Day 0, I relapsed during the night. I withstood all challenges that came up until day 21 I shifted the urges but this night, it was unbearable. I couldn't sleep and honestly I was resisting like during for 4 to 5 hours. Shifting sexual thoughts, shifting my attention, trying to sleep. But it got worse and worse until the cravings were so strong it felt like I was going to vomit. It was around 4 - 5 am in the morning I started feeling like I was getting sick and feeling like absolute shit, I had like weird thoughts about dragons and witches or something, I was completely tripping. I admit, I slacked off with the discipline to go to bed early. Also I ate dinner at 10pm this time, as I forgot to eat dinner in time. Then there was my neighbors (who are mostly old people who have hearing problems), watching tv with volume cranked up during the whole night. I tried turning on the ventilator to muffle the sound this time, but the ventilator is very loud and I still couldn't sleep. It kinda irritated me. And I was feeling horrible, unbearable cravings. The cravings didn't go away. At around 4-5am I started touching myself to see if it goes away. It went away a bit, but it came back. (obviously this is not something that I should have done and I have a better plan for this new streak) Then it was around 9am and I was like, eager to watch P and Orgasm, however at the same time I felt like I was going to get a panic attack if I did that, because I felt extremely anxious. Then at some point I relapsed full blown...yes, and I slided really bad, I know it was very wrong. I could have just M and O but I wanted the whole deal. However it happened and now it's done. The tension is gone and I don't have to continue. I didn't see any other solution at that time, because I wasn't very well prepared for the night issues. But I have something now that I didn't have before. The notion that I can live without PMO. So I took a shower and had all those sexual thoughts that usually come up after a relapse. They would usually make me watch Porn again, as it is easier to keep watching when you did it already. However, this time they absolutely didn't, because I am more determined than ever to live a life without PMO. And I know that it is possible, because I got this far and I did 30days once before. And the only thing that really beat me was a whole sleepless night with cravings that didn't go away. Well, so many things I can do to get over this. Either "A": I exercise regularly, eat dinner at max 7pm , go to sleep at around 9:30pm or 10pm and take the non-prescription drug regularly and see if it works consistently. Also I am going to buy headphone for sleep and some kind of mp3 player (probably smartphone) to listen to white noise, because my pc makes too much noise. in Emergency situation, I just watch Netflix during the whole night, and I should probably just have done that today. Or "B" : Do the above, except take prescription drug for sleeping, until I am over the 90 days. The nights and my sleep are my biggest problem. Tomorrow is the official opening date of my gym. Here we go again. This time I went until 21 Days. Now I want to crack the 30 days and go beyond. Much blessings. Let's stay strong!
Checking in day 4, thanks for sharing your thoughts fellas, it really helps me to feel I'm not alone in this
Day 6 of this streak, in which my focus lies on increasing self-love and thus eliminating the need to do PMO. I joined this forum on November the 5th, so 117 days ago. Of those 117 days, I did 108 days without PMO, and 9 resets.
Congratulations, man, you're an example to us all! There's a lot of good advices in here. I for one should start with daily reading my reasons why I'm quitting porn. And I'm starting an extra counter indicating my progress so far. A lot to unpack in your post, thanks a lot for that.
Congratulations on hitting 90 days! Much thank you for your sharing Would love to follow your advice and remove pmo in my life forever!
About to finish day 20. It's 8:45pm Africa Nairobi time +3. Tommorow am doing day 21. I had a dream with girls. But not in sexual way. A friendly way. Even though I woke up with an erection.
This is key. I had an old girlfriend who was vegetarian. (She was also a great cook.) I however grew up in a household that basically thought if you didn't have meat at every meal you would die. So as an experiment, and with her help, I went vegetarian myself for about 6 mos. I learned that 1) many of those vegetable-based recipes are delicious, and 2) not eating meat won't kill you. Ultimately I didn't stay with it strictly, but I DID learn I didn't HAVE to have meat to survive. So the experience basically broke my DEPENDENCE on meat. It was an important and powerful psychological shift. Not an exact analogy, but thought I'd share it. Anyway take what you've learned friend, and proceed onward.
thanks for all your wishes brothers . Unfortunatelly it´s time for me to leave this thread. however has a gift to all of you, past and present users of this thread that helped me so much, i will post here everytime that i have new learnings or insightful posts . I wish you the best luck my brothers. Let´s get going, one day at a time.
