90 Days of Hard Mode Done - Honest Review

I have recently passed the 90 days mark. 90 days of hard mode; no porn, no masturbation, no orgasm. That was my first try and I had very difficult moments.
Yet deeply centered, I managed to find a way every time. Here I will try my best to share with you what I have achieved, some tips which can help you throughout your journey and what not to expect. My approach is kinda different, you'll see a new perspective.

First off; I must say that for at least 5 years I have no desire for money, character development, power, social influence or daily pleasures. My only ''desire'' is to find truth.
That meaninglessness and lose of interest in all things boosted the importance of PMO in my life. Because I was lazy and PMO was so easy, that was the only way to keep living with this immense sense of suffering. I have achieved all I wanted for all my life, and never lied about anything. So if I wanted something, there was nothing there to stop me. I used to M twice a day. I was feeling that if my energy level was high, I'll be dangerous. So I constantly deplated my energy by PMO'ing. I always knew that PMO was preventing my spiritual growth, but I wasn't ready to quit it. Therefore I never tried. About 3 months ago I discovered NoFap, and I knew that was the time.
So I started.

WHAT HAS CHANGED?

Sense of Meaninglessness and Emptiness Vanished Completely.

This was the crescendo of NoFap for me. Before NoFap, every single moment I felt empty. There was no meaning, not at all. Nowhere. Just like ancient Greek Sisyphus, I was kept on going with no purpose at all. I remembered what I've experienced with meditation, but I could not feel it.

After NoFap, not a single moment I felt empty nor meaningless. My meditative state has come back, I felt it was really easy to slip into meditation. I found meaning everywhere, in every little thing.

More Sincere with People

Yes. I was a social person but eventually I got tired of it and become a cold one. After NoFap, every time I smile at people I can feel that my whole body is smiling. I still am not trying to be social, but when I am I can see my same pain inside them. Therefore I become more loving, feeling compassion all the time.

Willpower Maximized

After NoFap, I feel like I can do anything. This is the most it can go, my body-mind became so disciplined (not the way of hard discipline but the discipline which comes from inside) that I feel like no urge or desire can take over my will.

This may be hard to believe for most of you but in the process I quit:

Alcohol
Weed
Cigarettes
Using a phone
Using social media
Eating meat
Eating any junk food and refined sugar

Increased Drive

My drive for life was almost at zero. PMO was the only thing which kept me living. Now I have found purpose (Re-found it).

Piercing Attention

My attention is now so sharp, that many people said that I listen so carefully that they feel the need to be picky when they are selecting their words. I hardly get bored, and my attention is hardly getting disturbed.

Falling in Love...

For 7 years I could not feel any sparkle of love. After Nofap... After all those years I fall in love. I felt just like a child, innocent. I saw (in myself) the innocence which cannot be defiled. It was just like I could sense a very subtle level of life. I craved for that feeling for years. Yet one has to be careful with it. This is another topic.

TIPS THAT CAN HELP YOU:

Start Small

I started with 7 days challenge. When I finished it I said: ''Fuck, I could do 7 days more and finish the 14 days challenge.'' Then one more week to achieve 21 and so on.
If we think about this process too much with our mind, it will do nothing but create more doubt and more problems. So start without planning and live with the journey. Do not let the mind interfere with it.

Beware of ''Chaser Effect''

You start by seeing something from a movie. Then you seek another types of stuff. Then in a couple of minutes you are searching for porn. This chain grows so subtly, so confidentially that one needs to cut it before it begins.
Just be aware that chain has started, and cut it with sharp awareness.

Sharpen Your Awareness

This is important. These so-called ''urges'' can only emerge when you are not aware of them. So practice meditation, mindfulness. With time you will see that your thoughts which are creating the urges are losing their power. For me it was ''be aware or be horny'' all the time.

Cold Showers

The effect of cold showers are immense, especially at the beginning. Whenever you feel your urges are overwhelming you, go take a cold shower. It will make your body to remember its primitive nature, and weaken the effect your corrupted thoughts over your body. It will make your more rooted, more centered. You will become hard to disturb. The energy flow through your genitals will change direction.

Commitment is Key

Do remember your drive. I, in my life never broke promises. Not the promises I gave to people but more importantly the ones I gave to myself. Therefore when I started
this journey, I knew that PMO was not an option. Never. So whatever happens, stay committed to your promise.

Mind Will Use All of Its Tricks

By progressing further, your mind will use more tricks to get you PMO'd. Doubt will arise, and you will not find anything valuable to go on. Please be very careful! That doubt could be very very strong, that you can go PMO before realising what happened. Stay centered. See your thoughts, urges. Let them pass by, remember your purpose.

Be Honest as Fuck

Know that whenever you lie, whenever you deceive, you are deceiving yourself. There is no one else to deceive. If you see the idea behind this honesty I'm talking about, you will be so united; that your decisions will pierce everything that comes on the way. Accept that these ''urges'' are not separate from yourself, they are only because you make them so. You are the one who is responsable, nothing else. Accept this with your whole being and these so-called ''urges'' will lose all their power to manipulate you.

Seek Something Greater

By the very day you started NoFap, seek for something greater. It could be anything, any greater purpose of life. Reproduction is the very first level of expressing energy, it can be transformed on many levels. It could be expressed as creativity, prayer, love, meditation and so on. If you do not open a new gate for this energy to go out, it will eventually come to its usual gate. Which is PMO.
If you want to keep going with your journey, you must find a better purpose.


NOTES:

- Regarding women, I noticed some increase of their interest in me but I was always good with women so I can't say much about that. I had some very clear proposals of having sex, but I gently refused. My purpose was clear.
- Shit is still there, it won't pass. Only I became way more aware, and cannot be controlled.

WHAT WILL I DO NOW?

First of all, I quit porn for good. I will never watch it again, I realised how much its unnatural and how it affects me.
I'm going to 120 days of hard mode now. After that is complete, I don't think I'll M no more than once in a month. I'm good with this new lifestyle.

I still have much to tell, but I think this is enough for now. I hope this guide is helpful for you, a lot of you inspired me on this journey. Please ask if you have any questions.

Stay centered.

TLDR;

You can just read the headlines.

 

Thank you all for your comments, it was hard for me to put together all this so I'm glad that you find it helpful.

I too enjoy calling a spade a fucking spade, but I guess it does not matter after all. It is only a side product. What I deeply mean by honesty is being honest with oneself, and seeing that you're responsible for all of your actions. Still, I see your point and I understand.

Regarding the quote ''I have achieved all I wanted for all my life'', I was raised as a spoiled child and got everything what I wanted. And at my adolescense too. Women, high grades, money, socially loved and accepted, good looking body... It made me realise that tranquility does not come with getting all you wanted. I somehow got thrown out of the wheel. I'm 25 now, I do study and I do work at the same time; but for the sake of anonimity I care not to share. Thank you for the comment!

 

Thank you! And congratulations on your 60 days achievement.

In terms of the benefits I have mentioned in the post, I can't say there is much of a difference between 60 days and 90 days. But, I need to mention something quite more important. As I go challenge by challenge, I stop when I finish one and consider if I should go into another. When I finished 30 days challange, I had a hard time deciding; but when I finished 60 days, I jumped right into 90 days for I was so happy with the results.

Between days 45 and 70 (approximately) there have been not much of a difference. But around day 70, I had the hardest times of my journey because of the things I experienced in my life. With hard times, comes the urge to PMO. I fought it and when I was over it, I felt way stronger than before; quite more aware. So this is the most important thing I can mention, as one goes through hard times one becomes stronger. And I guess that leveling up never ends. Aside from that, around day 90 I realised that the projection of ourselves who finished the challenge is nothing but a lie, that projection never becomes real. Tomorrow never comes, it is always today. So I started expect less about future (regarding NoFap changes) and focus more on the now, which I'm capable of changing.

 

I've been thinking about what you've said. And yes, you are right. Not that it is hard to control M'ing once a month, but the idea of M is unnecessary. I can live without M. About sex, I already had a healty sex life, that was not my reason to start NoFap. Now, since I find the concept of sex without love meaningless; I will not force myself to have sex. But there is no need to M neither, for I have found a deeper meaning in life. Thanks a lot for your advice!