90 Day Journal - 2nd Try

rp007

rp007

Fapstronaut
Hi All,

I did try abstaining from PMO last time, was successful for almost 130+ days. One of the best times (personally and professionally) I had in my life. But relapsed, and lately I've stuck in this constant loop of 2-3 days abstaining, then my mind switching itself to auto-pilot mode and before I know, I would do the same mistake.

This time, I want to take the plunge again and complete 90 Day again. I've tasted the sublime form that I was in when I was abstaining. Want to get back on track again and make my future self proud of me :)

Day 0:
Starting this journal for daily notes. Wishing myself and all of you people out there, All the best and Do not Lose Hope. Do not lose your focus on the end objective - to be the best version of ourselves and help ourselves as well as others to grow in life.

Peace. :emoji_v:
 
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Do you want to live successfully only for 90 days or the rest of your life?
 
AED said:
Do you want to live successfully only for 90 days or the rest of your life?
Click to expand...
Hi AED,

I do want to live for the rest of my life. But I'm not telling that I'll do this ONLY for 90 days. This is just a start for my recovery. I hope you get it
 
Day 1:

Was not feeling well, hence did not get a chance to update here. No thoughts or anything whatsoever, maybe due to my bad health. Still recovering
 
Day 0:

Relapsed just now. Was getting better on my health, and my brain suddenly sensed this opportunity and I went with the flow.
Mood: not well, feel bad, tiredness
 
i wish you sucess, but the problem with deadline .. is when the deadline is gone what's happen ?
why don't you try today i want to live something else . but just today another experience another sound to ear another people to meet just something else
and tomorow maybie never exist
 
followtherabbit said:
i wish you sucess, but the problem with deadline .. is when the deadline is gone what's happen ?
why don't you try today i want to live something else . but just today another experience another sound to ear another people to meet just something else
and tomorow maybie never exist
Click to expand...
I get your point here. As @AED also pointed out earlier, I might have to give up the days count and just continue to abstain for more than 90 days. Thanks for the comment!
 
i've the same problem and i'm not absolute with counting.. maybie its good to start to count but only short period of time like maybie 45 day
because our goal is to do another thing to do something else not to fight against something all the time .. you deserve some peacefull moment too
 
Day 0, Again:

Got a free day, and had thought of working on my stuff for longtime. While I was working for 2-3 hours, the sudden urge came back over me. It was overwhelming. Tried fighting it, but in the end I wasted my chance again.

Need to chin up and get back on track. I'm feeling really bad when documenting this record here. Whoever watches this (including myself), if you are in that situation where your mind "suggests" you to do it just once, DON'T. JUST GET THE HELL AWAY FROM IT.
 
followtherabbit said:
because our goal is to do another thing to do something else not to fight against something all the time .. you deserve some peacefull moment too
Click to expand...
Exactly....it takes the stress away. We are so performance oriented all the time!
I just think the focus is is in the wrong place if we are constantly concerned with a deadline or if we think we "failed" because of a relapse. We did not fail if we relapse! Stumbling and falling is part of life. We make mistakes every day and the sooner we accept this the better. When we fall we get back up and keep trying, learning something new every time, even if we stumble and fall 1000 times!
 
rp007 said:
Day 0, Again:

Got a free day, and had thought of working on my stuff for longtime. While I was working for 2-3 hours, the sudden urge came back over me. It was overwhelming. Tried fighting it, but in the end I wasted my chance again.

Need to chin up and get back on track. I'm feeling really bad when documenting this record here. Whoever watches this (including myself), if you are in that situation where your mind "suggests" you to do it just once, DON'T. JUST GET THE HELL AWAY FROM IT.
Click to expand...

Hi rp007 how did you feel now ?

don't worry for your relapse no shame, if you have time to watch this, thats pure gold:

if you don't go straight to porn try to watch witch step your follow to go this. watch the loop
look at the circuit you are strengthening before.
 
followtherabbit said:
Hi rp007 how did you feel now ?

don't worry for your relapse no shame, if you have time to watch this, thats pure gold:

if you don't go straight to porn try to watch witch step your follow to go this. watch the loop
look at the circuit you are strengthening before.
Click to expand...
Hi @followtherabbit - I'm feeling a bit better now since i completed my first day. Had urges to go back, but stopped on time and let it pass through.

Will check out the video now. Thanks for recommending!
 
Day 2:

Slightly lower urges than usual, which is a good sign. Feeling a bit more happy, more content. Hopeful to continue this journey.
 
nice to read this. now i like to see myself trough emotion, emotion its really the moment truth and it really worked because it's the first time I cut this addiction for more than a year and a half (in fact the second time, but the other time i did it in force). as ajhan brahm say the only you can do when depression or sadness or joy is coming is to welcome it as the best you can (its not really what is say but i interpret it like that :)).

in any case good day, and for my part I wish myself not to procrastinate all day ;)
 
Hi rp,
don't feel guilty for relapsing. If you've done something for several YEARS it's not easy to change the habit. It's human nature. We're animals after all. However, make sure to always learn on mistakes(relapses)!
I'm fighting right next to you, wish you all best.
 
Day 0, Again:

Relapsed today. Unbearable urge to do it.
Will get back up and continue the journey. WIsh me luck!

Edit: Some notable cues I want to point out that i've noticed while relapsing:
1) Half Awake / Ready for Sleeping
2) Being Alone
3) Free Time
4) Mobile usage

Will try and limit my mobile usage at bed before sleeping, since I tend to relapse just then.
 
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rp007 said:
Day 0, Again:

Relapsed today. Unbearable urge to do it.
Will get back up and continue the journey. WIsh me luck!

Edit: Some notable cues I want to point out that i've noticed while relapsing:
1) Half Awake / Ready for Sleeping
2) Being Alone
3) Free Time
4) Mobile usage

Will try and limit my mobile usage at bed before sleeping, since I tend to relapse just then.
Click to expand...

ok this are the external trigger (except the sleepiness) .. sleepiness <- half awake <- hypnotic state (ok we have a clue)
another tips:
1) internal discourse
2) emotional state (relate to be alone) how did you feel.
The internal speech is very important because that's where you consolidate your habit.
that's where you start to rewrite.
for example "I'd like to see the two blondes on video", yeah but last time I just wasted time and it didn't match what I found (i don't want to spend so many time) .
or you can consider that this thought you don't need to feed it and that you just got the best you can get. it's just ideas but i rewire this pattern like that.
on my side I was doing what I called the bridge between before the relapse and after.
the feedback loop is vital ok "i did that and what did i learn" .
 
followtherabbit said:
ok this are the external trigger (except the sleepiness) .. sleepiness <- half awake <- hypnotic state (ok we have a clue)
another tips:
1) internal discourse
2) emotional state (relate to be alone) how did you feel.
The internal speech is very important because that's where you consolidate your habit.
that's where you start to rewrite.
for example "I'd like to see the two blondes on video", yeah but last time I just wasted time and it didn't match what I found (i don't want to spend so many time) .
or you can consider that this thought you don't need to feed it and that you just got the best you can get. it's just ideas but i rewire this pattern like that.
on my side I was doing what I called the bridge between before the relapse and after.
the feedback loop is vital ok "i did that and what did i learn" .
Click to expand...
This is really good advice. I'll try to follow this up to see what else I can discover about myself and this addiction. Thank you for this post.

- RP
 
Day 0:

Relapsed today. Again, same cause, I had free time and mobile and no one in my house today. I don't know why I cannot be with myself alone without any external distractions, which further leads me down the path of relapse.

Maybe one way to incorporate internal discussion is with meditation, which I've never tried before. That being said, I will now try as much as I can to not meet this deadly combination of traits I have put up earlier.

Any suggestions on how to improve time spending with oneself without distractions? Appreciate your feedback.

- RP
 
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