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90 Days and Counting

Discussion in 'Success Stories' started by Davindey2, Jan 23, 2019.

  1. Davindey2

    Davindey2 New Fapstronaut

    Hey all. Want to share my story in case anyone else has gone through anything similar & hope it can give someone who reads it hope.

    I’m in my late 20s. Started experimenting with porn as an early teen. I’d say I have a good 15 years of thinking I need the dopamine that porn gave me.

    It all started because I was an awkward, lonely 12-13 year old. I either played video games or PMO’d for fun. It was that simple.

    I didn’t know what I was into then. From 13-17 I downloaded every kind of porn you can probably think of. Everything. I didn’t care. Favorites were various straight categories and transwoman. But I feel like I tried most everything that was out there always looking for a new high. Some of the shit was definitely illegal, and I regret ever looking at it on a weekly basis. I try to shrug it off and tell myself I was just a kid then. I intentionally found my mom’s vibrator, tried her underwear on, and experimented with other odd, embarrassing fetishes in that time frame. I can say with confidence that these were the lowest points of my life.

    Junior-Senior year of high school was a turning point for me socially. I wouldn’t consider myself “cool,” but I started to party more, hooked up with girls for the first time, and gained self-confidence. Despite this I still needed the feeing PMO gave me. In fact I discovered that PMOing when either drunk or high was even more fun than it was sober.

    I started college. Same shit. I had friends, I went out, I PMOd. But college is when my taste became more defined. transwomen. Constant fantasies about them. I’d go maybe a couple of weeks PMOing to something else, but I would always come back to the transwomen. It’s just something about them. How they look like girls, but they have this secret. I couldn’t shake it. College lasted 5 years, and I was probably sober from transwomen for a maximum of 6 months (while still PMOing to other genres) within that time frame. I bought toys to experiment with anal stimulation. I threw them out after not many uses because I would be so disgusted with myself after using them. I started a long distance relationship during that time. She had no idea, and the only way I think it really affected our relationship was sexually. I struggled to keep an erection lots of times because I had tuned my brain specifically for a certain type of sex (transwomen). But she was innocent and great and didn’t love me any less for occasionally disappointing in bed.

    I graduated college. I moved in with this girl. For nearly a year I struggled with the same fantasies that had haunted me throughout my entire adult life. I never acted on these by paying for escorts or live cam girls, but I can’t say I didn’t consider it or fantasize about doing it.

    She would go to sleep before me. I’d stay up, watch a video on my phone, PMO in the bathroom then crawl in bed with her. I’d shower, MO to my usual fantasies, then come out like nothing happened. I would go on a road trip and PMO while driving. I even bought another toy to use for a week while she was out of town (threw that one out eventually after using and being disgusted with myself). That’s how low I continued to stoop to get that fix I felt like I needed. Ultimately I didn’t pay her much sexual attention because I was still getting my fix from where I was used to getting it.

    November 2018 I discovered nofap, and I’ve never been happier. A whole community of people who have struggled with similar issues to my own. It was the first place that really convinced me that in order to kick my transwoman habit, I need to kick PMO all together. Once I made that decision I haven’t looked back, and I don’t ever plan to. I have had nightmares about relapses that turn into wet dreams. The relief I feel after waking up and realizing I didn’t actually relapse, and that it was all a dream is a big motivator to stay sober. Despite that, the biggest motivator is my girlfriend whom I still live with, and our sexual lives have never been better since I started. It doesn’t happen daily, but it happens enough to keep us both happy.

    I’m over 90 days sober now, and I can imagine going back. That’s not a typo. I can imagine going back to what I used to do, and it is not the kind of life I want to live. I’m done with that. That’s not to say every day has not been without urges, but every day the urges fade a little more.

    Let’s fucking do this, guys! Fuck porn, we don’t need that shit! We deserve to be proud of ourselves for resisting!

    Anyone who has recently relapsed: I’ve been there countless times. Hope to never be there again. There will be a relapse for all of us that will be our last. We can fucking do this!!!!
  2. WretchedBoy

    WretchedBoy Fapstronaut

    Hey Davindey2, thank you for sharing, bro. That´s a tough story but man did you rock it. Be proud of yourself, you´ve earned it.
    nutcase likes this.
  3. thanks for sharing fella , keep going strong , inspiring story
    Srisurya likes this.
  4. pp7711

    pp7711 Fapstronaut

    Well done, a very honest post.

    Getting to 90 days is an important time frame.

    Your post is very honest. Being honest with yourself is a key factor in beating pmo. Time is a great healer of mistakes and having a positive mindset about the future is crucial.

    One day at a time...always
    control your life likes this.
  5. Retentionman

    Retentionman Fapstronaut

  6. DarkWarrior98

    DarkWarrior98 Fapstronaut

    Nice Man! Im proud of you, you have made such a progress with your brain and in your relationship, keep doing it like that! My best wishes
  7. Walk_it_out

    Walk_it_out Fapstronaut

    Thanks for sharing bro glad to here about your progress and recovery.. I can relate to a bunch of your story. Good to see you walking in more freedom and I hope it continues on for you .keep pressing on!
    pp7711 likes this.
  8. SirErnest

    SirErnest Fapstronaut
    NoFap Defender

    Thanks man. This helps.
    And well done!!
  9. bigboibez

    bigboibez Fapstronaut

    Congrats man and I can relate.

    I'm 21 and I know I have a PMO addiction.
    I've relapsed countless times but I've managed lots of week plus streaks and overall cut down a lot on PMO. now it's time to kick it to the curb completely. Currently day 8 but I'm muscling through the urges. I also have a girlfriend who I am not interested in sexually because of PMO.

    I just know that if I don't get rid of this now it's likely I'll never have the motivation to talk to a girl i like, have a family or a fulfilling life.

    I remember when I was younger having so many euphoric moments just about the weather or going on holiday. Life seemed exciting and not dull.

    Now life seems like a daily grind. Although there are things i like and I'm doing well, those euphoric moments dont happen anymore. Thats what i want back. That fire to pursue women and genuine enjoyment in life. Day 8.

    Cheers and good luck bro
  10. ottisgone

    ottisgone Fapstronaut

    I needed to hear that. Your struggle and success inspire me.
  11. Perfetto_iN_2743

    Perfetto_iN_2743 Fapstronaut

    You had a girlfriend and she was a fulcrum that encouraged you to keep going. But what to do if in front of the girls I get insecure
  12. afro99

    afro99 New Fapstronaut

  13. bb@793

    [email protected] Fapstronaut


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