So much relatable. Yes, at first it looked like an unsurmountable task. But not anymore. Every passing day gives you more strength when you endure it. The more strength you get, the better person you become. Cheers!
Day 35/90 Day 592 at attempting this challenge Day 205 weight training (M, W, F) Lifestyle: reduced caffeine, alcohol and sweets
Day 01/90 I have been away for very long time. Been on and off on nofap since my relapse after 88 days streak. Now I want to be committed again, to start over. Wish me luck.
Day 16/90. Honestly, moving away from porn has me reevaluating what I want out of my relationship. I used to (and still do, sometimes) feel a lack of something in my relationship, and I would go to porn to satisfy it. I wanted to have with my significant other what I saw on the computer screen. Expectations I’ve been building around sex and love since I was 13. But real love isn’t like a porn video. It isn’t just gratuitous sex, where you get off to each other in more creative and absurd ways every time. It’s awkward, a little sweaty, cumbersome, and other-focused. And you have to be able to laugh with your partner, and be vulnerable, and patient. I think I was getting depressed because love isn’t one big sex fest like it is in porn. And feel like no matter how good my sex life is, I want more. I expect more. And I become depressed if it doesn’t live up to expectations. But how selfish is that? Porn is completely self centered. And while I’ve been thinking about what I can get out of sex, I’ve been neglecting to think about how I can give of myself, in love, to my partner. Anyway, might be a little too personal for a daily update, but these are my thoughts today. Porn is self centered. In porn, good sex is dependent on constant variety and “performance.” Real love is self giving, and free of expectations. Something I’ve got to work on.
