dream I accidentally opened an Indian P site and the videos on it arouse larges urges in me and was doing M but in the dreams I was aware about Nofap and said to myself I don't want to continue doing this anymore. But I couldn't stop because the urges where strong. So in the dream I decided to just edge. Then my kid brother entered my room and distracted me before I actually did M. Thats when I woke up to realize it a dream...
I think am now entering a phrase for more similar dreams to happen but am gona be strong.
Infact I was really happy when I noticed that in the dream I thought of NoFap and the challenge. How I didn't want to start over again after all the days I had done.
And due to that thought I instead decided to edge.
Am really happy that nofap is helping me alot even when am unconscious I was able to think about how I want to recover from the PMO.
Day 3 the urge and fantasy is creeping on me, I know if I do it I will be broken and depressed again.
Entering day 2/90.
I have to say: at age 46, life goes very, very fast.
Now that I look forward to the 90-day span to be over, my days suddenly slowed to a crawl.
Like I'm living longer.
I have been shifting some cravings and thought processes last night. Nothing major. Actually I am a little confused about "rating" the cravings, because sometimes a minor thought can just escalate and become a intense craving that might be harder to shift than when done from the beginning. I am not sure, if it is all the same.
I always write about the cravings, but honestly I don't waste much time thinking about them.
I have a lot of fun doing things I love lately, and I have those euphoric phases, where I just play a song on my electric guitar and get into it like dancing and banging my head (I haven't enjoyed it like this before though). I've been playing some Megadeth and Dream Theater lately. Learning and re-learning songs. It's really fun.
Then programming my game, is also a source of joy. Sometimes a source of frustration lol, but then I usually take a break.
I feel like a part of me is kind of dying as well. (which is a good sign)
I feel a little stressed out as well. Maybe tomorrow or monday I will start going to the gym, not sure if it is open tomorrow I have to check. And I'll do some light stuff, starting with cardio and full-body workout and things like that. Yeah.
Not expecting to make many friends or attract girls and have superpowers, yet. haha
but, honestly I ready myself to be able to be this person, who just keeps living this life, WITHOUT PMO, even when my life and relationships stay mundane for a while.
It's just a mindset. The benefits will surely come. Well, they are appearing already, but there will be way more.
And for me, this will take some serious commitment. I have been making up my mind repeatedly about this.
I am still alive and while I breathe. I keep going.
Much blessings and hugs.
Stay strong and keep up the good fight.
I feel you. You probably felt disappointed when your plans fell through :/
And then not having anything else to do instead, gave you a reason to go back to the old behaviour, because your new behaviour didn't work.
I get it.
Be sure that you strengthen and enrich your knowledge to know how to deal with the urges. Mostly they are emotions disguised as cravings and just need to be addressed.
Be sure you know how to address them. I sent you a link below to a video that explains how to do self-talk (If you have seen it already, see it again).
Also I am not sure what your plans were for today, even when they didn't work out, we need to know how to let go and surely they were not the only plans that you had and the plans that you still have right now.
For me for example I have long-term goals, that stay in my mind, reminding me of where I am going, because otherwise if my smaller goals fail, I have no destination. I have to know where I am going.
We have to train ourselves to remain centered and continue taking the right choices, even when facing hardship. Be it of any kind.
Especially when you are in your worst state, that's where you should take the right path.
So make up your mind. And really make sure you understand 100% what this recovery is all about.
This is about changing who you are, and what you do as a person and what you do when things get rough.
Here is the video about self-talk:
I hope this helps
Start this streak with new knowledge and strength!
After more than a month i needed to release!
My brothers, it´s done . 90 days, no pornography, no masturbation!
It´s been a hell of a ride, i´m trying this for almost 2 years now and i finally succeed it . I´m very happy . I learn much in this process and i´ll share with you on the next post my tips to a effective reboot. For now i just want to share my story with you, maybe you can relate.
I´m 38 years old, i´ve been addicted to porn since 17/18 years old. My first experience with porn was when i was about 13 years. I was with a group of friends hanging in and one of then brought a porn vhs to the house. He put it on the vcr and that caused a shocking effect on me. I was disgusted of what i was seeing. the movie had a lot of extreme scenes, besides the natural graphic nature of pornography. Half of us (me included) were disgusted by that, so we pretend we were distracted with other things, the other half of the group keep on looking in awe. It was a dreadful experience for me and i remember tolding to a friend “dude, i will never do that to a girl, relations are for love”, he agreed with me instantly.
So years passed and around 15/16 years, i discover masturbation. Almost instantly i discover fapping “to something”. I became very hooked on that, it was a great experience. So i was a regular fapper (2/3 times per week) mainly using recorded sex scenes from movies, nothing serious.
About when i was 17 years old, internet appeared. It was a game changer. My first reaction was “nudes!!”. And internet had then, a lot!
Back then the connection was slow and there were no video platforms. We had to download everything file by file, so a single pmo session could last hours.
My atraction to pmo increased a lot and this was probably the time when i got mildly addicted, fapping maybe everyday. I remember vividly that the day just didn´t seem to end right if i didn´t have “my girls”. pmo made me feel complete, masculine. However i remember one time i was fed up with my behaviour and i swear i would spend 2 weeks without pmo, but i didn´t last more than 4 days.
So years go by and i was a regular porn/masturbation user until maybe 31/32 years old. From this period of time i didn´t experience any negative effects in my life, or at least i was unaware of then. However i experience lot´s of relationship conflicts, lot´s of insecurity, jealousy, ressentment and angriness. I thought it was my personality, now i see with was pmo all along that was destroying my self-esteem and relationships.
Then one day i realize that when i didn´t pmo i felt more lighter, more happy, more confident. Then it became clear that pmo was causing me some form of damage. So i try to stop… but i couldn´t. i kept on doing it, even knowing that it was causing me damage.
So more time passed by and then something happen. I started using pmo to deal with emotional suffering. Stress, hurt, anger, etc… This rang a bell on me because i knew that this was what alcoholics do, they drink to deal with their pain. Plus i start to loose control on pmo sessions, whilst before i would do 1 or 2 times and i was satisfied, now i would only stop after several times, when i was half dead. I develop social anxiey, fatigue, insomnia… all the terrible spectrum that we know now are consequences of pmo addiction.
Now i knew something very serious was happening to me. i looked on information and i was shocked to find out that there was something called “porn addiction”. I discover the nofap lifestyle and try to implement it. However i had no techique, no method, no knowledge, and no serious engagement, so i didn´t go far. i thought nofap was too hard and maybe the solution was about reducing pmo instead of going cold turkey.
So i spent 2 years of my life trying to control pmo use. “Only on these days, or that days…” “only x times per week”, “only x times in weekend days”, “only masturbation” bla bla bla, i tried all kinds of systems. Nothing worked. In the end i would always do pmo much more than i wanted to. So one day it became clear to me that if i was a true addict i would never control pmo usage, it was a waste of time to think otherwise.
So 2 years ago, i decided to engage serioulsy on the reboot, not that i wanted to, but because i needed to. I had no choice. My life was a living hell. During this period of serious engagement i learn a lot, i also relapse a lot but i never gave in. I learn with my mistakes, gain more knowledge until it became natural and easier to spend the day without pmo. I keep on using my reboot system, and refining it, until this very day.
Now i´m gonna present you how my life was in pmo addiction and how it´s now.
BEFORE - very low physical energy, always tired, i barely could run.
NOW - i have a lot more energy and stamina.
BEFORE - very low mental energy, huge attention deficit, very hard to concentrate, lot´s of memory failures, many times i couldn´t remember things i did 5 seconds ago.
NOW - my memory has improved a lot and also my concentration. I´m much faster and smarter now. It seems pmo casts a fog in the mind. Everything seemed dull and shallow before. Now i´m very aware of the sorroundings, everything seems brigher and alive. It´s great!!!
BEFORE - very high social anxiety. I couldn´t look at anybody, especially womans. I couldn´t talk straight with womans because i was so nervous. I was avoiding places which had lot´s of people. If i needed to go to places with many people (ex: the supermarket) i would travel far away to not face people that i know.
NOW - i still have some social anxiety but it´s much less, i have no stress in talking with womans, i feel at ease with them.
BEFORE - lot´s of insomnia, bad sleep, i wake up 1 or 2 hours before regular time
NOW - my sleep is good, deep and solid.
BEFORE - i feel disconected from my wife. i didn´t feel love or atraction to her, just sympathy.
NOW - i have a great marriage, i regain my love and affection for her.
BEFORE - i had premature ejaculation, i could attain an orgasm in less than a minute.
NOW - i have regular ejaculations, orgasms are delayed to a normal time span, sex is great, no porn thoughts during intercourse.
BEFORE - i was thinking on sex lot´s of times. I was seeing woman as objects. Checking out womans body parts like a pervert.
NOW - I almost don´t think about sex. The world is seen in a totally different way. I see womans has full individuals, pretty, atractive, inteligent and emotional. I don´t see them as objects and i´m very fond of them. Sometimes i still check them out, but on a natural atraction, not to arouse myself.
BEFORE - i was altering between flatline periods and extreme urges periods.
NOW - i don´t feel either. However if i expose myself to risky situations, it still feel desire to pmo.
BEFORE - i felt disconnected from the world. I had some hate towards social interaction and humans in general. I felt a piece of shit.
NOW - i feel confident and social. I have more patience, understanding and empathy towards humans and living beings in general.
BEFORE - my face was pale, dry and scared. My hair was falling like leaves in autumn.
NOW - my face has his natural skin tone, serene and colorful. My hair has stopped falling and became stronger and thicker again. Comparing to my group of friends my hair looks the best.
BEFORE - i was emotional unbalanced, selfish, easely irritated and hurt. Lot´s of negative thoughts.
NOW - i feel very innocent, i don´t feel guilthy or pervert. I have a good self-esteem and emotional stability. it takes a lot to put me off balance and if i become upset i regain my peace faster. Sometimes i feel a deep peace inside of me, a very good feeling.
This is the benefits i gain in 90 days, i´m sure that in 180 days it will become even better . Let´s go my brothers!!!
After a period of 2 years of constant learning and developing i assemblage some tips on how to make a successfull reboot. These are informations i collect from my own experience, the experience of other rebooters and literature on the subject. Read it carefully as this will lead you in the right path and safe tons of time and suffering. Words in bold are mandatory.
1 - Accept beyond any doubt that your an addict, not someone who has a bad habit. Quoting from the book "Wack: Addicted to Internet Porn" from Noah Church (free on his website).
“The following 11 criteria are inspired by the APA's (American Psychiatric Association) substance addiction diagnostic tool and with some adaptation each criterion applies equally as well to porn use (…). Make a tally mark for every statement that applies to you.
- You use more extreme pornographic material than you planned, use porn more frequently than you planned, or have used porn over a greater time span than you planned.
- You have several times expressed that you would like to quit or reduce use and/or have unsuccessfully tried to reduce or stop use.
- You spend an inordinate or inconvenient amount of time acquiring, using, and/or recovering from the effects of porn.
- You experience strong cravings for porn.
- You have compromised major obligations at home, at work, or at school due to porn use.
- You continue using porn despite knowing that it is consistently causing or worsening social or interpersonal problems.
- You have skipped or given up significant social or occupational activities in order to use porn.
- You use porn in ways or locations that are physically hazardous.
- You continue using porn despite knowing that it is consistently causing or worsening physical or psychological problems.
- You have acquired a tolerance and need more lengthy, varied, or extreme porn to feel the same or similar pleasure as when you first started using.
- You experience unpleasant withdrawal symptoms when you abstain and may use porn to alleviate these symptoms.
According to the APA, "As a general estimate of severity, a mild substance use disorder is suggested by the presence of two to three symptoms, moderate by four to five symptoms, and severe by six or more symptoms."
2 - Once you accept the truth of your problem, recognize that you can´t control PMO usage. don´t waste precious time of your life trying to fit porn in your life, you can´t control this thing. “Oh… maybe on these days, or only on that days….” Forget it. See for yourself, if you could control this you wouldn´t be an addict in the first place. The only way to break free from the addiction is to abstain from all sexual indulgence till a point you have good health and no desire to PMO.
3 – the moment you realize pmo is deeply wrong, stop it at once. Don´t use any kind of excuses, especially the “one last time” excuse. Addictions are chronic diseases, technically you don´t know when it will be the last time. Relapses often happen in reboot. The difference is that if you allow yourself to “take a break” before starting the reboot or “i´m gonna fap just one last time” deep down you´re still seeing pmo as a positive behaviour. This will make the reboot much harder to accomplish because you have a positive belief about pmo. You have to see pmo by itself as a destructive behaviour, even one single time. So in a nutshell:
- pmo destroys your physical energy.
- pmo destroys your mental energy.
- pmo destroys your motivation.
- pmo makes you nervous and angry. Repeated use leads to social anxiety.
- pmo makes you depressed, destroys your self esteem.
- pmo makes you sex obsessed, a pervert.
- pmo makes you see people as objects, destroys your empaty and compreension towards others.
- pmo destroys the affection for your partner, it makes you self-centred and resentful.
These are the main harmful effects, but there are many more. If you fall for any excuse to pmo, no matter what it is, you´re falling for the circunstance trap. The moment you use an excuse to fap today, tomorrow you´ll use another excuse. It´s only a matter of lying to yourself.
You know how lot´s of people do New Year´s Resolutions? Most of them never acomplishes what they promise because they´re using circunstances over willpower to create a change in their lifes, and circunstances always change. So search in your mind and see if there´s any positive belief left about pmo. Expose it and set your mind straight, see with 100% clarity that pmo is deeply wrong and you want to finish it. Once you reach that clarity start nofap, not tomorrow, not in a few minutes, NOW.
4 – Challenge everyday your beliefs in pmo. Write down all the typical beliefs that you use before a relapse. To each belief write a answer to it. Read the beliefs and the answers every day so to be prepared when the addict mind tries to lure you.
Also have a vision of your goal. What rewards will you achieve when you reboot? Write the rewards and read them every day. That way you´ll have the goal in mind when hard times appear. It´s also important to believe that you can be permanently free of porn and masturbation. See the example of many sucessful rebooters and coachs.
Celebrate every day that you´re pmo free. This will keep you aware of your daily victories and how much you have improved so far. This is important because in the reboot sometimes you feel unmotivated and sored to continue. So instead of relying on time, which is an abstract concept “Oh, i have made 50 days so far…”, rely on atual evidences on what your life really as improved so far. Being aware of your evolution is great to boost your motivation and keep the reboot going.
The addiction also causes a negative impact on the people around you so dedicate the reboot to your loved ones. Put their pictures on the mobile and laptop wallpapers.
Read everyday about the addiction, even as little as one page per day. Studying will increase your knowledge and determination over porn addiction and the reboot process. There are lot´s of free ebooks on porn addiction so go for it.
5 – you can´t do this alone. Studies show that is very rare to someone to overcome an addiction alone, almost impossible. That´s because the feeding ground of addictions is isolation. So the treatment goes in the opposite direction. You need partners, groups, therapy, forums, whatever, do as you prefer, but stay in touch.
It´s important that you have a partner on this journey. This will increase your accountability (accept responsability for your behaviour), increase the external pressure for your conduct, boost your motivation and win a source of feedback. Accountability is very importante in this journey, stay accountable daily, always share your daily experience with a partner, especially someone in the same journey you´re in.
If your married i strongly suggest you come clean with your wife. By telling the truth about your problem she can be a source of support. It´s also better to know the truth from you instead of finding out, if she already suspect´s something´s wrong…
6 – Willpower is good to start the reboot but it´s not enough because the addiction has a very strong pull. So create a triggers system of physical barriers against PMO. Install porn blockers, use electronic devices with people around you, screens always facing exposure, doors open, etc... I strongly recommend to fapstronauts don´t be home alone with electronic devices in the first month. This is because the compulsion to PMO is very strong in the beginning and will make you go autopilot easily if the circunstances are gathered. After the first month you may be home alone but only for brief periods of time. It´s up to you to determinate how much time is safe.
7 – Delete all porn/sexual material that you have. if you keep something with you that means you´re keeping the flame alive.
8 - Withdrawal is hard, sometimes harder than the addiction. But after some time the period of intense withdrawal ends (although withdrawal symphoms may occur from time to time as the brain is rewiring). For the hard withdrawal prepare yourself for fatigue, anxiety, irritation, deep sadness, insomnia, brain fog, headaches, etc... but don´t worry, after a while energy will start to rise and you´ll feel amazing . It´s worth all the efforts. To minimize withdrawal always stay well fed, hidratated, and build a good sleep hygiene. Sleep is very important because it´s one of the main sources of gathering energy so make sure you sleep well. Sleeping pills, vitamins and antidepressives can also help in the withdrawal.
Brain fog is one of the worst symptoms of pmo usage, so i recommend this technique to help cope with it:
In fact this tecnique is great to boost your energy so do it daily if you like.
9 – Reduze alcohol and sugar consumption to a minimum. These substances drain your energy, promote lethargy, irritation and depression. Never get drunk. Excessive alcohol prevents the brain from rewiring, leads to more fatigue, irritation and brain fog.
Alcohol and substances that alter consciousness are very effective to destroy willpower and induce thinking errors. If you predict you´re gonna drink put away all electronic devices before and as long as you´re under the effect of alcohol. This simple act will safe you from a disaster.
Stay away from screens, wether TV, PC, mobile, whatever.... screens cultivate a passive attitude. they rob awareness and create dullness. if you want to interact with screens that´s fine but only for a specific reason, when that reason is over, the viewing must be over also. Another problem with spending too much time in front of electronic screens its because of the blue light they emanate. This can a create a syndrome called “dry eye” which can cause disturbances to fall asleep.
Use social media in moderation, social media increases the feelings of depression and loneliness. It releases dopamine (one of the feel good hormones) on the brain with minimal effort so it activates a quick reward system like pmo. Dopamine is naturally released with good nutrition, sleep, physical exercise and everytime you feel gratified by something you did.
When you search dopamine in a quick reward system like junk food, alcohol, drugs, pmo, social media, etc… you´re not creating anything, you´re just waiting for something to make you feel alive. Plus if you repeat that behavior often, the brain will adapt to it and get hooked on the easy dopamine paths, craving for more. As consequence you´ll lose motivation to do other things. This is specially problematic for us since we´re trying to rewire the brain beyond dopamine rushs. So behaviours of excessive social media by association can lead to behaviours of pmo, plus by increasing the feelings of depression, social media can in turn increase the tendency to fall into pmo.
Studies recommend a maximum use of 30 minutes per day so use it in moderation.
10 – Practice meditation daily or any kind of relaxation technique. This is very important to calm the body against urges and help cope with withdrawal symptoms.
11 – Negative feelings are common triggers to pmo. This is a crucial part of the reboot because many times relapses happen to escape pain or discomfort. We have to deal directly with the parts of our experience that are unconfortable and cope with them in constructive ways. If we don´t deal with these feelings, at neurological level, the midbrain that is severely hijacked by pmo, will start to take over for the “excitement solution”. That´s why it feels we enter automatic mode just before a relapse, we are being driven.
So if you feel bored follow the trail of inspiration, think about several things you would like to do right now and choose the one you want the most. Even if at first you only feel a small pull, do it anyway. After a while energy will increase so as the mood and you´ll be inspired to do other things.
If you feel sad accept the situation that cause it, or change it if you can. Also talk with someone about it and do something pleasant.
Stronger emotions like anger or hurt i recommend meditation. A good technique is the Breathing Space Meditation, it´s especially designed to deal with hard feelings:
12 - In the reboot you´ll have flatline periods (total absence of sexual desire) and periods of strong pmo urges. To deal with urges just let them be, keep doing whatever you´re doing and the urge will pass, it will pass totally. Urges are fueled by sexual thoughts so don´t feed those thoughts, it´s very important. If you start feeling hesitant and the urges get stronger don´t argue with the addiction. It´s a war you can´t win. Just change the situation fast!! You can also click the panic button, get out of the house or take a cold shower.
Cold showers are particular effective to kill urges, boost your mood, increase alertness and release dopamine in a positive way so take cold showers whenever you can.
13 - Do physical exercise regularly. This will release the “feel good hormones” – dopamine and serotonine – in a healthy way that will boost your mood. Physical exercise is also good to release sexual tension that will build up as time goes by.
14 - Write a goodbye letter to porn. Be brutally honest. An addiction is also a relationship so cry your heart out, say all the things you want to say, and say goodbye.
15 – Create a new life. You´re not only abstaining from porn/masturbation, you have to replace those behaviours for others. or else porn will return, no matter how much time as gone by. pmo abstinence will leave a lot of free time so you have to create a new life system to fill that time.
So what do you really wanna do with your life? What are your passions? Go for them, daily. Live your dreams. This is very important because as time goes by your willpower to continue nofap may oscilate so you have to gain enough passion for your new life to prevent a setback. If your life is not passionate enough, by homeostasis your brain will not accept the change and will make you relapse, faster than you imagine. So time is not relevant, what´s crucial is what you do with time.
Another obvious remark of creating a good life is that wether you´re an addicted or not, wether you´re in nofap or not, time is passing by. You can die at any moment. How do you want to live your life?
16 - Once you have attained a solid streak, especially surpassing the first month (which is the hardest) it´s simpler to attain greater lenghts of time. However this may create a sense of overconfidence and believe that you´re in control and you can soften your guard against pmo. This is a powerful trap in which many fapstronauts fall, including me.
When the days start flowing better that doesn´t mean you can ease your aproach towards pmo. The system that got you to clean 30 days, it works!! So keep using it. In fact, as time goes by you´ll find new things about the addiction, about the triggers, about yourself, so refine your system whenever it´s necessary, but don´t stop using it!!!
If you start softening your attitude towards pmo, crossing your boundaries, start peaking, don´t work on your passions, getting bored with life, etc etc… your brain will rebel and turn to the old dopamine solution, making you relapse faster than you imagine.
A system must include :
- Mental system (daily accountability with your AP/ daily recall the nofap rewards and belief you can be free/ daily read your excuses to pmo (and answers) / daily read reboot material, etc)
- Physical system (create a sleep system, nutrition system, health system, physical exercise system, etc...)
- Emotional system (daily meditation / develop tools to handle anger, hurt, boredom, etc....)
- Triggers system (create and maintain barriers to all your known triggers / do cold showers / spend time outdoors, etc...)
- Personal career/passions system (stay active, work on your career, work on your dreams/ hobbies…)
Craft your life to be a masterpiece. The life that you dream of. And nofap will reinforce that life. Remember: only a system can give you a better-happy life, and only a better-happy life will make you stay with it instead of going back to the “old ways”.
Quoting JK Emezi, a porn rebooter coach:
“When you have a system, you will realize that your slip or relapse back into porn and masturbation did not happen randomly. A system shows you that your relapse began days or weeks ago when you stopped engaging the self-care behaviors that have been keeping you off porn.”
17 - The addicted mind will not break easily. it´s likely that you´re gonna relapse, relapse a lot. the key is too keep going, never give up. if you don´t give up you will make it. Garanteed. This aplies with everything in life. You just have to want it, badly. If you want it you´ll get it, you will find a way. All the excuses that we put up “oh i´m not strong enough”, “not smart enough” “not good looking” “not rich enough”, “oh, i´m super addicted” “oh, i´m just unlucky” bla bla… it´s all ideas that are not tested, excuses to justify failure and make us feel pity while time is passing by. Plain and simple, if your not getting what you want, it´s not because of circunstances, it´s due to your lack of determination and self-discipline. Perseverance is the game changer. So in each relapse try to know something about yourself, how your mind works, what are the triggers. Knowledge is power.
If you relapse try not to binge (pmo multiple times), the bigger the binging the harder the withdrawal.
18 - Avoid any kind of sexual stimulation. Anything that we consciously engage with a lustful purpose: engage in viewing, engage in hearing, engage in touching... will make dopamine being release in a unhealthy way on the already unbalanced brain. Stimulation will increase urges and destroy motivation for other things (as pmo is still the main drive). So don´t believe your mind if it tells you to peak, it never wants just that. After that the addiction will kick in strongly and start drilling until it breaks you. The obsession will not stop. The same goes for touching. So don´t even take the first step.
The ideal is to make a 180º shift on reality. Engage in totally different activities through the day. Luckly there´s a million to do things that have nothing to do with sex.
If you have a partner and want to have normal intercourse try to abstain at least on the first month to help the brain rewire better. If you do sex but thinking on porn that means you´re using your partner as an object. That´s a relapse.
19 – You can´t go back to porn. This probably is the harshest truth that addicts can hear but it´s the truth nevertheless. Why? Two major reasons:
1 - you´ll be an ex-addicted, always. That means you can´t have a normal relation with porn. if you engage in pmo, sooner or later you´ll become an addict, again. Quoting from a gambling disorder specialist, he wrote why ex-patological gamblers could never come back to money games. This naturally aplies to other addictions as they all have the same backbone:
"We talk about treatment and not cure because there´s a lot more data at neurobiological and genetic level that stated that dependency is a cronic problem, but not terminal. This means through treatment it´s possible to conquer life quality built on abstinence. (...) My 15 years experience dealing with dependency disorders makes me afirm that whoever had severe dependency can not attain the desired control to consume. Generally speaking it´s only a matter of time until the obsession, the compulsion and the impulsiveness return. These are the factors that lead to loss of control and priorities switching that caracterize this behavioural dependency, among others"
2 - in high speed internet, there´s an infinite suply of sexual material, new sexual material. Dopamine is released not only by viewing and fapping but also by searching novely. This means the search itself creates excitment. So once you give your brain a taste of the "stuff" it will crave for more, always more.
20 - Destroying any hope of going back to PMO will make the reboot stronger and more determinated. This is because some fapstronauts secretly do the reboot in order to gain control over porn, so to use it in moderation. But as we have seen before, this is impossible. Plus if the goal of the reboot is to use porn, porn is still in the horizon. This becomes a contradiction to the present streak and will make it much harder to endure. On the other side all ex-addicts firmly agree that no one ever wants to go back to porn cause life now is too good to be true, too good to go back to hell. Rebooters that did tried to PMO again found that they couldn´t control their behaviour and had to do the reboot a second time. Some said the second reboot is harder than the first one.
Seen from another perspective you´ll loose something that´s close to you now but you´ll gain an amazing life beyond your dreams. Quoting some successful rebooters:
“Nofap will make you live the life that you dream of”
“In nofap you´ll be so happy that you won´t know what to do with yourself”
21 - 90 days usually is the standard time to break free from the grip of pmo. However experts estimates that an addicted brain needs 18 to 24 months to fully heal. Counting the days can boost your confidence but it also has down effects. Counting may create the sense that only when “that” specific day is reached everything will be fine, your life will be perfect. So you focus on the time and not the process, which is your life. This can make a streak harder to endure by putting extra pressure to reach “that” day and not reset the counter meanwhile. To avoid this trap see nofap as a lifestyle and not merely a time challenge. The challenge is for the critical 90 days shift. After that nofap evolves to a lifestyle.
It can also help to create two counters:
- One global counter or a calendar that indicates how many days you´ve been in the nofap journey (clean days and relapse days).
- One consecutive counter that indicates your consecutive days in the present streak.
Resetting the counter can be demotivating, it creates the sense that your recovery is on zero, and that´s not true. The more days you spend without pmo the more your brain rewires and learns to live a life without unnatural stimulation. By having two counters you´ll have a better sense of your growth.
In some cases fapstronauts report stress when they count the days one by one. If this is your case, then don´t count the days, just keep the starting date for reference and do the reboot.
Overall, don´t give importance to what day you´re in, don´t care about the 90 days. Addictions are chronic diseases so avoid thinking on absolute terms. Statements like: "i will never fap again" etc, these kind of thinking may help in the initial boost but in the end it helps the addiction. It´s an attitude based in the same impulsiveness that leads to pmo. “Never” and “Forever” are the addiction favorite words. So instead of making absolute promises, it´s better to think moment by moment, day by day, "this moment, this day - no pmo". This will make you stay humble and remove pressure from yourself, allowing for the only thing you can do which is dealing with the present moment. That is the core of living in abstinence.
22 – Besides the damaging effects that porn does to the body and mind, there´s another problem much serious that goes through society. You see, we´re not really addicted to porn, we´re addicted to sexual stimulation - lust. We tend to internet porn because it´s the fastest, easiest and most graphic form of lust there is.
Sex should come in the context of a loving connection. Lust - whether from porn, softcore, hookers, our dirty mind, etc… - reduces human beings to objects. We stop seeing a person as a whole and reduce it to it´s sexual feature. We´re using people instead of loving people. It´s the same nature of killing, stealing, etc… we´re not respecting others, we´re abusing them.
Society has a great deal in why things are this way, we are constantly being bombarded by sensual materials, it´s everywere. And that is something we must strongly say “NO”. We should know somebody´s body when we know their traits. That creates a deep connection between two people and through it sex becomes a transcendental experience.
So everytime society presents you with the objectification of the body, wether from movies, magazines, internet, prostitutes, etc… turn your face away. People are not body parts, they do not exist to satisfy our needs. I have no doubt that the lack of compassion and much of the violence between men and women are deeply rooted in the way society encourages the reduction of people to objects.
So if you can see from this perspective, the attitude towards pmo changes from “fighting it off” to “giving it up” because it´s plain wrong.
23 – Sex industry destroys it´s own agents. Often porn stars suffer from emotional problems, some of them we´re abused as children, raped and during their porn career many turn to alcohol and drugs to cope with the shame and guilt.
The filming is very degradating for actors, specially woman, sometimes forcing them to painful, humiliating scenes. Many pornstars die in early age. Their deaths show a clear pattern of self destruction from carrying a burden: suicide, drugs abuse, alcohol abuse, sexual transmitted diseases. As one ex-pornstar said: “the industry picks people who are already damaged to damage them even more”.
So every time you click on the porn videos (or even paying for them) you´re giving views to a site that will be supported by ads. You´re promoting your own suffering and the suffering of others.
24 – the reboot should be your top priority or one of your top priorities in life. It implies 100% commitment and real work. If you don´t take it serious you´ll not make the shift. If you take it serious, like if your life depends on it, the change is at your hand. You´ll become a new person: happy, faster, stronger, smarter, confident, atractive, social, peaceful. You´ll become a high successful person and there will be nothing you can´t accomplish, because after conquering yourself you can conquer anything.
I wish you the best luck, strengh and focus my brothers. Believe in yourself, you can do it.
Day 18/90 No PM (ends May 10)
Day 399 attempting this challenge
Day 137 weight training (M, W, F)
Lifestyle: reduced caffeine, desserts and alcohol
Day 19/90 No PM (ends May 10)
Day 400 attempting this challenge
Day 137 weight training (M, W, F)
Lifestyle: reduced caffeine, desserts and alcohol
- missed yesterday.
Just checking in family. Nothing new really just moving forward. I hope everyone is doing well.
This is an amazing post. I totally agree with all your insights. Everyone needs to read this, NoFap needs to pin this post somewhere. And you should share it in the success stories as guidance. Thank you for sharing this, and thank you for all your help you have been providing for me and all other guys in the last couple of months, and congratulations on your 90 days. Good luck friend!
Day 3. Tonight I'll do some stretching exercises, then a half hour of meditation, then some reading and a good night's sleep. Have good weekend all.
Dude, some awesome insights. Congrats on making the 90-day achievement, and gaining much wisdom and perspective along the way.
1 March 2020, 09:24AM ( New Delhi, Indian standard Time) and for comparison 29 Feb 2020, 22:55 (New York Time)
Attempting this challenge on a thread for the first time.
Age 31 years and next month I will be 32 years.
Years of p use 10-11 years( because I didnt have internet and a laptop/smartphone in hostel and when I lived 2-3 years on a costal town(jobless surviving on 215$ a month) (5-15 pmo per week on average)
Nofap member since mid 2018.
Highest streak no pmo - 87 days and its the only streak no pmo which is above 20-30 days.
Current counter day 8 no pmo.