90 Days - Changes never imagined

Deleted Account · Dec 2, 2017

thel00ker said: ↑

Well, I've reached 90 days, for the first time in my life I have been porn-free for 3 months.
I apologize in advance for the long post, but it's about how my mind and values changed thanks to the reboot. Maybe some of you can relate and be inspired to follow the same path. It's worth it.
I think that there are tons of things that helped me get here many of those were explained here:
https://www.nofap.com/forum/index.p...d-the-improvements-so-far-ed-progress.130334/

But the main thing were the countless reboots and relapses I had before attempting this one. With each relapse I was shown the seriousness of the circumstances and I started to truly understand how I replaced each anxiety and problem from my life with porn. Porn was a magic pill that I took each time something hurt or bothered me, and I have to admit, in that moment it felt great, but each time I finished PMO'ing I felt destroyed, reality hit me in the face each time this happened, each time harder that the previous one. I had to do something.

I thought that in order to fix my life I had to attack and fix every problem that was bothering me and I did. I made a list with certain goals, started working on my body, on making new good friends, on studying hard and working hard. I became confident with my own body and personality and this got me closer to amazing people which today I can call good friends.

Even though I had straightened out a lot and was actually happy about most things in my life there was something missing. I lacked connection, intimate connection with someone else, a partner with whom I could just relax and watch tv, talk, laugh and even have dark or sad moments. That was my goal.

I thought this kind of connection with someone else was impossible. I remember going out with couples and thinking, "i'm years away from this" "I'll never find someone like this", even "why would anyone consider going out with me". Even though I had a lot of confidence in many things about my life, relationships was the subject I knew I would fail again and again, forever. I didn't have enough experience, I didn't have anything to offer, I didn't actually like anyone, I didn't feel attracted to anyone sexually. I was just numb to the idea that I could share intimacy with someone else, ever.

I felt stressed and anxious all day long, thoughts filling my head like a storm. My life was filled with problems I couldn't fix and porn was in the middle holding everything together. Deadlines, objectives, conflict, failure.

Before the reboot it was all about sex. My mind was crowded with thoughts all day long.."should I masturbate??" "Is that girl hot?" "Is that guy hot?" "I have nothing to offer". "I'm horny" "I feel nothing" "I should be doing this" "I failed to do that" etc etc (very tiring chain of thoughts)
All of this accompanied by a total lack of attraction towards anyone. I was completely blocked, emotionally and physically. My head was very active, with very sexual thoughts that turned me on, but nothing real turned me on. Maybe I saw some guy or girl that took my head towards a porn scene, and then turned me on, but nothing was directly affecting me.
Porn was my only sexual release, my only connection with other people sexually (skype) and my only place for intimacy. Every real, intimate thing that happened in my life, happened through a computer. And this of course made me feel like shit. This didn't belonged with the person I wanted to be and I was very ashamed by it. So a new reboot started.

From day 1 onwards I just observed my thoughts and didn't expect anything. I just let my head heal on its own. On the meantime I used every tip and trick learned on nofap to avoid falling back into porn and slowly but surely I started seeing changes. Most of them I cover them on my 60 day post but the main one was to feel clarity, a brain fog lifting. The heavy thoughts dissapearing. I could see all my anxiety producing thoughts and problems, lined up one next to the other. They were easy to understand and didn't cause as much anxiety as before.

I started feeling comfortable with who I was, with my body, my personality, my abilities, my achievements and failures. My life started being "ok", no more pressure to achieve this or that, no more extreme deadlines that would cause anxiety. I just started living and most importantly enjoying.
I started having a lot of fun when I went out with friends (No more tiring thoughts when I went out) social anxiety faded, I was just there to enjoy the night with friends and that was it. No more "you should hit on some girl" "are you having fun??" "your friends are hitting on girls, what about you??".
These obligations that I had in my head disappeared and in the end I started getting close to a lot of people that I wouldn't have otherwise due to being scared of failure to make contact or fear of rejection. I started to really have fun with friends, like never before in my entire life.

My preconceptions about sex, relationships in general, changed. Sex became secondary, a part of a good relationship but certainly not the core of it. I attribute this change specially to hanging out with good healthy couples. Just hanging out with them proved me the importance of sharing life with someone else. Life gets amplified.

I also realized that I didn't need to make an effort to attract people, just being myself and being proud and passionate about the things I loved will attract equally passionate people with whom I have amazingly fun times sharing and enjoying the world we live in. I don't need to be a certain way to attract people, I already am that way.

As the days kept going, I felt closer and more connected with everyone around me. I felt more in tune with society in general. I was more aware of my defects, but excited about improving myself. I stopped identifying myself with the "porn addict' secret label that I always carried and this was very liberating. I was just like everybody else and had the same chances to improve and have a good, valuable life. The porn issue was already dealt with, now it was the time to improve on everything else.

I really felt like my mind was clear, without preconceptions, without extreme objectives, I was here to enjoy life and live it passionately. I did everything with as much enthusiasm and effort as I could. Study, work, friends, body. No pressure to achieve, just the idea of enjoying each thing and making the most of it.

In the middle of all of this, my cousin introduced me to a girl. On our first date we went go to a museum, walk through the city, smoke a joint on the park, eat something and then went out for a beer. I had never felt so relaxed with someone else. Of course anxiety creeped out on me eventually and made me question everything about her. But throughout all these days, the most important thing that I learned was to trust my gut, relax and enjoy. And that's what I'm doing right now.
Through these last 3 weeks, I saw this girl almost every day, I think about her continuously, we hang out, watch tv, eat stuff together, laugh and I even cried about some stuff. I just enjoy hugging her in bed, waking up next to her, hearing her laugh at my stupid jokes. I don't know if it's love or what, but I'm just letting it be and enjoying every part of it. Going through every difficult and good part of this relationship is more exciting that all the porn in the world. It feels fantastic.

I thought that all of this was just luck, coincidence. But I'm sure I couldn't have got here with porn on my back and in my head. I never believed in the "superpowers" of Nofap people. But NoFap helped see a bigger picture here, an important change in my mindset. I'm seeing a life ready to be enjoyed and I'm very excited about going through it. There is just no space for porn.

If 90 days ago you would have told me I would have all this today...I would have said it was simply impossible. It's not.

I really hope everyone can overcome this addiction, at least for some good time. Enough to let them see what's above the clouds. The sun is shining brighter than ever and once you see it going back to the dark will feel unnatural, fake and tiresome.

Nothing beats the real thing.

This is just a small piece of a huge process but maybe it helps someone.
Thanks guys for all the support as usual, @TheSpaniardDude @MrGeonov I trust and admire you guys, thanks for every kind and useful words you said. I'm sure amazing days are coming.
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Awesome story!!! Hope the best for you!!!

Anurag12 · Dec 3, 2017

This same is with me, This is my first reboot and I am on day 74 of nofap hardmode. And guess I got success and no relapse. My girlfriend offered me for sex as we usually do, but since I am having reboot I told her that I am not ready to have sex just because it will spoil my reboot.
My goal is to reach 90 days and then I will further carry this streak to 120 days and so on.
Its not a magic bullet but its all abouy perception and will power, what we see in porn is not reality even female pornstar report how they are being treated during bdsm like porn clips, its bad, females are not really sexual object, they need to be loved. Sex is not everything in life.
Good Luck to Everyone.

thel00ker · Dec 3, 2017

Anurag12 said: ↑

This same is with me, This is my first reboot and I am on day 74 of nofap hardmode. And guess I got success and no relapse. My girlfriend offered me for sex as we usually do, but since I am having reboot I told her that I am not ready to have sex just because it will spoil my reboot.
My goal is to reach 90 days and then I will further carry this streak to 120 days and so on.
Its not a magic bullet but its all abouy perception and will power, what we see in porn is not reality even female pornstar report how they are being treated during bdsm like porn clips, its bad, females are not really sexual object, they need to be loved. Sex is not everything in life.
Good Luck to Everyone.
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Hey man, I think the whole point of the reboot is to get back to healthy relationships, that includes having sex with someone you like.
I think having sex with your girlfriend will actually benefit your reboot. It is up to you though!
Congratulations on reaching 100+ days!!
good luck!

Anurag12 · Dec 3, 2017

thel00ker said: ↑

Hey man, I think the whole point of the reboot is to get back to healthy relationships, that includes having sex with someone you like.
I think having sex with your girlfriend will actually benefit your reboot. It is up to you though!
Congratulations on reaching 100+ days!!
good luck!
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No, its not any kind of sex during reboot is prohibited, because of neuroplasticity occurring inside your brain, you will not be benefited. At least no sex until initial recovery.

Kurenai · Dec 4, 2017

Anurag12 said: ↑

No, its not any kind of sex during reboot is prohibited, because of neuroplasticity occurring inside your brain, you will not be benefited. At least no sex until initial recovery.
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actually, from what I get from ybop, having sex in real life with real people, making connections, helps the brain to rewire the reward system on a natural path, avoiding the path built by porn.
But every one of us has to chose his own path, so if you think that sex is going to slow you down, avoid it.

thel00ker · Dec 4, 2017

Anurag12 said: ↑

No, its not any kind of sex during reboot is prohibited, because of neuroplasticity occurring inside your brain, you will not be benefited. At least no sex until initial recovery.
Click to expand...

Kurenai said: ↑

actually, from what I get from ybop, having sex in real life with real people, making connections, helps the brain to rewire the reward system on a natural path, avoiding the path built by porn.
But every one of us has to chose his own path, so if you think that sex is going to slow you down, avoid it.
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I agree with @Kurenai! but it's up to you to choose your own path!

Anurag12 · Dec 4, 2017

It depends on your own way of dealing with it, but on nofap many people thought they without watching porn and doing masturbation will improve their life but it did not, then they came to know that they need to stop sex as well. Let me tell you sex is also a addiction, sex should also be in limitation, if your nofap journey is directly or indirectly related to women and sex then I am sorry you will always be addict. You need to start learning true beauty of women and also their behavior but that doesn't mean you stop sex but motive should not revolves around sex only, I also want to have sex with my gf as she is damn hot and sexy but it should be in moderation. You can choose your own path or way.
Thanks Keep posting your progress.

Patillitas · Dec 10, 2017

@thel00ker really thanks to share your story, many people are in the start line where you was time ago; and we only dream to reach goals like you reached. It story inspire us and motivate us to follow, don't give up and think and believe strongly that our dream life is possible. We only need discipline, motivation and believe. Thanks again!
See what's above the clouds. The sun is shining brighter than ever and once you see it going back to the dark will feel unnatural, fake and tiresome. Good `phrase.

challengerstreak · Dec 10, 2017

very inspiring

thel00ker · Dec 11, 2017

Patillitas said: ↑

@thel00ker really thanks to share your story, many people are in the start line where you was time ago; and we only dream to reach goals like you reached. It story inspire us and motivate us to follow, don't give up and think and believe strongly that our dream life is possible. We only need discipline, motivation and believe. Thanks again!
See what's above the clouds. The sun is shining brighter than ever and once you see it going back to the dark will feel unnatural, fake and tiresome. Good `phrase.
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Thank you for those kind words, I'm sure you'll be able to reach your goal with dedication and passion for your life.
good luck man! I wish you the best.

challengerstreak said: ↑

very inspiring
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thank's! glad you liked it

Rey Rey · Dec 11, 2017

It was really a nice read more of what we all should aim for. I do hope we make it there. Thankyou for sharing your experience it was a blessing I believe to me and all who read it

SwedishViking · Dec 11, 2017

Extremely inspiring! Keep it up

thel00ker · Dec 12, 2017

Rey Rey said: ↑

It was really a nice read more of what we all should aim for. I do hope we make it there. Thankyou for sharing your experience it was a blessing I believe to me and all who read it
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SwedishViking said: ↑

Extremely inspiring! Keep it up
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Thanks guys! you will get there the fight is completely worth it!

PornFreeMe · Dec 12, 2017

Inspiring. I hope to attain this too one day. I can definitely relate to feeling out of place in social situations. Hopefully in time that'll fade and I'll just live in the moment. Thanks for your post, it gives me confidence.

thel00ker · Dec 12, 2017

PornFreeMe said: ↑

Inspiring. I hope to attain this too one day. I can definitely relate to feeling out of place in social situations. Hopefully in time that'll fade and I'll just live in the moment. Thanks for your post, it gives me confidence.
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39 days is a great streak! keep focusing on finding healthy stuff to do and good relationships. you'll find your way faster than what you think.
wish you the best man! good luck!

..Anna.. · Dec 16, 2017

Are you taken now or I have a chance?

Hola1234 · Dec 16, 2017

Una historia realmente asombrosa voy a tu lado amigo a ese mismo objetivo. Felicitaciones

Saber_tooth7 · Dec 18, 2017

Your journey emits a very positive light, that is truly heartening... Best wishes to you and your partner!!

thel00ker · Dec 18, 2017

..Anna.. said: ↑

Are you taken now or I have a chance?
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I'm officially taken! I think I've been very lucky to find this girl at this point in life. I'm learning a lot about what having a relationship truly means. It's beautiful and challenging at the same time.
Thanks for the offer though!

Hola1234 said: ↑

Una historia realmente asombrosa voy a tu lado amigo a ese mismo objetivo. Felicitaciones
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Muchas gracias! 34 días es mucho tiempo para este desafío!, seguí concentrándose en mejorar tu vida y llena tu entorno de gente que te caiga bien. vas a poder hacerlo seguro!
te deseo lo mejor y gracias por el comentario en español!

Saber_tooth7 said: ↑

Your journey emits a very positive light, that is truly heartening... Best wishes to you and your partner!!
Click to expand...

I'm glad you enjoyed it! Thank you! the relationship it's getting stronger and I'm learning tons from it. I'm very happy about how things are going

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thel00ker · Dec 18, 2017

Hey nofap people!
I've been thinking a lot about what to write next. I'm very thoughtful about how nofap has affected me 60 days after I wrote this. But I'm about to finish university so I'm very busy with finals. The moment I finish I'll come back and make another post to talk about how my life kept changing.
I'm very thankful about the positive response this post got and i'm always motivated by all of you. I always got very good advice from this community and it's the main reason I made it this far so thank you! I wish you all the best and talk to you soon!

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