[90-CHALLENGE] THE NINETY DAYS CHALLENGE !

Discussion in 'Events & Challenges' started by 2525, Oct 27, 2017.

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  1. Timothy_James

    Timothy_James Fapstronaut

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    Good points, @hermitthefrog! I think I agree with the gist of what you're saying here and I think my statement "fantasizing is unacceptable" was way too vague.

    You're right that we cannot control which thoughts COME IN to our heads. So, in the case of erotic dreams and nocturnal emissions we have no control over that. I would definitely not consider that a relapse or even a failure of any kind. I ALSO agree that if you see an attractive person (or even for almost no reason at all) a fantasy could pop into your brain. I've definitely experienced this and, I agree, there's nothing you can do to stop this from happening. I wouldn't consider that a slip. You're right, that's normal, healthy, and part of having a sex drive.

    The point I'm making by saying "fantasizing is unacceptable" comes from my own experience and was really directed AT ME specifically (sometimes my writing on here is unclear because I'm sort of journaling at the same time....so sometimes my words are actually meant to be addressed to myself). The point I'm making to myself addresses 2 scenarios:

    1) The first case is where I see something/someone that turns me on OR my brain just decides to produce a fantasy because chemically I'm craving sex. In this case, while I didn't choose to produce the fantasy, I CAN choose where I give my ATTENTION and how I RESPOND to that fantasy. A healthy response (I believe) would be to appreciate the beauty, appreciate the sexual feelings and drive, remind myself that now is not the time for sex (that is, unless the person is my wife and we're at home! haha!), and choose to return my attention to my present moment and the responsibilities in front of me. The UNHEALTHY response (and again this is simply coming from my personal experience) is to set my attention on this fantasy, let it build sexual tension and feelings of discontent, let myself feel that I NEED a sexual experience right now, and leave the present moment with its responsibilities. I found this response (if it doesn't lead to complete relapse) will typically make nofap very difficult.

    2) The second case is when I'm struggling with urges and temptations to look at porn and I DECIDE to fabricate a sexual fantasy in my mind. Just creating imaginations in my mind can make me feel some level of dopamine rush and lightly "scratches the itch" for porn. It's kind of like edging but only in your mind. I used to excuse this because it wasn't technically looking at P or Ming. However, in practice I've found this only makes things worse. It's like being on a diet and choosing to think about cake and donuts all day. Not technically breaking the diet, but really not helping you achieve your goal. Furthermore, it continues to support the CRAVING for porn, even if you aren't acting on those fantasies.

    Those are my experiences anyway. I believe each person thinks and functions a bit different, so probably each of us has to decide what we will and won't tolerate.

    Thanks for sharing your thoughts! I really believe that discussing these particulars is really helpful for all of us. Life tends to be way more nuanced and complicated than we want it to be. These types of discussions really help bring clarity (or at least help us learn how to THINK in ways that bring clarity). I'm interested to hear any response you might have to my thoughts here!
     
  2. Timothy_James

    Timothy_James Fapstronaut

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  3. hermitthefrog

    hermitthefrog Fapstronaut

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    Thank you for this response, it's a great clarification of what you wrote earlier and I really appreciate that we can have useful discussions like this on the forum! I agree with both your points 1 & 2.

    I have to admit that I occasionally fantasize as kind of a substitute for P, specifically to help me calm down and take my mind off things that bother me when I lay down to sleep. Even if this kind of thinking is not relapsing, it could be considered slipping/edging, because like you mention it does reinforce the craving for P. Furthermore it is an inappropriate/potentially damaging solution to a problem (not being able to sleep) that needs a better solution. For instance meditation would be a better alternative in those situations.
     
  4. hermitthefrog

    hermitthefrog Fapstronaut

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    On day 46/90

    I am quite sure I've never gone this long without PMO!
     
  5. the_wizard

    the_wizard Fapstronaut

  6. testwarz

    testwarz Fapstronaut

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    Thank you my friend and I’m walking next to you on this journey!. the days will surely pass and you will reach 90 and beyond
     
  7. testwarz

    testwarz Fapstronaut

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    I felt the same at that time but keep strong and keep going.. it only gets better and better!
     
  8. hahaha, good point!
    bur it's still.hard to face for me! here we heat water with just a pot as it's getting cold now.. do u also use charcoal? and we don't have a shower "properly speaking" no water running from above.. have to pour it down on urself, that's why cold "shower" is so difficult for me, count to 3 before starting! deep breaths!!
     
  9. day 73/90... 17 days more left i hope they also pass easily...
     
  10. Day 41/90 No PM
    Day 491 at attempting this challenge
    Day 175 weight training (M, W, F)
    Lifestyle: No caffeine or alcohol and reduced desserts
     
  11. coloursmove

    coloursmove Fapstronaut

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    9 days so the first tenth done. Overall I'm feeling strong and have a posotive outlook. The feeling that I'm not alone but have a whole group of backers who are cheering me on is what gets me through the tougher moments.
     
  12. you do!!
     
  13. Jerky

    Jerky Fapstronaut

  14. Ceekay

    Ceekay Fapstronaut

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    We are going. Heaven knows where we are going
     
  15. Ceekay

    Ceekay Fapstronaut

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  16. lookingtochange

    lookingtochange Fapstronaut

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    Day 24. Started off not great, very anxious and feeling down some of my friends flaked on hanging out, but I've adjusted my expectations with those friends, and I actually expected that to happen. Still I don't feel great, because I did want to hang out. Anyways, I'm really proud of myself for being able to turn today around; I think I've actually made it a good day, and that shows me I can take challenges and surpass them. I just need to be careful and not get too excited.
     
  17. Nekkhamma

    Nekkhamma Fapstronaut

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    7 days done, no pmo. Let’s get one more
     

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