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Discussion in 'Events & Challenges' started by 2525, Oct 27, 2017.
I haven't posted here in a bit...
Got back to my workout today, but I'm way weaker. I was doing 50 push-ups a day and this morning completely failed. Trying to learn better form so that's probably part of it. This last period has been a blur... Brainfog is real. I am going to have to accept that this last binge has taken a lot out of me. I'm not eating as well, not sleeping as well, stopped working out. My OCD brain is trying to tell me things like: "You can't start a new streak until you accomplish 'x' task" and that I have to do things in different orders and stuff. I am more prone to obsessing over stuff like this when I'm not doing well. Right now I just want to feel freedom from this again. I know that I have to start today, and will have to accept that I'm a lot weaker right now and will have to make the challenges I give myself more manageable. I've seen the difference between how I preform with PMO and without it for an extended period and the difference is pretty big.
I did take a huge step in deleting my porn collection. It was like... about 13k files and I'm pretty sure it was reduced before. Most of it was just stuff I looked at for like a second and just felt the need to horde...
Day 1 complete, not gonna use social media anymore.
After a lot of relapses I am deciding to give it a serious go again and start a new streak before I have to go to work. I have to work four in a row so if I can get through that then at least I’ll know the chaser effect is beaten, and a good chunk of the day will be eaten up so slightly less time to relapse. Listening to “Your Brain on Porn” gave me hope I can still do this.
I don’t think I should set as big of goals as I used to as I oddly feel in unfamiliar territory right now. It's like there’s something different about what I’m experiencing now versus previous nofap experiences. I fear the benefits I built up are gone now, but hopefully that won’t prove to be completely true. I just think there’s something unique about having a big streak and then hitting rock bottom after; people seem to have a very hard time getting back to where they were. As I continually relapse I'm starting to feel more like how I did prior to getting involved in the challenges here.
I will make smaller goals and slowly build myself back up from scratch rather than expect I can do everything I could before. Right now my goal is simply to make it through this next 24 hour period. Nice and simple, but I have a feeling it could end up being as hard as it was in the old days. I can tell my brain is once again used to feeding off porn and masturbation and is now expecting it regularly again. Those old neural pathways have opened up!
I remember I used to be pretty much bed ridden with urges and withdrawal symptoms. It's crazy to think about how addicted I got! But from that I learned that I could say no to urges no matter how strong they were; that it was just short term pain for long term gain.
If I have to fight that hard again I will!
Unfortunately i relapsed
I failed to stay clean till my birthday
My thoughts aren't clear enough, i need to seek help, i need to talk to someone about my addiction.
I can't see and end to this.
The same pattern again: i peek, i relapse.
The moment i feel hopeless and sad, i start Searching sexual stimulation...sigh.
You got this MHero! Learn from the relapse and try again!
Half a month gone, and I haven't watched porn or masturbated yet. It is good. Feels powerful.
I'm gonna celebrate this, and go on a short trip.
And I encourage my fellow fapstronauts to celebrate their victories as well, it will definetly fuel your drive.
Let's do this guys.
All the best and thankyou!
Day 7 of 90
Day 9 of 90 no P
Day 9 of 90 no alcohol
Day 24/90 completed (L1)
I almost slipped yesterday due to very bad sleep, but I slept much better today. I think I overtrained + went on climbing practice late in the evening - my cortisol was probably very high which resulted in waking up multiple times.
Bad sleep = bad decisions next day if you let your emotions do the talking! This is why good nights sleep is the priority always!
Interesting Video. I thought about the Redpill
DAY 1!. Finaly I overcome the first 24 hours, the hardest part most of the time.
Thank you friend, I'm trying.
The good thing is that i kept the damage to minimum.
The urges are hitting stronger...., I'm learning to say no.
Sounds almost exactly like me! Except I don't drink at all.
You are not alone! My advice is for you to keep koming back here and read the forum posts.
Together we can find ways to cope with the impulses and the OCD-like behaviour.
Writing things down can be very effective. Also talk out loud to yourself when you're alone so that you can verbalize you thoughts so that you can hear them really helps. It's like talking sense to yourself. When you become aware of your subconscious behaviours and the reasons to why you react or think in a certain ways, the subconscious lose it's power because you pull it up to the surface so that you can understand what the underlying problem is and where it comes from. There is a solution to everything.
I recognize that feeling of having to do things in different orders as you described.
Talking for myself. It's interesting how at one point I can be extremely interested in one thing, like an OCD-like obsession.
But when I've entered a whole different level of consciousness by doing something that is much better for me, then over time I don't care about that OCD obsession anymore. It's strange how the brain works but obsessions are just illusions.
By widening our perspective we can see, feel and understand things we couldn't before.
Will be day 6 today.