[90-CHALLENGE] THE NINETY DAYS CHALLENGE !

Day 5

 

Nice work buddy! 5 weeks tomorrow - keep it up

 

completed 29 days of my streak 1 day for 30 days achievement

 

Day 2. I joined this forum 222 days ago. Of those 222 days, I was 197 days without M’ing to P.

 

I know, when I manage to avoid PMO for an extended period of time, sex always gets better. But that is one benefit that I find doesn't really stay when I relapse; just spending 15 minutes looking at things after, say, a 30-day streak already brings back my anxieties and insecurities when it comes to sex. So perseverance is essential.

 

Day 62 No M
Day 167 No P

Some more general motivaiton here! Repeat these thoughts until they become part of you! You will not fail!

 

Day 20 of 90.

Numbers don't lie, I believe if you are not beating the 90 days, it is important to review your journey. This challenge needs strategy.

Joined nofap in July 2019
Relapses;
100 days; October
35 days; February
9 days; March
8 days; April
21 days;May

I have to do what I did during my first challenge.
Watch out for the reason I relapsed in every challenge.

 

20 check.

 

2/90, I want to get rid of 20 years of porn and prostitutes, feel supermotivated!

 

I was sad after doing the second relapse. There was no guilt. Thanks for giving your opinion all the best to you.

 

Day 26/90

 

Thanks for clarifying the concept of binge for me. I stopped doing pmo more than once.

 

Day 7!
A whole week!

 

Day 52 checking in. My digestive system is keep improving with only two bowel movements needed in a day. It was used to be four or five before I started nofap.

 

It has been a great sucess with 67 days! You must have noticed a lot of positive changes to your health. One relapse won’t take back what you have gained for your body. Just take the lesson and keep going! You are not alone.

 

I agree. I have to fight it out. The first few days are going to be very difficult but somehow I have to get through them. This will be the biggest challenge for me.

 

Hey friend, I will also give you some encouragement. I totally get how you feel right now. I was on a 51 day streak just a couple weeks ago and I relapsed. It's really hard not to feel like you've lost everything and you're starting over BUT THAT'S NOT TRUE. Someone else on here mentioned that 67 days is AMAZING and if you spent a whole year doing 67 day streaks you'd only PMO about 5 times. That is REALLY GOOD!

Anyways, I feel you and I'm right here with you. I'm very near the beginning of my streak and I would consider it an honor to walk with you from this point in your journey.

Also, take a look at my signature. It keeps a record of total PMO-free days and days where I relapsed. This really helps me because it keeps in front of me that I haven't LOST those 51 days. I still have them on my record and they all still count! Having more and more porn free days is actually a much more important goal than getting to 90 days. Keep increasing the "blue" days and eventually you'll hit 90.

Hope this helps! Stay strong!

 

4/90

 

Hi guys,

As you all know how difficult it is to get back on track after you have relapsed from a long streak ( 67 days in my case) , today was basically spent cursing myself and feeling tremendous guilt for what I did. I think it is also important to reflect back on those 67 days and what went wrong in the end that made me relapse.

I) After day 60, I somehow felt dissociated from the forum. I stopped being responsive and considerate towards others. I started believing that I can do this on my own. I also started looking down on people who relapsed. I thought this will never happen to me. I will never relapse. But that's where I went wrong. It was the community that had helped me reach where I was back then and I started to shun away from the community. A lesson learnt that it is not about you, it is about the community. You not only have to help yourself but also help others. Its not only about your success stories but also helping others fight their addiction and reading their relapse stories and sympathising with them.Now, I will be more responsive and considerate towards others and be more personal about my struggles as well.

II) Also, I feel I have to be more personal. Share not only my successes but also the struggles in my life. I will now be elaborating as to why I relapsed. For that, I have to give some details about my personal life. After I completed a Masters degree, I applied for many jobs and for more than 1.5 years, I faced rejections. Thereafter, I decided to switch career path and decided to do Bachelors in a whole new domain.(I know this might seem weird why someone will do Bachelors after completing Masters but this is the right path for me because I have to learn a whole new set of technical skills that were not covered in my previous studies). Despite knowing I'm on the right path, I keep falling in the comparison trap. I keep comparing myself with others. Where they are in their lives and where I'm. I keep forgetting that every individual's journey is different. So when I can't understand anything in my current studies, I start questioning my decisions, think about all the job rejections I faced, compare how successful my friends are and How I'm so unsuccessful and how life has been so unfair. These emotions snowball into a giant and I'm left with no choice but to relapse. This chain of thoughts has to stop. This is the root cause of everything. I know the cause but I don't know the solution to this problem. If I can know the solution, I can definitely win the battle. Would love to hear from other people as to how I can stay focused , not let these emotions affect me and continue believing in the path that I'm on?

III) Because I'm studying again, I somehow feel I'm too harsh at myself. I keep blaming myself for my past failures. The various job rejections that I faced. I somehow feel because I have not reached where I want to be, I'm not entitled to happiness of any kind. If I enjoy a bit, I'm wasting time. Like my brain tells me to devote 100% of my time to studies. Because I have been unsuccessful in the past,I am scared of failure again when I apply for jobs after I graduate. So my brain tells me you have no right to experience happiness now, maybe in the future after you get a good job but not now. So I have to struggle everyday with this thought. Even if someone invites me for dinner, I say NO because my brain tells me that I'm wasting time. So in short, when I waste lot of time ( which is like walking in the park, talking to friends or even just enjoying over little pleasures of life ), my brain tells me I'm guilty now and to overcome the guilt, I take to P and M. Because after P and M, I will be depressed and I will stop enjoying life and so I will be back on track . And this mindset is completely wrong because I will never be on track. In fact, I will be sucked more and more into isolation, loneliness and depression. I hope you are following the chain of thought. I will highly appreciate if someone could help me break this negative chain of thought and suggest possible options.

IV) To conclude, I'm happy that I shared with everyone what was going in my mind. The one thing positive that came out of the relapse is that I didn't relapse today. It could have been so easy to fall back to the old ways after ruining my streak. But I made it past the first day.Just to motivate myself, I will say that I have completed the mini one day challenge as part of the 90 day challenge. I know the next few days are going to be very difficult and they will test me in every way possible. Almighty please give me strength and inner courage that I can face my biggest test. Guys, I also need your support. Please keep me motivated during my difficult time.

 

Thank you so much for your encouraging words. It would be great to have you walk with me from this point in my journey. I have just made a new post highlighting my experiencing over the last 67 days. Please have a read. And It would be great to read about your experiences in this forum.