Discussion in 'Success Stories' started by Wade W. Wilson, May 1, 2018.

  1. Wade W. Wilson

    Wade W. Wilson Fapstronaut

    Wow 90 days, it is unbelievable. I've never gone so long without PM, I definitely never thought I would make it this far. I've had few DDays in the past and I always tried to do recovery on my own, and that was a big mistake. This time around I decided to seek help. My wife, who already told me that she is done, and that she is only going to stay for time being until our eldest daughter goes to high school and that we would just be living like roommates. She sent me a link to this forum with a message "do what you want with this". She never thought I would do anything with it, I had my doubts about it too. I thought she was 'gone' anyway, so what's the point.

    Well, I decided to check out the forum and something changed. People reached out to me and started giving me advice. Everyone was very helpful and supportive, one of the best advice I got was to talk to my wife, and we've been talking every night for 3 months and it has really helped us reconnect. I think what really opened my eyes was the Help Her Heal video series, these videos really describe what the SO's go through, of course I know I would never know the real pain my wife went through, but the description was so vivid it really made me empathize. After that we talked about her pain, it took a while till she started to open up, but she did and it helped both of us. I think talking was the best thing we ever did, our connection and intimacy are like it's never been before.

    About a month into my recovery, I decided to give my wife my full disclosure and I thought that would be the final nail in the coffin, so to speak. What I told her was one of the worse things I could've done and I did not know how she would react, I told her that I cheated on her and I thought it would be the end of everything. However, because we've been talking and I was being honest with her she listened and took it better then I thought. The following week she had a lot of questions about what I've done, and even though I didn't want to think or talk about it, I knew I had to and answered the best as I could. After FD our connection and intimacy got even better, it was like a huge weight was lifted.

    Coincidently, our anniversary and my 90 days free of PM fell on the same day. I wanted to do something while ago, but two months ago she told me not to even think or try to plan anything. She took off her rings, and that's was big for her because things like that always matter to her and if she took them off that means she doesn't feel anything. A month ago, when I saw that and felt that we are in the different place and the feeling was mutual I asked her if she doesn't mind if I would plan something because 90 days and our anniversary on the same day, she told me that it's ok and I can plan something. A week before the big day we couldn't wait for it to come already, we were both excited and had butterflies in our stomachs. When it finally came it was amazing and just so special. We went out for dinner and it was ogle free because in the past all the special dates and dinners were ruined for her because of me ogling, when we came home we exchanged presents and letters that we wrote for each other. Later that night when kids were in bed we read each other's letters. In that letter she told me that because of all my changes and because of all my actions she is ready to forgive me, I thought to myself that it is too soon and do I really deserve it, but it felt so overwhelming. After I finished her letter I asked her if she would consider putting her rings back on, and again I kinda did think it might be too soon, but after reading that she considers to forgive me I decided to take a chance, and she said yes. I went to our little safe, where she had put them away, and put it back on her finger. I felt like I am proposing all over again.

    This 90-day journey was difficult and bumpy, I learned a lot about myself and I learned a lot about my wife. I learned about the pain and suffering I caused with my actions, I learned that simply talking and being honest I could've avoided so much problem, who knew oh wait my wife knew. I learned that besides my PM and lying problem, ogling is another one that I didn't even realize how bad it was. I didn't realize how bad it was until I got aware of it, and after that, I really have been trying to make sure I stop. I also got a very amazing wife because I can talk to her about and she is ok because she knows I am not trying to lie and I am trying to take control of my problems. The road to recovery is a bumpy road and not easy, I am very lucky to have a woman by my side that supports me and helps me on that journey, and in return, I want to help to heal. So far, we've been doing a good job helping each other and all she asks is, to be honest, and that's all I can do to make sure we continue to help each other. I've tasted this amazing intimacy, connection, and LOVE, I can really say that I really, really love her.

  2. Casey54

    Casey54 Fapstronaut

    Hey man, congrats on making it to 90 days, and sharing your story. It gives me energy to keep going. That’s great you seem to be on the right path with your wife again. Good luck with everything!
  3. myspirithurt

    myspirithurt Fapstronaut

    Thanks for sharing. I need good examples like this to provide hope and perspective.
    Last edited: May 2, 2018
    Wade W. Wilson likes this.
  4. Gideonite

    Gideonite Fapstronaut

    What an amazong story! Thank you for sharing it. I am glad that you and your wife are figuring it out and hopefully the destructive PMO cycle will be gone forever. Godspeed my friend.
    Wade W. Wilson likes this.
  5. Atrium_Guy

    Atrium_Guy Fapstronaut

    Unbelievable story!! Thank you for sharing!!
    Wade W. Wilson likes this.
  6. RomeMan

    RomeMan New Fapstronaut

    Hi Wade,

    Hope it’s still going well. I’m in a very similar situation to you. Just told my spouse and it’s been very difficult. Still early in my journey.

    Where did you find the Help Her Heal videos? Any suggestions on how to open the lines of communication if they are lacking? Thanks!
    Wade W. Wilson, Liakim and SirErnest like this.
  8. theoptimist

    theoptimist Fapstronaut

  9. lifewithoutpmo@1

    [email protected] Fapstronaut

    Thank you for your inspiration. My own journey is making me realize what’s most important, your family and true friends!

    Keep it going and let’s all continue to improve ourselves.
    Wade W. Wilson and Liakim like this.
  10. Monk Man

    Monk Man Fapstronaut

    first of all congrats brother, may you find the true light and prosper in life. i wanted to ask how your sexuality improved with time and how it is now??
    Wade W. Wilson likes this.
  11. Sefz33

    Sefz33 Fapstronaut

    Congrats on getting to 90 days. Keep it up! And its good to see forgiveness here. Love is the key.
    Wade W. Wilson likes this.
  12. fallendeva

    fallendeva New Fapstronaut

    Wow this is a great story I have decided today to stop. Hopefully I can be as successful as this story.
    Wade W. Wilson likes this.
  13. Wade W. Wilson

    Wade W. Wilson Fapstronaut

    Hey, thanks man. I know it's hard but you have to stick to it. there is a lot of helpful videos and podcasts out there. If you ever need to talk you can message me anytime, my work schedule is a bit hectic, but I will respond to you as soon as I can.

    Here are Help Her Heal videos,

    'Help Her Heal' two-part series | by Dr. Doug Weiss

    Part 1:

    Part 2:

    Also, go on YouTube and check out videos from The Betrayed, The Addict and The Expert. They also have a podcast and these guys are so amazing, the wife-betrayed, the husband-an addict and expert, and it's just really good to listen to all points on the topic, and they go over a lot of topics.

    Good luck man.
  14. Wade W. Wilson

    Wade W. Wilson Fapstronaut

    @RomeMan, disregard those links, I didn't know they don't work. I will try to look into it, but I'm not sure if I can find them again.

    Also about the communication, it's hard I know. Try talking to your wife, even if she doesn't talk, you talk, that's how it's started with me and my wife. You have to show her that you are being open and honest, it might take time. But check out The Betrayed, The Addict and The Expert, they also talk about communication and honesty.
    Butterfly1988 and Fallensoldier1 like this.
  15. Fallensoldier1

    Fallensoldier1 Fapstronaut

    Wow man! Awesome story! I am going through similar problems with my wife. I have not cheated on her but I have been watching P everyday in our marriage almost untill about 10 months ago.

    I don’t think it was the deciding factor in our marriage though. I mean I tried to stop 10 month ago, but we have now been separated for almost 3. But I know PMO did nothing good for my marriage, I know it did hurt it a lot.

    She has told me she was done and wanted out, and now the last month or so she has said she didn’t know. We actually talked a lot about our marriage a few weeks ago, and we talked some about my addiction and what I feel it did to me and us. Not totally in depth. But just that I did it, almost daily. And I used it to cope with problems. And she said she felt bad for holding out on me sexually so often.

    I’m not sure what will happen with my marriage, but I’m glad yours worked out that’s amazing!
    Butterfly1988 and Wade W. Wilson like this.
  16. Wade W. Wilson

    Wade W. Wilson Fapstronaut

    Thanks man, but my marriage is still a work in progress. There are still many things I need to work on and get better at, and there is much more healing my wife need to do. But, we are both working on it and most importantly we communicate, we talk to each other and that helps a lot.

    Continue talking to her, tell her to get on this page and find someone else to talk. Also, need to be careful there is some that might turn her against you, I don't know how your wife is, but my wife thinks for herself and she didn't do or follow so many things that some people suggested to her. My wife has a very open mind and she was willing to learn about addiction and what it does to a person, also what to do to fight it and how to fight it, everything like that. She had been a huge help in this recovery for me, I really not sure if I would've been where I am right now without her, and yet I am still not sure what will she decides in 2 years. All I know I have to work hard and show it to her, the same you need to do. Don't give up hope, work on yourself, most importantly you need to realize that you need to do this for yourself, you have to want to change. This is not just stopping PMO, but changing the whole lifestyle, you gotta have new routines, boundaries. I mentioned above about The Betrayed The Addict and The Expert, link below, but they are awesome and maybe you can watch it with your wife, there are point views for all angels. I watch it with my wife and then we talk about it, some we watch together and discuss it, some we watch on our own and talk about it and we see points that other might've missed. Here another good guy that helped me a lot and gave me a lot to think about it, his name JK Emizi, also link below, he is a former addict and now helping a lot of people.

    I wish you luck, keep talking to your wife, show her that you are honest and really working this time around, of course, you have to do the work, she will be able to tell, just like my wife is able to tell. If you have any question you can message me, I might not answer right away, but I will get back to it.

    The Betrayed The Addict and The Expert

    JK Emizi
    Butterfly1988 likes this.
  17. WBJ

    WBJ New Fapstronaut

    Fantastic story man! Congrats! I just started my 90 days today and guys, pray for me, I must not relapse!
  18. Wade W. Wilson

    Wade W. Wilson Fapstronaut

    Good luck man, but don't hang up on numbers of the days. Concentrate on your recovery work, self-improvement, change routine, there is more to recovery than just not PMing and not relapsing. Watch this video by JK Emezi Counting Days: Does It Work For PMO?, in this video he talks how people stress out about counting days and if they relapse they feel that they failed and might give up. So, don't worry about relapsing, don't try to relapse, but making mistakes and learning from them is a part of the process, most importantly concentrate on your self-improvement.

    Good luck man.

    Counting Days: Does It Work For PMO?
  19. Walk_it_out

    Walk_it_out Fapstronaut

    Touching testimony man really good..I hope it all continues well down this path of recovery you are on. Thanks for sharing
    Wade W. Wilson likes this.
  20. Wade W. Wilson

    Wade W. Wilson Fapstronaut

    Thanks man.
    Walk_it_out likes this.

Share This Page