Day 1. I joined this forum 253 days ago. Of those 253 days, I was 221 days without M’ing to P. All my relapses fit in these two scenarios now: 1. frustration because I stumble upon a beautiful woman or a sexy story online and I want it to be real but it's not, and I don't want to accept that so I try to prolong the fantasy/frustration 2. sad and mostly unsuccessful attempts to get horny because I want to escape from something There is 0 joy or actual excitement involved anymore, most of the time I'm not even hard. It's purely based on behavioral patterns now. Sadly, I'm a creature of habit and I always have a hard time ridding myself of bad behavior. But I'm getting there.