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Discussion in 'Events & Challenges' started by painless_band-aid, Mar 19, 2019.
Day 22/90. I’m staying strong today by accepting myself and dealing with the urges instead of giving in to them like I used to.
Day 13/90 complete
The first day being back. I have to the urge to relapse. I know I have to take this seriously. Otherwise, I have to marry a woman that I dont actually love. just because of stupid night with her. I want to marry a woman because of who she is. Do not PMO. Do not PMO. It is bad. Easy way is for a wimp. Hard way is for a man. I even intended to lie to NoFap. My lower self tell me. It is okay just fap and then still keep the count. No no that is how not work. It does not help. You are on a journey to improve yourself. If you even lie to yourself, what can you do in life man? Be better. Stop PMO
After 20 day of NoFap and 7 day with no porn
I had a hard weekend and I stressed out and I faped
But I’m gonna start again
Anyone learn from his mistakes and it’s going to be easier than before
So I had my date today.
I've confessed to her about my PIED.
She's willing to try and understands the nature of rebooting.
It feels good to own up to it.
I've done it here in the forum, but it's a huge step with a girl.
Right now I'm like completely flat lining, trying not to stress about it, reminding myself that it's part of the process.
Day 23/90. No PMO, I don’t want to play with you today. Thanks for asking though lol
Day 6 completed
That is impressive. You walk your talk. That is how a man does. Strong will.
Day 14/90 complete
I failed yesterday and today. 3 days on a roll. Start all over again. I watched marvelous today. That is a big mistake. Start to stop watching a movie for a period of time. Rather than I should watch documentary- Man vs wild. Keep failing. I keep lieing to myself. I need to keep my promise. I need to stop now. Lower self keeps telling I already watched it. Just binge on it for the rest of the day. Already did it. just binge on it. Need to cut loss.
I really have to stop having empty promise. The next streak I need to hit is 30 days. I have to do it. I promise to all of you. I am the man of my word. You guys can bring it to the bank. I know I can do it. 30 days
I need to negotiate with my lower self about what defining porn rule, so that it does not take advantage and use a sex scene in the movie and proceed to say you lose your streak and it is okay to PMO. Here is the rule that you still can keep your streak and you can keep your badge. Before proceed, let me tell you this. This is YOUR journey. you are on a journey to improve yourself. You don't care about what other people do or think. You have a separate set of value. and you need to define it. This is your own game. You can have your own rule as long as it is reasonable and its goal is to have a better life. Here is the rule that I can still keep my badge.
1. You did not watch porn if it is accidental such as a movie scene or a nude picture of an advertisement etc. It is on a legit site such as youtube or amazon which tries to filter all explicit content. As long as it is not a conscious decision.
2. The ultimate important is that you did not masturbate because that is where you loose your energy and testosterone.
Testing the will exam- In the worst case scenario, even if I watch porn, but I can get out of it and don't masturbate. It is still consider a victory because the ultimate goal is not masturbate and I should be proud of it because I have the will to get out of it before it sunk too deep. I may get into muddy sand by "mistake". Get out of that muddy sand without a single wound. It is a great accomplishment. My will is tested.
Note to myself: Don't even think about using rule 3 because that is only emergency because "I'll just P without the MO! No, you won't. You'll just P for 4 hours straight until you finally can't resist touching the bulge in your shorts. Voila, relapse". if you think that is muddy sand, get out of it as soon as possible. You have to know you are a really basic level of a strong will. One leg is easy to get out than two legs in the muddy sand and you end up the whole body. Don't let muddy sand become your casket.
The reason that I need to take this more seriously because after 3 days on a roll of binging on PMO, I lost my motivation to go out there and having a real relationship. Easy way is for wimp. Hard way is for a man.
So I guess that's it guys! Two weeks sharp and PMO! Don't have much time to explain the cause... Mostly it was the urge and kind of insomnia.
Good luck to you all!
Hope I'll be back soon...