[90-CHALLENGE] THE NINETY DAYS CHALLENGE !

21/90- Three weeks in! Letting go of unrealistic expectations and being patient are essential in this journey, I feel. I will live in the present as much as I can. I have enjoyed this day!

 

Start of day 4. I'm going to try and get in the habit of posting on this topic daily; shortly after I wake up. I think I'll post what I'd like to accomplish in that day, and whether or not whatever I was hoping to get done the previous day came to fruition. Maybe that will strengthen my drive and hone my focus. For today, I'd like to put every last one of the native plants I purchased into the ground, clean the house, and finish the book I'm reading (70 pages or so left).

 

Back to 0 again
I know I'm good for the rest of the week.
Energy level is still high which is unusual so that's a big plus.
Tomorrow gym for sure. Haven't been there in 3 days which leads me to believe I used an alternative outlet.
I know that break of 2 and a half weeks was what i needed. As long as its not every day. But 2 days in a row, Dangerous.

 

Almost completing 24 hours!!

The first week is like hell to me.

Glad I found this thread, I hope it helps me!

 

DAy 2 from 90 , damm its going to be long journey

 

Day 6. I have been super busy and dispite all the relapses I haven't watched online P but instead had multiple projects.
I must say I feel quite good right now. I enjoy the progress, the feeling of moving forward and the achievments of my project/work.
All this physical work has improved my body as well so maybe I've found the "gym" that I was looking for.

One tip for people without motivation is to just start doing something. It's the *spark* that we need in order to start something whatever it is. If you want to work out, try to lift just one weight and feel it in your hand. Wait for a while, and do that again. In a relatively short time you will start to feel like you want to do more. It could be anything else. But there is power in DOING. Just DO.

Without movement there can not be any change.
Easy said, now I have to walk the talk.

 

Im just starting out haha! Lets go!!!

 

im on day 4 guys....
nice energy...still having some urges but im ok...!!!
going to gym...to distract

 

Day 2

 

Day 4. Having trouble. But I have to fight it.

 

Day 3 of my 90 day challenge. Keep on going everyone, you’ve got this!

 

43/90 today.

 

Day 17.

I will not PMO today because it motivates me to go out on dates.

 

Day 1 again.. i will start again and try to be far away from that evil whole summer. I will post updates here every day as usual. I wish to see you all at end of August to tell that you made it!
SOMETIMES WE WIN, SOMETIMES WE LEARN

 

New Start
Day 0 of 90 Pmo Free

 

Day 22



7 August 2022

 

Hahaha - im going to use fasting to stop me thinking bad thoughts, this forum is epic I dont feel alone anymore

 

Day 39

 

Day 1 today. Easy week.
I will focus on abstinence this weekend.
2 weeks at least for optimal drive and then focus on maintaining.
Gym today. Going to be Epic!

 

And just when things went better for a while I shot myself in the foot agaion like a complete moron!
F A I L U R E

I have to make a decision and it will probably be a very difficult one. Probably the most difficult choice of my entire life. Either I'm completely without porn or any sexual images for the rest of my life and delete every single image/video/bookmark, or, I continue on the same road and .. I don't even want to think where that path lead to but it won't be pretty.
So what choices do I have? Porn is a dangerous drug. A parasitic poison that thrives around loneliness, frustration, insecurity, abuse, other drugs, and much more. It sucks the life out of you and the content is increasingly designed to make you feel like sh*t.

I've been thinking of how I could build a new mindset to get over this problem without falling back to it again.

I try to think like this: I will certainly die and a human life are both unpredictable and fragile at the same time so I might die way earlier than what's expected. When I leave my body I won't take any material things with me. Neither my clothes nor my body. And definitely not Porn. So.. When I start to think like that I can slowly feel how Greed and Obsessiveness fades away, but I need to do more of that.
It's part of the Brain Cleaning. We are surrouned by illusions and porn is just one of them. I've been thinking about what really, REALLY, matters in life I realised that true unconditional love and wisdom/deep knowledge/insights are what matters the most in a human life. Maybe there are some more things.

So in the end I have been growing up in a massive lie. Well the rabbit hole goes deep but to stay on track here I can say that of all the problem that holds humanity back from reaching higher levels of awareness about themselves and their whole reality, they all have one thing in common: they trap human perception into a false (FAKE) reality.
Now, when I'm at balance I can have an amazing flow of creativity but I do understand that just making things up for the sake of creating fantasy-worlds, films, video games and so on just for the sake of "entertainment" is destructive. Especially if it contains violence, sex, drugs etc.. Sure it's "Fun". Of course it is! That's what it's designed to do. To perceptually program you with dopamine as a weapon. But it takes more from you than it gives back to you. It Traps you more than it sets you Free even though you don't know it. Once it becomes an "escape" to you then you're not facing reality anymore, and you're more or less, stuck. You're living a lie, not real life. Then it makes you long for the next release, the next episode, the next film, the next version, the next phone, graphic card, car, and so on. Then you're stuck in a materialistic bubble that most of us are stuck in it more or less, unfortunately.

I can still obsess over material things or about sexual images. Why? Because of dopamine ofcourse. From a logical perspective or even a spiritual perspective it doesn't make any sense what so ever to go on doing this, right? So why chase dopamine over and over again? Because it's an escape.. Why do I want to escape? What's the point of not facing my problems?
Is it just as simple as the brain just wants more of the "good stuff" and it doesn't understand that it's bad. It only wants that dopamine.
We have to say ENOUGH of this crap!

As I've sad multiple times, months ago, or even years. You can not change your life with the same level of consciousness that created your problem in the first place. You need to climb higher to get some perspective. From there you can locate a way out. That's what I need to do now. Watching porn comoletely ruined my sleep so I had absolutely NO sleep what so ever because of the dopamine.
This is scary and this shit has to stop. I also have to deal with not obsessing over other material things like playing/buying video games, clothes that I don't need, dopamine foods, and so forth.

It takes one hell of dicipline to leave this crap behind.
What's funny is that at the same time, porn addiction is somewhat like grabbing a chair with your hand then saying "help, I'm an chair addict and it's stuck on my hand!"

When perception changes and when we can understand how things connect and how they work our lives must change because from perception comes absolultely everything. Life's what you make it. Be the change that you want to see in the world. It takes a lot to do but how honest are we to ourselves, do we want to lie to ourselves and deny the truth?
How can we be whole as human beings, as spiritual beings if we can't face and admit our problems exist, and do what is right?

I ask myself these questions..