90 Days - Changes never imagined

Discussion in 'Success Stories' started by thel00ker, Oct 26, 2017.

  1. thel00ker

    thel00ker Fapstronaut

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    Well, I've reached 90 days, for the first time in my life I have been porn-free for 3 months.
    I apologize in advance for the long post, but it's about how my mind and values changed thanks to the reboot. Maybe some of you can relate and be inspired to follow the same path. It's worth it.
    I think that there are tons of things that helped me get here many of those were explained here:
    https://www.nofap.com/forum/index.p...d-the-improvements-so-far-ed-progress.130334/

    But the main thing were the countless reboots and relapses I had before attempting this one. With each relapse I was shown the seriousness of the circumstances and I started to truly understand how I replaced each anxiety and problem from my life with porn. Porn was a magic pill that I took each time something hurt or bothered me, and I have to admit, in that moment it felt great, but each time I finished PMO'ing I felt destroyed, reality hit me in the face each time this happened, each time harder that the previous one. I had to do something.

    I thought that in order to fix my life I had to attack and fix every problem that was bothering me and I did. I made a list with certain goals, started working on my body, on making new good friends, on studying hard and working hard. I became confident with my own body and personality and this got me closer to amazing people which today I can call good friends.

    Even though I had straightened out a lot and was actually happy about most things in my life there was something missing. I lacked connection, intimate connection with someone else, a partner with whom I could just relax and watch tv, talk, laugh and even have dark or sad moments. That was my goal.

    I thought this kind of connection with someone else was impossible. I remember going out with couples and thinking, "i'm years away from this" "I'll never find someone like this", even "why would anyone consider going out with me". Even though I had a lot of confidence in many things about my life, relationships was the subject I knew I would fail again and again, forever. I didn't have enough experience, I didn't have anything to offer, I didn't actually like anyone, I didn't feel attracted to anyone sexually. I was just numb to the idea that I could share intimacy with someone else, ever.

    I felt stressed and anxious all day long, thoughts filling my head like a storm. My life was filled with problems I couldn't fix and porn was in the middle holding everything together. Deadlines, objectives, conflict, failure.

    Before the reboot it was all about sex. My mind was crowded with thoughts all day long.."should I masturbate??" "Is that girl hot?" "Is that guy hot?" "I have nothing to offer". "I'm horny" "I feel nothing" "I should be doing this" "I failed to do that" etc etc (very tiring chain of thoughts)
    All of this accompanied by a total lack of attraction towards anyone. I was completely blocked, emotionally and physically. My head was very active, with very sexual thoughts that turned me on, but nothing real turned me on. Maybe I saw some guy or girl that took my head towards a porn scene, and then turned me on, but nothing was directly affecting me.
    Porn was my only sexual release, my only connection with other people sexually (skype) and my only place for intimacy. Every real, intimate thing that happened in my life, happened through a computer. And this of course made me feel like shit. This didn't belonged with the person I wanted to be and I was very ashamed by it. So a new reboot started.

    From day 1 onwards I just observed my thoughts and didn't expect anything. I just let my head heal on its own. On the meantime I used every tip and trick learned on nofap to avoid falling back into porn and slowly but surely I started seeing changes. Most of them I cover them on my 60 day post but the main one was to feel clarity, a brain fog lifting. The heavy thoughts dissapearing. I could see all my anxiety producing thoughts and problems, lined up one next to the other. They were easy to understand and didn't cause as much anxiety as before.

    I started feeling comfortable with who I was, with my body, my personality, my abilities, my achievements and failures. My life started being "ok", no more pressure to achieve this or that, no more extreme deadlines that would cause anxiety. I just started living and most importantly enjoying.
    I started having a lot of fun when I went out with friends (No more tiring thoughts when I went out) social anxiety faded, I was just there to enjoy the night with friends and that was it. No more "you should hit on some girl" "are you having fun??" "your friends are hitting on girls, what about you??".
    These obligations that I had in my head disappeared and in the end I started getting close to a lot of people that I wouldn't have otherwise due to being scared of failure to make contact or fear of rejection. I started to really have fun with friends, like never before in my entire life.

    My preconceptions about sex, relationships in general, changed. Sex became secondary, a part of a good relationship but certainly not the core of it. I attribute this change specially to hanging out with good healthy couples. Just hanging out with them proved me the importance of sharing life with someone else. Life gets amplified.

    I also realized that I didn't need to make an effort to attract people, just being myself and being proud and passionate about the things I loved will attract equally passionate people with whom I have amazingly fun times sharing and enjoying the world we live in. I don't need to be a certain way to attract people, I already am that way.

    As the days kept going, I felt closer and more connected with everyone around me. I felt more in tune with society in general. I was more aware of my defects, but excited about improving myself. I stopped identifying myself with the "porn addict' secret label that I always carried and this was very liberating. I was just like everybody else and had the same chances to improve and have a good, valuable life. The porn issue was already dealt with, now it was the time to improve on everything else.

    I really felt like my mind was clear, without preconceptions, without extreme objectives, I was here to enjoy life and live it passionately. I did everything with as much enthusiasm and effort as I could. Study, work, friends, body. No pressure to achieve, just the idea of enjoying each thing and making the most of it.

    In the middle of all of this, my cousin introduced me to a girl. On our first date we went go to a museum, walk through the city, smoke a joint on the park, eat something and then went out for a beer. I had never felt so relaxed with someone else. Of course anxiety creeped out on me eventually and made me question everything about her. But throughout all these days, the most important thing that I learned was to trust my gut, relax and enjoy. And that's what I'm doing right now.
    Through these last 3 weeks, I saw this girl almost every day, I think about her continuously, we hang out, watch tv, eat stuff together, laugh and I even cried about some stuff. I just enjoy hugging her in bed, waking up next to her, hearing her laugh at my stupid jokes. I don't know if it's love or what, but I'm just letting it be and enjoying every part of it. Going through every difficult and good part of this relationship is more exciting that all the porn in the world. It feels fantastic.

    I thought that all of this was just luck, coincidence. But I'm sure I couldn't have got here with porn on my back and in my head. I never believed in the "superpowers" of Nofap people. But NoFap helped see a bigger picture here, an important change in my mindset. I'm seeing a life ready to be enjoyed and I'm very excited about going through it. There is just no space for porn.

    If 90 days ago you would have told me I would have all this today...I would have said it was simply impossible. It's not.

    I really hope everyone can overcome this addiction, at least for some good time. Enough to let them see what's above the clouds. The sun is shining brighter than ever and once you see it going back to the dark will feel unnatural, fake and tiresome.

    Nothing beats the real thing.

    This is just a small piece of a huge process but maybe it helps someone.
    Thanks guys for all the support as usual, @TheSpaniardDude @MrGeonov I trust and admire you guys, thanks for every kind and useful words you said. I'm sure amazing days are coming.
     
  2. PedroCalrissian

    PedroCalrissian Fapstronaut

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    Wow your a really good writer and your story was quite inspiring!
     
  3. TheFlash123

    TheFlash123 Fapstronaut

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    Very mainspring story so far. !!!

    Congrats for 3 months of free PMO life.
     
  4. H3althys3x

    H3althys3x Fapstronaut

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    Congratulations on your success! Keep it going!
     
    Safarkiller, Enid, j_pwc_bat and 2 others like this.
  5. thel00ker

    thel00ker Fapstronaut

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  6. Teejmaster

    Teejmaster Fapstronaut

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    Awesome story man and congrats! Did you have sex or orgasm at all on your journey?
     
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  7. pcmaster

    pcmaster Fapstronaut

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    Amazing that you started to socialise in real life. Opposite to addiction is connection. It seems like you are kind of person who is motivated most by relationships. In future you should learn to keep that motivation even when alone, cause there might and will be times when you feel lonely. Its important to keep going at all times. Not just in nofap but in life in general.
     
  8. thel00ker

    thel00ker Fapstronaut

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    Thanks man! Yes I did, I'm having sex with this girl I'm dating. It did come with lots of anxiety, especially performance anxiety that caused ED.
    Thanks to talking to her, meditation and even some therapy I was able to overcome it in few weeks.
    I also masturbated during the reboot, I took a different aproach about it, I talk about that on my 60 day post. maybe you'll find it interesting.
    Good luck! and thanks for the support!
     
  9. Aloha

    Aloha Fapstronaut

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    Too inspiring, awesome, keep going brother, God bless you
     
    Safarkiller likes this.
  10. thel00ker

    thel00ker Fapstronaut

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    That's a very interesting insight! I will surely try to pay attention on those times.. and even though I did spent a lot of time alone during my life it's true that being isolated brings back a lot of porn related thoughts. Thanks for the advice!
     
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  11. thel00ker

    thel00ker Fapstronaut

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    thanks! glad it helped :emoji_ok_hand:
     
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  12. simba97

    simba97 Fapstronaut

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    Absolutely amazing !!! Well done man I'm very happy for you :)
     
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  13. hoping to quit

    hoping to quit Fapstronaut

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    Good job man looking forward to reach 90 days
     
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  14. Congratulations Thel00ker! Thank you for sharing this inspiring story! You helped me a lot!
     
    Safarkiller likes this.
  15. thel00ker

    thel00ker Fapstronaut

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    Thank you simba!
     
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  16. thel00ker

    thel00ker Fapstronaut

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    You can do it man! just focus on having a busy everyday life that you're proud of and porn will lose its power over you! good luck!
     
    Safarkiller and hoping to quit like this.
  17. thel00ker

    thel00ker Fapstronaut

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    I'm glad I could help! thanks for the support!
     
    Safarkiller likes this.
  18. Caveat Emptor

    Caveat Emptor Distinguished Fapstronaut

    This is so true. I've never thought of it that way, but its totally on point. Congrats @thel00ker.

    Second this! I don't know your romantic history, @thel00ker, and I don't know what your future holds, but I get the impression that this is your first serious romance. I had my first serious romance during my first long streak. I'm being kind of a downer here, (and who knows; this girl may be the one for you), but after a relationship like this, people are very vulnerable to those bad habits. That's how I got sucked back into this. PMO shows no mercy to the vulnerable. I wish you all the best, and I'm very happy for your success. I just want you to be prepared for anything negative that might come out of this. Meditation helps a lot with that prep. But like you said, the ups and downs of a relationship are far better than any porn. "Its better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all." Enjoy every moment of it, good and bad.

    Cheers, and thank you for sharing.
     
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  19. Troels. L

    Troels. L Fapstronaut

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    Amazing, some would even say you are fully rebooted :)
     
  20. Robbiebob

    Robbiebob Fapstronaut

    Love your story & what you achieved... That's amazing and fantastic... Keep it up... You're story is a inspiration to us all...
     

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