Day 10: Feeling great, up to double digits now. Makes me realise that time flies, been nearly 10 days since. Feeling more myself, more me, more centred and more confident in me. My goals in regards to pornography have been to safeguard ME, myself and my personality, for pornography makes me into someone else, someone not me, and someone I don't want to be. Harbouring me, having me, being me - that's one of the things that keeps me straight on this journey, even after so many days of abstinence, when the brainwashing starts to appear like a "good idea". Being ME, in this moment, in this day, this reality, and not living in the past or in times where I did feel good about myself, for I feel good about myself now. I've never been so confident in ME, the real me, not a false self created in order to attain an equilibrium for a lack of love within. Feeling "in the moment", real, not separate from life.
About 30 mins until end of Day 10, onto Day 11. Core feelings of why I use pornography coming up for me (guilt, shame, anger, sadness etc), so I've just been biding my time and seeing this as the death of the porn addiction and the freedom of myself. This emotional process is necessary, I have to go thru this in order to forever free myself from this horrible, crippling disease. Luckily, I have today off work and tomorrow, so I have time to be by myself and do whatever I wish to do. I might do some gardening today, some fresh air and exercise is good for the mind, body and soul. But yeah, into Day 11!
