We are on Day 5 again. Day 5...we meet again. This time the urges aren't as strong as they were before around this time. There are times though when i forget why i'm doing this. And if i were to remind myself right now, it would be because I become more active, level headed, and efficient in the things I do. It seems to do wonders for my ADHD, anxiety, and depression. I like that i'm able to maintain eye contact and just have the feeling of accomplishment that i made it though another day without porn. And then there are times when i think, why am i doing this crap? just jerk off already and go on with your life. When doing so would cost me time, patience, frustration, low self-esteem, and disappointment. I want to do this!
A lot of people are stuck at home.. Take responsibility for your "relapse" and quit blaming. I say this as someone who's been doing this challenge for a few years and never made it past 45 days. I " relapse" when my recovery and spiritual fitness lose top priority. Half measures won't do it. I spent most of my life blaming people, conditions or Life. I no longer like the role of poor pathetic victim and so am looking at what part I play in ALL my failures. Blame keeps us stuck. Stay on the path.
I'm in day 10 of no pmo and day 20 of no PO. Every now and then I feel the need to make sure things are still working down below the belt. I need to let go of that fear and just trust the process. I'm in day 10 and am glad my last " relapse" didn't involve porn. I again smoked pot for a few days ( substituting addictions)which kept me from checking in but thank God I didn't pmo. I need to put recovery and spiritual fitness as the top priority and keep it there if I want real success.
Day 24, I went through a hard time since today's morning. I slept late, then while being half-awake I MO. Sadly (this happens to me from time to time, it is like my unconscious takes control over my body). This afternoon, after feeling frustrated and stressed I searched porn, but fortunately I hold on. I was very close to falling into the same trap. Now, I'm glad I hold on, at least I kept the damage to the minimum.
