A collection of "concepts": How they help, how they hurt

Greetings NoFap Brotherhood,

It seems like after every failure, when I indulge again, I get fortified, committed and motivated again, even inspired, PUMPED UP to succeed. I re-double my efforts and when I come out from time with my Therapist, I'm jacked and ready for success. My weapons seem to be based on clear concepts that help our "NoFap Practice". One week it was "I'm on an Adventure". I see myself on the path, like an Arthurian figure, a knight, fighting enemies along the way, questing for the Grail itself, the nectar it contains, the bounty. If I relapse, I've derailed the journey.

Another helpful concept was "Re-parent yourself". My passions have grown in me to the point of enslaving me because my parents didn't discipline me . . . . my appetites and pasions were allowed to take control of the entire household when I was probably 5 or 6. I whined, cajoled and pestered the shit out of everyone until they gave in, and now I give in. The concept was "discipline your child, take charge, manage your behavior".

Another helpful thought was the "Committee in my Head". When I made a decision it was like a board room meeting. On one side was "Impetuous, Lustful Child" and his ally, "Unreflective, Lazy Slacker". . . . on the other side of the table was "Spiritual Seeker" and "Noble Idealist" they had tools, but not a lot of courage. . . . so who chaired the meeting and controlled who would win? "Real Self" who should be in charge of decisions instead of "Impetuous Child" . . . who needs to sit down and shut up! But with every fail, the kid in me wins, like a disobedient kid in a supermarket. . . . mom just throws up her hands and give the kid the candy bar.

The concept that's helping me today is "Flee Temptation". . . . I noticed when I relapse, I've been planning my relapse for hours. My mind was made up at 5:00 to fap at 11:00 when my wife finally goes to bed. The decision was made hours before the act and I felt powerless to do anything . . . . folks, that's slavery. FLEE temptation when it's in the idea stage. Don't secretly peruse porn just to see what's new. BAD idea. Win the battle in your head WHILE it's still in your head. SOoooooooo hard for me to do but I refuse to quite trying. With God's help.

The downside to getting too engaged with these concepts in that it sometimes keeps me totally "up in my head" and out of the reality of my direct experience. Concepts are mental . . . they're helpful, but the direct experience of real, real self-care or self-love is transcendent of the mental. When I'm making the decision to Fap or not masturbate, I need to be right in the moment with the "lights on". For instance, think of porn stars as being somebody's daughter, maybe a father who's crying and grieving his daughter's decision. I've got 3 daughters . . . I want them to be proud, self-realized young women. I need to see reality . . . Porn is a totally exploitative industry that I refuse to contribute to . . . it has put me in slavery, RIGHT AT THAT MOMENT, and I need to flee slavery. Flee temptation . . . directly. I need to see that love means action, care for myself means consistency. Losing out on a Dopamine buzz after 2 or three hours of edging is not good news for my brain, but it's great news for my soul.

Thoughts?