I’m resetting my counter. I want to be tough on myself. No P, but I allowed my self to focus on sex constantly for the last 4 days and it ended today with me M. I’m embarrassed to actually type that but I’m hoping it will get me out of my head and back to clear thinking. I was on vacation all last week at the beach. Being with my wife while she is in a bathing suit made it very difficult for me to not focus all my attention her way. We had sex on Tuesday and Wednesday started the chaser effect. I didn’t make any attempt to prevent it. Wednesday I pushed to hard to have sex again, which didn’t happened and left me feeling down. Thursday continued the same. The whole drive home I couldn’t keep my hands off my wife. Pushing the envelope the whole time. Again, all day staying in my head with no clear thinking. Thursday night I was turned down again. Friday, more of the same, turned down again. Yesterday, I continued to punish myself staying in my head. Never looking at P but pushing the envelope on social media with pictures. Seeing how far I could go without going over the edge. Ive said this before, but when I’m stuck in sex mode, i can’t snap out of it and I have no clue who I am and ultimately become embarrassed of my self when I finally snap out of it. Last night, I had sex with the wife, but I could tell she only did it because of the pressure for the last several days. This always leaves me down afterwards because I’ve put too much pressure on her. But that didn’t stop me from waking up this morning and continuing my bad thoughts, social media pushing the edge and not keeping my hands off my wife. I try to disguise it by it being a “massage”, but I always push it too far. She finally pushed me away and I went to bathroom and finished myself. I felt like I had too to finally snap out of it. Which is a lie. What has helped is me finally coming here and typing this out. I’ve told myself multiple times in the last several days I needed to come here and type my story and it would help, but I didn’t. I let it go to far, so here I am, back at day 0, feeling embarrassed, pissed and disgusted with myself.
Day 0. Hi everyone. I have been contemplating the last few days and had relapses. Currently I am doing exercise by running outside, which kinda helps me deal with the anxiety (contrary to going for a walk). I am thinking to start listening to prayers again (like I used to do, before the outbreak. It kinda populated my mind with clean thoughts) I am also thinking on using self-talk more heavily like I used to when I made big streaks. And I'll try to keep updating here, so I have a sense of accountability. Btw is there a good and safe way to get an accountability partner? Cheers.
Checking in, Day 1/90 (55 total) Exactly @the_wizard. Skip it. Congratulations @_Just_For_PRJ_! Nice! Welcome to NoFap! Congratulations @Xack567
Here's my starting advice @SOS13 : - start a journal and record why you want to quit. Review this regularly. (Even better, print/write it out and stick it somewhere in your room/wherever you'll see it regularly). - don't give porn a chance: we have all discovered how that little devious voice "one little peek won't hurt" leads to more. This applies not just to porn, but to anything which causes excitement, e.g. models on social media, nudity/sex scenes in tv etc - fill the void with other things which are meaningful to you. (By "void" I mean the time wasted on porn, and whatever it is you're using porn for, like escape from loneliness, sadness, anxiety, whatever) Welcome back to NoFap (3 or 4 weeks ago?) That sounds tough. The ollll' chaser effect...I wondered what that would be like in marriage. I hope your time on NoFap will help you to defeat this. It'll take time, but with persistence, you'll get there. Btw if you want put a link to your journal beneath your username (it'll be easier for yourself and others to find): Copy the link, go into your personal details, and go to "Journal Thread Link". Paste the link there.
Day 13/90 Day 625 attempting this challenge Global Counter 95% (since joining) Day 219 weight training (M, W, F) Lifestyle: reduced caffeine, alcohol and sweets
