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A 40 years old gay guy's first day here...

Discussion in 'New to NoFap' started by hms74, Oct 8, 2014.

  1. hms74

    hms74 Fapstronaut

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    I don't know what to write. I just joined the forum which was in a book about quitting porn addiction. I am an exhib gay guy so I love to do camming, recording vids of myself while masturbating etc. And I love porn. All were ok until few months recently. I started to get very bored with porn and looked for more extreme things. Not just porn but random webcam chats, nasty stories. I don't want to go into details about the categories but it was a bit insane and sick. I am a gentle funny man in real life but the fantasies what turned me on while chatting about it were violent, and dark. This scared me a lot even though it turned me on but after the orgasm the guilt feeling was so strong. I started to feel I have 2 personalities. I didn't even think that this could be because of porn addiction. I still kind of hope that this is the real reason. So wish me strength and good luck :)

    Also I would like to chat with people who are going through the same. Hopefully it helps.
     
  2. hms74

    hms74 Fapstronaut

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    I am on day 3 only but today was the first hard day. I could resist to porn and jerking off, but I did end up on omegle a bit. I was dressed, didnt touch myself which was easy but I felt like I need this now or I go crazy.
     
  3. hms74

    hms74 Fapstronaut

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    today was the hardest so far. I really feel bad, depressed, no motivation. I even went to the gym but it was extremely hard to convince myself to go there and I felt so weak while doing weight lifting. It is only the 6th day without porn. I could still resist to porn and chats. Thank god my partner is around who is very understanding. He even said if I fall back and go to chatrooms I shouldnt worry, I just have to be honest about it. It will be a very hard to quit we both know.
     
  4. mjtx

    mjtx Fapstronaut

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    There is a page for when you're tempted:

    http://emergency.nofap.org/

    Good luck! Our circumstances are different but I know what it's like to struggle with temptation.
     
  5. hms74

    hms74 Fapstronaut

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    seems like quotes from the book... :)
     
  6. mjtx

    mjtx Fapstronaut

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    Some are, some are just inspirational photos, and some are threads on Reddit. Every time you click you get something different. :)
     
  7. Dad

    Dad Fapstronaut

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    Sounds like Internet porn to me. Lol.
     
  8. hms74

    hms74 Fapstronaut

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  9. hms74

    hms74 Fapstronaut

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    god damn it, I relapsed this morning. I woke up with a stupid dream. In the dream I was in a bathroom with 2 glass doors and I couldnt lock them. I wanted to jerk off in the bathroom but somebody always came in. So I was so angry. I woke up like that. And I just did it.
     
  10. IGY

    IGY Guest

    I can empathise with this. But I infer from this that no porn was involved, which is good. I hope the urge to do it again is something you can control.
     
  11. hms74

    hms74 Fapstronaut

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    well yes unfortunately there was a porn, but this time a very old one. A simple handjob. So at least nothing extreme. But I must say I felt the different between the old masturbation and the one happened today. I haven't masturbated for 13-14 days (I did have sex with my boyfriend 2-3 times though). My dick felt very hard and I didn't last very long this morning. So yes, this gives me strength to keep going with quitting porn addiction (even though this might sound strange). My cock was more sensitive and the whole thing was more pleasurable, I just wished my partner was around then.
     
  12. IGY

    IGY Guest

    Well, I hope that the taste of success and the benefits after just 2 weeks will spur you on to much longer periods of abstinence. Have you told your partner about your addiction/goals and, if so, is he supportive?
     
  13. barnyjay

    barnyjay Fapstronaut

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    Hmm, dreams have done that to me too. But Im hoping they will stay away. I an thankful for the honesty here and want to learn from it. Hms74, Im root in for ya! If others can do it, I know we can!
     
  14. friskyfella50

    friskyfella50 Fapstronaut

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    Hi fella - sorry to hear about your relapse - as the saying goes though, it's not how you fall over, it's how you get up :)

    I also was just wandering about the new forum you started ... was it something more for gay men?
     
  15. hms74

    hms74 Fapstronaut

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    thanks a lot for the nice comments guys

    @friskyfella, well to be honest I started it for gay people, but then I thought I will do for everybody, but opened different threads for straight, bi, gay and for those who dont want to tell. I will need some members for sure hehe. I guess it will take some time for google to find me
     

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