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Discussion in 'Events & Challenges' started by 2525, Oct 27, 2017.
88 checking in.
Day 3 complete
Ya all these kind of triggers may look silly but they are so much real to deal with. I am observing mine.
It's normal. It will pass. I used to feel exactly the same. Try to do something physical, like working out, running or just walking. It helps to get you back in a better mood. For the concentration issues, you probably have brain fog. That will also go away, but it takes more time. Just make sure you eat healthy and food that you know is brain friendly.
As for porn, stay away, because will just reset the cicle and you will have to suffer everything again.
Good luck to you!
I don't have the crazy urges anymore, but even thought I have reached 120 days my brain still trying to play tricks on me. For example, yesterday I had a major family drama. You know, the typical complaining, arguing about some bullshit and eventually both side are upset and super mad etc..
Later when I was by my self, right away my brain was like: You see.. they don't care for you so you deserve to relax, PMO. Fuck it all and everyone.
Back in the days I used to bend down to this type of mentality so easy. Not anymore, because I know my life is much better now.
Other example: Can't sleep for whatever reason.
My brain: Just PMO this time and you will be able to sleep and I promise I wont bother you next time.
Today, for whatever I can't sleep, I just pick a book and read. Guaranteed I will fall sleep in 15 mins.
Getting to 90+ days, it does not means that you will be 100% free from your old-self, but your new-self is more fun, interesting, smarter and happier.
Who are you going to listen to when you are feeling the urges?
Be the new you!
Good luck everyone!
Thanks for these two typical examples and how you handle them! I can confirm that and encourages me very much to continue on the path!
Checking in again. Day 8. Saw some sexual images the other day but have/had no desire to PMO so it didn't matter. I won't look at anything again. Most important is that I avoided PMO and continue my journey. My digital detox failed because my little trip was postponed. Anyway..
Today September 14th I watched the Rebuild of Evangelion movies, this was very nostalgic for me, on a deep level. I opened up to myself and I teared up the first time in years. This happened because these characters and the whole theme is connected to my younger self. I used to watch the original series and the newer movies worked as a link back to something that was stuffed deep inside of my heart.
One central theme in these movies are loneliness. Every character is lonely.
I could literally smell sometihng I haven't smelled in years. I could smell the scent of a different time. In my mind / heart I travelled back to my 14~17 year old self and experienced how lonely I was back then.. and still am. How the people I knew back then have "faded away" like ghosts as well as the chances I had in life that I didn't take, because of fear, insecurity, and sorrow. Those people have different lives now and they are completely different people. I can't talk to them. The ones they were does not exist anymore. A part of my younger self woke up inside my heart and I felt a need to go back to change things, to make better choices, but it's too late. The ones they were are no more.. but gone.. and so are those times. In the middle of a mix of thoughts and nostalgic emotions I reminded myself that this is my life story and no one elses. I shouldn't compare myself to anyone elses lives... But I still feel left behind. Not only by some other people, but by myself. The hope I have is that I can still turn this around. I look at myself in the mirror and I see a relatively young and handsome man. Why is he alone? What is the problem? What is blocking his emotions? Why does he have trouble letting people in?
"The longest journey you will make in your life is from your head to your heart" - a native american.
I have this deep need inside of me to connect. Not necessarily physically, with a woman, but rather spiritually with someone. Heart to Heart. The chances we have in life to do that can be taken for granted, but the next day they're gone. That person, is gone. That chance is, gone. And you won't find anyone like that for years, or ever again. I hate to say it but I have been running away from a lot of things in my life. I have to be real and tell myself the truth. And that is the truth.
Things that happened when I was around the age 17 resulted in me shutting people out, and I become even more introverted after that. It's not my fault what happened. It is what it is.
But no matter how "strong" I am on my own right now, it's just a very hard and well polished shell on the outside. On the inside I'm still that 16 year old boy, more or less. We humans (most of us) need a deeper connection and I can't find that in this cold LED-illuminated world. ..or was that just my excuse to protect my own prison by blaming it on others for not being receptive enough to that type of connection? Either way I'm beginning to open up..
Life was so much easier as a teenager in the 90's/00's. There were plenty of possibilities. I also experienced a lot of emotional pain back then. But the thing is that back then, people who hurt me still had the chance to turn things around. But they never did. And now it's too late. I must forgive myself, and forgive them.. I need to move on. I have a life to live. I'm still young.
I know I'm not very specific, and that's for a reason.
The main thing I want to say with all this is; You are loved, You deserve to be loved. I don't care who you are. You deserve love and someone need someone like you. No matter how much you would want to deny it. You are needed. Somewhere for someone.
My entire life I've had this longing for something. But I don't know what it is that I'm longing for. It's a mysterious feeling and the older I've gotten the more that feeling have faded. But today I felt it again. Like a silent wakeup call. Quietly I beg for this feeling to stay with me. I have felt it before while watching the sunset, while breathing the autumn air, and from smelling the first layer of snow in December.
I don't know if it's a feeling of love, or if it's a feeling of sadness. It's just there and I have no words for it.
But it's way better than emptiness.
Someone out there needs me and I want to find that person. I don't ask for anything in return. I just want that connection.
I just want to make someone elses life better and show to that person life doesn't have to be lonely. I want that someone to know that I genuinely care. Not for what they give me, but for who they are.
Day 0 checking in
You are absolutely right: life means sharing it and using it for another person. Then it becomes a fulfilled life!