90 days. Realizations so far

Discussion in 'Success Stories' started by JimmyParacas, Dec 26, 2014.

  1. JimmyParacas

    JimmyParacas Fapstronaut

    I have finally reached the so-coveted 90 day goal. Here are my thoughts on the matter.


    On the healing process
    Has the healing process finished? No. For me it has basically just started. It has just begun because I have so many other self-destructive patterns to handle that this one, porn, was just a small factor in the entire equation. Maybe that's what made it easy not to relapse, the fact that I was paying attention to so many other things, that at times I had completely forgotten today was the set date for the Big Goal.

    Did I really never relapse?
    That is true with a small sort-of exception which I will explain:

    After having started on normal mode for two weeks, I managed to get a one night stand with a girl acquaintance I had. I hated it. I hated her taste and her smell, I hated the feeling of emptyness in my stomach afterwards and I really hated the Chaser Effect. I think I sat the same day for the first time in my life on nofap.com (Instead of the reddit page) and that same day learned hard mode existed. It sounded like I needed to do it. I thought about it, hard mode sounded like the way to go. The next day I had a second one night stand with a second girl, she loved it, and I liked it but for some reason I realized hard mode was a necessity. After that day, september 25th, I never looked back.

    So if you count sex as a relapse, without knowing hard mode exists, and then sex one more time to finally make the choice that hard mode is the way to go, then yeah, I relapsed once before knowing hard mode existed, then once more when I hadn't made the decision to go hard.

    I don't think it should count though.

    Did 90 days do the trick for me and why?
    Hell no, it didn't do the trick for me. I don't feel that different. My life IS different though. I'm starting a job on January, and learning a new language. I have a slightly better relationship with my parents. I have a couple of constructive friendships, instead of a lotta destructive ones. I guess I feel somewhat less guilt.

    The problem is I had other addictions and I have a few personality disorders according to my doctors. So just because I don't have a plethora of superpowers, doesn't mean you won't when you're through. I do believe however, that for some of us, those most self-destructive of us, we have a slightly longer way to go than just 3 months. Maybe 4 or 5 free of addictions for a full reset to happen.

    Lifestyle changes are necessary, cannot stress this enough. We need to stop counting days (counter is there anyways) and focus on a grand scheme. Large changes for a different life, a different routine, different friends, different landscapes, different hang-out spots. Different everything.

    Any superpowers?
    Even though I don't feel different, some people tell me I look like an absolutely different person. They say I don't look so anxious and angry anymore. I pay attention to how I dress now. I'm not fit because I had an injury like a month after starting hard mode, so girls look, but they don't oggle me that much. I don't get the crazy eye contact many guys get, but I can easily imagine if I hadn't gotten injured and had spent the last 2 months at the boxing gym, how things would have gone. Me without belly and dressing nice could have been awesome.

    By the way, improving my relationship with my parents was number 1 priority when I started this. It happened. To an extent, but it did happen.

    WTF you didn't work out?!? The hell did you do with all the extra energy?
    I was diagnosed with an anxious-deppresive personality disorder (which is allegedly different from bipolar disorder, but still don't know how) by a psychologist. I'm taking medication for anxiety, depression, and for regulating sleep. Now, regarding orgasm and brain chemistry, orgasm is a natural sedative for the body. You produce this thing called betagammatic acid or something like that after orgasm. People who become addicted to sex are usually very anxious because they need the physical contact and the orgasm to calm down. So my suggestion is that if you can't handle the anxiety after going cold turkey, then get help. It is worth it.

    On my love life
    It sucks, but I'm working on it with a therapist. As americans put it I'm working on my trust issues.

    On telling your parents
    I told them. They didn't freak out. They just told me to help my brother with his own video game addiction. They didn't yell. They ardly budged. Although I do think it is a sensitive matter because they have never ever mentioned it since. I believe truth sets you free. And like my therapist told my parents: "No ammount of therapy or prayer can help someone as much as a small pat on the back or a word of support from his parents".

    I am a spiritually dedicated person, I believe all budhas and angels are there for people who always tell the truth. Even the atheist ones.

    On The Urge
    Urges come and go, but I think they went really down after week 2 or 3. They're not really a problem after that.

    On Headaches
    They go away after day 20. If anyone has gone past day 20 and continue to get those weird abstinence headaches, please reply to this.

    Edit:Mijereah reports headaches around days 45-50. This never happened to me so far down the road, but I do believe those headaches to be a part of the healing process. I explain my reasoning using a quote from a book down in the comments.

    On what I think about when not thinking about sex
    I'm going to say this assuming most of us here have a obsessive-compulsive disorder, which is what makes us addicted to things, not just to porn.

    People with OCD (are we popular now or what?) have an innate ability for perfectionism. We think things through over and over, we review the past, we reopen old wounds. Is there any way we can make that productive? Sure, if we

    • Learn a funky language: like french (so many silent letters) or oriental languages (Doumo Arigatou gozaimashita!). The amount of tiny rules you will have to learn in order to master japanese, chinese, french or german will make your OCD'd brain have a strawberry pijama party in your head while in class! You will hate it, but your brain will thank you for it :)!
    • Play an attention-intensive sport: Sports that require intense attention to detail and concentration, such as martial arts, surfing, or tennis (maybe, I haven't tried it personally) are strawberry flavored for your OCD'd brain. Feel free to add any sports to the list.
    • Write a book/keep a blog/draw pictures: Can't stop thinking about the past? Do something creative with it! Drawing and writing are difficult tasks, and your OCD'd brain will have a blast going all pesky on your hariy lines, and less-than-perfect phrases. Try to guess how many times I edited this post XD!
    • Reshape our bodies: Your OC brain hates your imperfection-filled body, doesn't it? Ok, maybe it doesn't care what you look like, but if it does, and you can't keep it from criticizing you (and you're not injured like me) Then just join a gym for the sake of bringing your body to its full potential. In reality, getting in awesome shape is not something you do for your body if you have OCD, it's for your mind and for your self esteem.
    • Zen Buddhism!: The whole Zen doctrine looks like it was made for OC people! The minimalism, the attention to order and detail, the discipline, the silent-mind thing... You will love it! Promise! Not trying to evangelize anyone though! XD just kidding though serious still...

    So what do I think about when not tinking about sex or NoFap? Basically, on getting my life in order. On my fears and preoccupations. My OC brain keeps talking shit about what my life could have been if I was not an addict. I just try to keep my brain busy on other stuff.

    On editing this post
    Is this it? No, I don't think it is, but I'll be editing this as soon as I think up more stuff in my 90 day anniversary and, of course, as the conversation gets flowing.

    Merry Christmas to you all
    Last edited: Dec 28, 2014
  2. Jamest007Bond

    Jamest007Bond Fapstronaut

    Very inspirational sir, Congrats on the life changes and learning and improving yourself.
    I hope to stand tall on day 90 soon.
  3. Razielcreed

    Razielcreed Fapstronaut

    i suggest stop seeking doctors and get shit done yourself , i had depression before and isolation , i cured it just by 'Thinking'
    Congrats on your journey keep up
  4. Nein

    Nein Fapstronaut

    Congratulations on your streak bro! There was a lot of useful information here besides "I did it!" and I appreciate it. I definitely have some personalities myself, as well as some OCD. I grew up thinking OCD was flipping the light switch 6 times, or having to close the door 3 times, or whatever the fuck. It never occurred to me that patterns of unhealthy grief and self-debilitating depression over past events qualified as well. Do they? I don't know, but your tips on how to deal with OCD look promising and I will take them into account.
  5. mijereah

    mijereah Fapstronaut

  6. JimmyParacas

    JimmyParacas Fapstronaut

    If you cured it by just "thinking", then it wasn't what is clinically known as depression. Because what makes depression a clinical condition is that it can't be cured by thinking. Like a fractured leg bone from a skating fall can't be cured by thinking as well.

    Obsessive grieving over past events, particularly guilt related issues, are what usually configures an OCD disorder. Your brain becomes obsessive about your mistakes from the past, about your flaws and such. You become a perfectionist and start hating yourself for not fulfilling your own expectations.

    You should consider though, that my suggestions were just ways of draining your OCD or to get your OC brain to have fun, to use the obsessive characteristics of your persona to do some good to yourself. The best way to really deal with the matter is to get profesional help. Even if you consider just meditation as a solution, you should join a group of meditators who are more skilled than you and perhaps even professionally teaching the craft.

    I'd like to translate a quote from a German book on the relationship between mind and body, regarding headaches as a physical expression of sexual repression:

    "A Migraine is an orgasm in the head. The process is identical, only it takes place higher in the body. During the phase of sexual arousal the blood flows to the genital área and, during climax, tension recedes and relaxation is produced. So it happens with a migraine: blood rushed to the head, a sensation of pressure is produced which is a tension that reaches its peak (climax) until relaxation, that is dilation of the blood vessels, is produced.

    Any given stimuli may result in migraine: light, noise, air current, time, excitement. One aspect of migraines is that the patient, after the episode, experiences a transitory sensation of wellness. During the climax of the episode, the patient wants, needs to be in a dark room and in bed, except on his own.

    All of this aims towards a sexual theme, as is the fear of talking this matter with someone else in the proper circumstances. Already in 1934 E.Gutheil described, in a psychology magazine, the case of a patient whose episodes of migraine receded after experiencing sexual orgasm. Sometimes the patient requiered several orgasms before relaxation was produced and the episode ceased. Another ovservation is fitting; that amongst the secundary symptoms of the migraine exist digestive disorders and constipation: one clogs oneself "down below". One wishes to know nothing about the unkown content (excrement) and withdraws to the heights of thought, until one's head blows up. Certain marriages utilize migraines as a pretext to escape the possibility of a sexual interaction."
    Last edited: Dec 28, 2014

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