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Discussion in 'Events & Challenges' started by 2525, Oct 27, 2017.
Yes it is! Still it's always good to be aware and careful.
Day 35/90. Since my gf has been back (about 10 days ago), this is the best I have been feeling. I'm doing things for myself and not letting her constant mood swings affect me. She's been dealing with some stress so I need to be understanding with her. At least everything is good with us, and she is also returning to normality. The strange thing is I was able to be so happy by myself while she was away for almost two months. Still I think I'm happier when she's around.
So, day 0 one more time. I was skirting the edge again today, starting with innocent pictures, until there was a less innocent one, clicked on that, looked for similar stuff, touched myself a bit... Stupid stuff. As bad days go, I managed to realise this was a bad one and stop it and turn it around fairly quickly, so I see that as a win, but I can not let my counter keep running.
I realised two things today:
1. I still have to find a good way of dealing with unexpected things. On Monday I realised that I have to stop being surprised by chaos and by urges and be prepared for them instead. But then today it felt like I was just inviting it, and I still ended up being totally overwhelmed and feeling helpless. So I'm still struggling with that, this feeling of not being able to cope with what life throws at me. @bromor, do you maybe know some good videos on that subject?
2. It's time to do this more hardcore. I do realise my relationship towards sex is still weird and filled with a lot of insecurities and anxieties. I don't know what to do with my desires and they creep into weird places. In the last few weeks, I catch myself staring at my female neighbors at the other end of the street when they're in the bathroom coming out of the shower, hoping to catch them naked for a second. This is just as unhealthy as watching porn. And the role of sex in the relationship with my girlfriend is still weird as well: she feels me being very needy, which turns her off, and I find that sex is extremely connected with my self-esteem, like I need her to have sex with me in order for me to feel okay about myself. But then I also put so much pressure on it that it messes my brain up and I get ED.
Since we are hopefully continuing our pregnancy IUI treatments in a few weeks I cannot go for 100% no PMO, but I have made a decision to not aim for sex unless my girlfriend takes the lead, and to only allow M one time before and one time during the procedure. I have to rewire my brain when it comes to how I think about sex. So let's try and take a break from thinking about it at all.
19 days hard mode done...had another night where I woke up in the middle of the night, foggy, and started messing around with myself in that half awake state...didn’t orgasm, it was pretty short lived and soon caught myself, but it’s frustrating as I want to avoid that and felt it went slightly too long...setting the intention before I go to bed to catch myself, STOP, PAUSE, WAIT if that impulse happens again in that half awake state...doesn’t seem to be a reset or anything, but it’s such a slippery slope that I want to establish mindfulness and catch myself when that happens...good luck everyone, keep going
A whole week of work days!
Day 7/90. Yes!!!!!
Consider me IN. im counting on day 11 of 90
2/3 done, day 60
Checking in guys - thank you for all your support again!
Day 4/30 No MO
Day 39/90 No P
120 more hours...
https://universalman.com/metascript-method-download/ If you haven't started journaling, read this journal guide and follow. Hope it helps.
Hey @Merry Terry I noticed you mentioned some weird dynamics in your relationship regarding sex. I've also dealt with some emotional things in my sex life that really seemed out of alignment. I read a book recently that absolutely blew my mind called Unwanted (by Jay Stringer). It's all about how our current struggles with unwanted sexual behavior (be it porn, compulsive sex, buying sex, having affairs, or anything else) often reflect very directly our childhood trauma, emotionally shaping experiences, and/or neglect. I found it FASCINATING and it REALLY helped me understand some of the weirdness I experience with sexual relationships (along with helping me understand some of the not-so-mainstream fetish content I'm attracted to online).
One note, I do believe the author is Christian, which I think shows through his writing. However, he is also a psychologist and has worked in counseling (specifically helping people with unwanted sexual behavior) for many years. So, in general the book is written with an approach that is much more scientific than religious. Not sure your religious background but thought you should know.
Anyway, I highly recommend it!
https://universalman.com/the-reboot-regimen/ This might help as well. But make sure to follow through the metascript method.
Day 50 another great day!
Checking in day 25/90
Haven’t been as active the past couple days, staying focused on goals.
Keep with the challenge friends. I believe we can over come this and succeed. No doubt in my mind. Remember, your life is on the line. Also remember the power of choices. Some choices we make permanently alter and impact the course of your life. Therefore be aware of the choices you’re making and ask yourself is this helping me or hurting me? Each of us is responsible for both the choices we make and their consequences.
We live in a world that is attacking us from all angles. They are competing for our attention, our money, our time.
So be vigilant. Be mindful. Be intentional.
To Your Success,