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90 days --- nofap is awesome

Discussion in 'Success Stories' started by Ketherlonk, Jan 10, 2022.

  1. Ketherlonk

    Ketherlonk Fapstronaut

    I just successfully completed 90 days of no PM thanks to nofap. I have been addicted to PM for approximately 28 years, and had never abstained for more than 30 days (and that, only once, like 10 years ago). I do not consider myself "cured" from this addiction, and may never be. But I seem to have found a PM-free lifestyle that works and is sustainable, and I will continue it, as I want to be PM free for the rest of my life. My life has changed a lot in 90 days, and for the better.

    Here's how I was before:

    - PMO'ing at least once every 1-2 days
    - Completely powerless over sexual urges and triggers
    - Having constant feelings of sadness, guilt, shame that would never leave me
    - Couldn't remember the last time I laughed
    - Feeling unattracted to my wife, being annoyed when she was around
    - Not having much sex/intimacy with my wife
    - Always looking over my shoulder, hoping I wouldn't get caught (did it at work many times)
    - Out-of-control lust stirred up by PM led me to engage in risky behaviors like stalking, trying to take pictures of people, looking up P on public computers, etc.
    - Worried about whether I cleared my search history, whether I would get a computer virus from P sites
    - Being mean to my kids, yelling a lot
    - Low self-esteem
    - Always wanting to be alone, yet feeling lonely
    - No physical activity, little interest in reading
    - Eating junk food regularly
    - No energy to do things (work, chores, hobbies)
    - Always feeling that my behavior contradicts my values and my faith
    - Crappy prayer life

    Here's how my life is now:

    - No PM in 90 days
    - Urges are still there, but much more manageable
    - Feelings of lightness, laughter, joy
    - Much more sexual interest in my wife, better emotional connection with her
    - Far more frequent sex/intimacy with my wife
    - No more looking over my shoulder
    - No more risky behavior at work or elsewhere
    - Better relationship with my kids, less yelling, less annoyed by their behavior
    - Feeling proud of my self-discipline, better self-esteem
    - Feeling more comfortable around others
    - Started weightlifting 3x/week and I love it
    - Eating junk food very rarely
    - Been reading much more: deep literature, philosophy, theology. Slowly getting to a point where I am more interested in books than TV
    - More energy to do chores and work
    - My faith has increased, and I feel my integrity restored
    - Regular prayer life

    How I did it / what worked for me:

    - Daily reading/journaling on nofap! What really started my recovery and sustains it.
    - Have an accountability partner on nofap
    - Have Covenant Eyes installed on my computer
    - Internet completely blocked on my iPhone/iPad (screen time, random password I forgot!!)
    - Password on other devices (controlled by my wife)
    - I don't use social media (no FB, IG, Twitter, whatever else is out there)
    - Only use YT for very specific purposes: faith-based videos, sometimes exercise videos (though I have to be very careful with those)
    - Watch Netflix etc. much more rarely, usually with wife and/or family. If I watch something alone in the evening, it is in our bedroom (wife is there) on my CE-monitored computer
    - Regular exercise that I enjoy
    - I won't lie: having more sex with my wife! It's a positive cycle: being PM free made me desire her more, which made her more horny, which led to more sex with her, which made me more sexually satisfied and less wanting to get a sex high outside our relationship.
    - As my emotions got more under control through PM freedom, I started sharing my emotions more with her. Before I would just bottle up my stress and fap it away (and it would just come back an hour later). Now I tell her about my worries, anxieties, etc. and we work them out together. Better emotional connection also leads to better sexual connection and vice versa.
    - Absorbing uplifting content every day! Faith-based videos/reading, uplifting music
    - Minimize reading of depressing content (i.e. news)
    - Reminding myself of the terrible consequences of porn use by reading SO journals on this site (truly heart-breaking but very helpful)
    - Educating myself on the science of porn addiction (e.g. awesome videos by Dr. Trish Leigh)
    - Last but not least, praying to God every day. When I let my prayer life slip, everything gets automatically harder (urges harder to manage, more stress, less energy, etc.)

    I think that's about it! Thanks nofap for this awesome platform that has truly changed my life for the better.

    EDIT: Two other nofap things I used that particularly helped me:
    - I joined the 90-day challenge
    - I use the day counter: concrete marker of my progress
    It may sound silly, but all the "likes" I receive on posts are really motivating to me. Positive reinforcement works well for me I guess.
     
    Last edited: Jan 11, 2022
  2. Keep going , were u addicted to pmo for 28 years wow
     
    Huskerjim and Ketherlonk like this.
  3. MrBlue201

    MrBlue201 Fapstronaut
    NoFap Defender

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    Wish I was in your shoes, I will be one day soon. Keep going, you have a lot of potential in your life to sieze and to use to be the best Man you can be. Thx for sharing.
     
    Ketherlonk likes this.
  4. Long Range

    Long Range Fapstronaut

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    Great post Ketherlonk!! Keep up the great work. I like how you mention that intimacy with your wife is improving, that's so important and something that I hope to achieve through nofap
     
    Huskerjim and Ketherlonk like this.
  5. ronkumar

    ronkumar Fapstronaut

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    What your age and from which country you belong to ?
    feel amazed by reading your post.
     
    Ketherlonk likes this.
  6. Ketherlonk

    Ketherlonk Fapstronaut

    39 yo, from Canada.
     
    Huskerjim likes this.
  7. stanza88

    stanza88 Fapstronaut

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    You had the strength to stop before the addiction would destroy your life, marriage, job and so on. Unfortunately i haven't been able to do so, just because i was unaware of it, i knew something was wrong but it never had a name. It destroyed my relationship and my future.
    Now i'm using my pain, disappointment , anger against it and i don't see any other solution than succeed at my first try. No second chance to myself, because the life didn't gave me any.
    I wish you all the best and if you will feel weak in the future think about this post and how you have to avoid that it takes everything from you, because it does
     
    Long Range and Ketherlonk like this.
  8. Ketherlonk

    Ketherlonk Fapstronaut

    Thanks for sharing this brother. Your post really struck me. I know I would have gone down the same path if I hadn't found nofap by the grace of God. "I don't see any other solution than succeed at my first try" --- that really struck me and I feel the same way. Another hard truth I am learning slowly is that "recovery doesn't happen to those who need it, but to those who want it". All the best in your own journey --- there is a new and better life waiting for all of us if we are willing to work for it.
     
    ronkumar, again and stanza88 like this.
  9. ImFuture

    ImFuture Fapstronaut

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    Thanks for sharing and congratulations!

    So strong of you to recognize behaviours like yelling or being annoyed all the time.

    Keep going!
     
    Ketherlonk likes this.
  10. neversaynever

    neversaynever Fapstronaut

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    Just a question: So you think some people are less sexually evolved that they fall into such behaviour such as jerking off at work? Like you are sexually undeveloped to be able to regulate the urge.
     
    Ketherlonk likes this.
  11. Hey @MrBlue201, let's go get 90 days. See you there.
     
    Ketherlonk likes this.
  12. Hard truth.

    Thanks for saying it.
     
    Ketherlonk likes this.
  13. Ketherlonk

    Ketherlonk Fapstronaut

    I'm not sure what you mean by sexually evolved or developed... I think PMO addiction is like any other addiction, and that when left unchecked, it progressively gets worse and can lead one to risky behaviors. For me the risky behavior was PM'ing at work, for others it could be prostitutes, illegal porn, etc. Why is PM the thing I latched onto, as opposed to alcohol, drugs, ...? I don't know and I guess I never will. But I'm not sure it matters in the end --- what matters is that there is a way for me to stop and become a better and happier person :)
     
  14. Bliss@123

    Bliss@123 New Fapstronaut

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    Good keep it up
     
    Ketherlonk likes this.
  15. Malcolm_X

    Malcolm_X Fapstronaut

    Started yesterday on yet an another nofap journey, and you inspired the hell out of me:). Blocking IG is the biggest step I've taken now, for 80% of all triggers for me comes from that soft-porn app.
     
    Huskerjim and Ketherlonk like this.
  16. Ketherlonk

    Ketherlonk Fapstronaut

    Awesome man. Yep, social media is a gateway drug for me. It's an excuse that invariably leads to porn. There is no way for me to use it safely (and thankfully my job/friendships don't require me to use it). All the best in your new journey.
     
    Malcolm_X likes this.
  17. ronkumar

    ronkumar Fapstronaut

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    So is it your first No PMO attempt and that to successful, If it is that's commendable ?
     
    Ketherlonk likes this.
  18. Ketherlonk

    Ketherlonk Fapstronaut

    No, I have tried stopping PM for many years, nothing ever worked. Until I found nofap, which seems to work! (I allow O's, but with my wife only.)
     
  19. ronkumar

    ronkumar Fapstronaut

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    Well I am happy for your journey till here and wishes best for your future. I just want your thoughts on some of my questions.
    1)don't you feel any regret that you found nofap so late while being addicted so long, despite being living in this internet information age we have ?
    Asking you this question because I remember when my addiction was at peak level back then 2012 I remembered something wrong with me. I search it on YT at that time 'masturbation addiction' I didn't found any thing except some guys speaking about MB(Yes I remembered vividly).I regret to this date that 'why didn't I found that famous ted talk of gary wilson video' (may be YT algorithm fault)however I found out it in 2016.And also all this sites Nofap,YBOP,YBR were not on boom at that time(i.e. 2012,2013,2014,2015).
    Just want to know how you overcome the pain of regret ?
     
    Ketherlonk likes this.
  20. Ketherlonk

    Ketherlonk Fapstronaut

    That's a great question. I do feel regret that I found nofap so late. I tried many things: filters, accountability software, prayer, 12-step meetings. Why is nofap working and these didn't work? I don't know. I think the fact that I am older helps in my recovery, actually. When I was younger, I always thought I could put off stopping ("I'm still young, I can stop later".) Now I have a real job, a wife, kids. I came to realize that nothing in my life would make me change unless I decided to change. So maybe I wasn't going to change until I got older (although I believe you can change at any age!). I think the special thing about nofap is that it helps me connect with others in an easy way (it's anonymous). In 12-step meetings I rarely talked with the other guys (I'm an introvert).

    But that regret is nothing compared to the peace and the joy I feel now. So I rarely think about it. In fact, it didn't really occur to me until I read your message. I (hopefully) still have many years in front of me. Also, I am a Christian, so I believe in life after death. My greatest joy comes from the fact that I am now able to live a morally upright life (at least without PMO, I am not perfect of course) and I hope to be with God forever after this life ends.
     
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