90 Days Complete // 10y+ addict, lost my virginity, MASSIVE withdrawals and insecurities // Advices?

S

Seamless122

Fapstronaut
Hey guys so i've decided to finally write this even if i really felt like not doing it in the hopes i could have some advice from people that have gone past this phase of reebot and maybe help others too.

A bit of background on myself, i'm 19, and have been consuming porn content ever since i was little. It got worse when i was in puberty and used to PMO a few times a day, some days even more. At the age of 12-13 i realised something was wrong and i came across NoFap and thats where my journey started. I relentlessly tried to keep my streaks at first but barely made it 1 day, but i kept going. I slowly but surely was improving the length of my streaks, and was able to now keep 2 weeks, after which i'd relapse. With strong will and determination i made it to 200 days last year, although it was really not 200 days AT ALL because i fantasized a lot and felt like shit, had a lot of breakdowns and felt a lot of things then. Nonetheless, this has happened in the past 4 years and it was only now, in quarantine, that i slipped and lost myself again.

I met this girl that i really really wanted things to work with and i decided that when we meet i HAD to be the best version of myself and wanted to be different, and so i kept at it and finally made it..................the 90 day reboot.

I do not want to bore you guys with my story cause i know that what you want is the benefits and what it feels like to have successfully rebooted for 90 days without any fantasizing or stuff.

-I lost my virginity, which i thought i wouldnt do any soon, i thought of myself as a loser and that i fcked up all my life because of this stupid addiction that i couldnt overcome.

-Sex is SO much different than porn
-A LOT of your fetishes go away once you feel what the real deal is about and you are somewhat clean
-A LOT of wet dreams, i just had one last night for NO particular reason and the dream wasnt even sexual, like, i dont even remember anything happen i just came in my sleep.... there were times in my past longest streaks when i would dream of myself on some porn sites and browsing through categories to find the perfect videos and then i'd watch them and O, so yeah, it was that bad

-Honestly, i think that i am more confident in certain scenarios and have realized a lot of things since this reboot

-MASSIVE, and i mean MASSIVE withdrawals....... especially now when im dealing with love stuff and relationships and dating.... i suffer a lot and i feel like my life is just complete garbage, like i do nothing all day (even if i do, and i go out quite a lot), i feel SUPER depressed some days like today, i feel like the girl i just went on a first date with last night, i will never see again or she is not into me, i feel SO insecure so many times of the day, i feel like i will never find the love and the relationship i've seeking all these 4 years,i feel like a loser ......................to sum it up guys, i havent felt this BAD in a lot of time,

BUT
even if i feel the way i feel
I WOULD STILL NEVER NEVER NEVER EVER GO BACK TO MY HABITS
just because of that

This is a big milestone for me but can someone more experienced give me some advice and help me cope with how i feel?
I think it is normal to feel like this because of rebooting, but what i need right now i a lot of reassurance. I still have visions of the life i want to have and have been for the past 4 years, and im not giving up.. its just a very tough period of my life.

Thanks in advance and good luck to you all, and if ever in doubt, if i did it, you can too!
Stay safe
 
All I can tell you is that P causes brain damage. So there is literally zero reason to return to your old way of life.

You should resolve your anxiety with other means, like heavy lifting and martial arts. I've had great success with supplements, like Ashwaghanda.

Let's have some 90+ day vets chime in.
 
Brother, I know I am new on this journey but I hope my views can still be helpful. NoFap isn't itself a cure all for your life's ills. PMO causes damage but it ALSO covers up other issues in our lives. I can only speak for myself but I know that I used PMO to escape from troubles in my life that cause me stress, anxiety, fear etc. Once I get through with NoFap, those troubles will STILL be there and I will have to face them, this time without my normal strategy of PMOing them away.

You have taken PMO out of your life, what have you replaced it with? Do those replacements support you in being a stronger person capable of taking on negative feelings? You are in a period of great opportunity for yourself where you get to redefine what it means to be you, take advantage of this. You were strong enough to get to where you are now, you're strong enough to keep going into this unexplored territory. I hope this helps.
 
Last edited:
Hi Seamless122. You heard this before but maybe meditation could help. Investigate a little and give it a try, at least in my experience is helping me to feel less depressive, i recommend Osho's books or any master you want. But most important is to do it and try to practice, i recommend breathing meditation, focusing on your sense of breathing being aware of it. Also try to start a new project, buy an instrument, learn something new, writing your toughts, any kind of activity that allows you to express all of it. My tought is that doesn't matter what you do on the surface, but what is happening inside, that is what could make you feel full or empty. Meditation leads you to feel full all the time. Like a hapiness in the inner being. It's all about understanding that life is like that. Is constantly changing, you can't control almost anything, but yourself. The way you think, the way you relate to the world around you, the way you connect with people, all that is an expression of how you feel about yourself, and the best way is to look inside and persist until you really discover something. I think it going to be harder, because theres no order, life is like that.

I'm mexican so sorry if my grammar it's not good. I hope you can get more understanding and capable to accept more and more.

Take care, bro.
 
Hi Seamless122,

I totally agree with SeaChange and MedL. Especially with MedL on the part
[...]It's all about understanding that life is like that. Is constantly changing[...]
Click to expand...
. At first, this may look a bit bleak since one has much less influence on life than one would like to have.
BUT (and I hope that this gives you some additional hope) : The puberty for a human tends to fully end at 25-ish years. Only then the frontal cortex is fully online. You still are in phase of your life where your brain adapts to its surroundings and changes its neuronal circuits, in short, your brain still has high plasticity. The more you kick in now, the easier it will become later on. Keep on reflecting on yourself (and also, a bit on others), keep on making clear to yourself what you want to achieve, visualize it, and work on it. Keep on going!
I am 31 now, and I sincerly wish that I would have understood the effects of porn earlier (on my brain, but also, much more important, on my social life, on my interactions with others - this is the real damage that addiction causes), so that I could have started changing myself earlier. So you don't give up! You will be thanking yourself later. :)

Some additional food for thoughts: Addiction can be seen in a very different manner than the usual "reliance on a substance". Rather than being "addicted", one bonds with other people (primarily, but also animals) - or, worst case, a substance.
There are two TED-talks on that topic, by Johann Hari, which I highly recommend to everyone reading this.
1. Everything you think you know about addiction is wrong
and
2. This could by why you are depressed or anxious
Hari discusses addiction and presents an alternative approach to viewing addiction, which he also underlies reasonably.
 
Last edited:
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top