90 Days Free of Pornography and Masturbation

As the title states, I, as a 42 year old man, have accomplished a full 90 days of abstaining from pornography and masturbation. This was my first official go-round with NoFap, but I have wanted to and tried to stop this behavior since I became a Christian in 1993. I have been married for 20 years, so my lovely wife and I have continued with normal sexual relations approximately 2-3 times per week. For those struggling to get through the first month, week, or even the first day of their reboot, please know that I am writing this entry with you in mind.
I will not give you my entire story, as some of that can be found in my journal and my introductory thread. But I wanted to tell you a few things (in list form) that I would tell myself if I could go back to age 19 when I first tried to stop PMO. You might find them helpful.

1. Stop making excuses.
2. Stop wanting it to be easy.
3. Start having a brutally honest conversation with God, and that includes listening.
4. Stop blaming others for your behavior.
5. Start doing whatever is necessary to rid yourself of all triggers.
6. Stop with the self-loathing, you know you're only making your problem worse.
7. Start looking for an accountability partner.
8. Stop thinking that NoFap will resolve every problem in your life.
9. Stop giving up. Pick yourself back up and try again.

My Results:
1. I'm a lot less angry. (My wife told me this)
2. I'm more patient. (She also told me this)
3. I'm no longer motivated by fear and depression.
4. Although I feel tempted at times, it's a lot easier to immediately get my mind on something healthy.
5. I'm not a sex god in bed, but my wife and I agree that this is the closest and most intimate we've felt towards one another ever. In short, sex is better. But not because I'm trying to measure up to someone on an LCD screen, or trying to last some exorbitant amount of time, but because my wife feels loved and connected with me, and not just when we're making love.
6. My wife trusts me. (Once again, from her mouth to my ears)
7. My children (17, 15, 12, 10, and 6 months) have noticed a positive difference.
8. My relationship with God is better than it's ever been. Without all the guilt and shame fogging up my spiritual lens, I feel free to pray and believe boldly.

With that said, I want to first and foremost thank my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ, who has given me the grace to overcome. And I want to thank all of you great people on NoFap who have encouraged me and given me advice over the past few months. I appreciate you more than you know. Never give up!

 

Thank you for your prayers, @ImASinnerWhoJesusSaved! They are appreciated!

 

I have often heard that the definition of depression is 'anger turned inward'. For a very long time, I loathed myself. I hated myself because I couldn't overcome PMO and really felt like I was the only one who struggled like I did. I didn't try to be an angry person, I just was. I was angry at myself, and I took it out on everyone else, many times I wasn't even aware that I was doing this. Now, I don't carry the shame and self-loathing, and I guess I'm generally a more pleasant person to be around.

 

Well, I was very upfront and honest with her about my commitment to stop PM. At the time I began the reboot, I wasn't using P very often, but I was M-ing quite a bit. All I can say is that she noticed a change over the first month. My attitude was different, and I wanted to just be with her, and not only when it would lead up to sexual activity. Being able to listen and be available to her emotionally was huge. She didn't trust me because she thought I always had my mind on sex, which was true at the time. We've been reading a book together called 'Intimacy Ignited', which is based on the Song of Solomon, and that book has challenged us both to communicate with one another. The one thing I would say is that you need to be present. You need to be in the moment, not in your fantasy world, when you are with your SO. I hope that helps! Let me know how your reboot goes!