Man...this was really comforting, truly. For some reason it feels better to know you are not alone in that experience. I mean: it's not that I didn't know before. But still, thanks. It helps. And yeah. It IS humiliating. I mean, if you can't control yourself, how can you hope to control anything? I think it applies in all sorts of ways. How can you have a truly good relationship with someone, for example, if you don't have a good relationship with yourself? How can you be at peace with the world and life, if you are not at peace with yourself? And it goes on and on. And therapists mostly think it's just a matter of thinking about it differently, that it is not such a big deal, etc. But I think it is a big deal. The way I think about it, if you can do this, then every day you know you did at least ONE thing properly. You moved forward. Your day might've been horrible; but you still advanced. And then we all have good days and bad days, and regular days; but with this you know that there is at least one constant in your life, where you always move forward. And I truly believe if you are going to choose ONE thing to do, this is it. Exercise for example is also great, ofc; but if you for example go on vacation for a couple of weeks and don't exercise, it's really not such a big deal. Even if you ate junk food, drank booze, whatever; it's fine. You can recover afterwards, it's not such a big deal. For me it isn't anyway; I know there are people who struggle with over-eating or booze. Not a problem for me. But this fucking shit? Relapsing? Man, it really sets me back. It makes me not want to do anything, and doubt I can do anything. It makes me think, how can I have such mighty goals, like say, starting a company? Which is sth I always wanted to do (I'm a programmer). How can I even think of doing something so challenging, if I can't even control myself? And finally, when I do NoFap I get an actual interest in girls. Real, actual girls. I find myself actually enjoying talking to them, getting interested in what they say, etc. Which is I think the way it's supposed to work. You are supposed to feel like that, to enjoy the whole thing; not just sex. Girls are great. But when I masturbate, I lose all interest in women. I'm not particularly nervous around them, but I have zero interest and zero patience. And plus, I ger erectile dysfunction. And most girls were actually pretty decent to me about it. But it's embarrassing. So combine that with lack of interest, and why would I want to expose myself to that again? It's humiliating. I've managed to fix that with penis strengthening pills (why the hell is the word banned? I can't send the name of the brand, won't let me post, wtf? I know it's not good, that's the whole point.), but then the sex is horrible. It feels mechanical. And I can't ejaculate. Anyway, enough. Whatever your circumstances, whoever is reading this: masturbation is bad. Porn is also bad, yes; but masturbation in general is a bad thing. There's no need to go into details, we've all seen the videos. It drains you, it drains the life out of you. All societies knew this, all religions discourage it. That's for a reason; men all over the world, in all sorts of cultures, realized how damaging this was. And how strengthening retention is. So, WHY would you do this to yourself? Why? I wish I knew. Anyway, stay strong. And thanks for the message. It really helped. And it also helps getting all of this off my chest. Oh: 1/90. Hurray.
Day 13, At the time of writing those words, I feel very exhausted. I'm going to take a long break from the internet. It was a tough week. Despite all the stress, anger, frustration, anxiety and fatigue, I managed to stay clean for almost two weeks "No matter how bad life may seem, there is always something you can do, and succeed at" ~Stephen Hawking I wish you all a peaceful weekend. Stay strong
18/90- Joy is abundant right now in my life despite the very strong urges. July Challenge Take a 2 min Cold Shower Daily Learning Software/Web Development (160 hours in total) Run/Jog at least 40 KM in total Research toxic shame daily Read about and practice Cognitive Behavioral Therapy daily Complete workshop in Recovery Nation (recoverynation.com) Read at least 4 books : Book 1 [Soft Porn Plays Hardball] Exercise Daily Use YouTube for only 30 mins max a day
Day 3 (2): it was uneasy day. Wanted to do another relapse but still, I have managed to hold out. There is supposed to be a bad joke about the quantity of relapses to hold out to 90 days. (sorry, guys) During this day I have practiced the drawing and the language. Today I'm about to hit the gym.
Awesome challenges!! I am already doing daily exercises or workouts ever since I started with my streak, it really feels good!! I used to be able to run 10km in one go a few years back, now I can't even hit 3km... So, I think I will pick up my running shoes again and join you on running for 40km this month!! Lets do it!! I am one day behind you at 17/90!! - lets keep this up together and hopefully we can both achieve the finish line together
