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A common theme of escalation

Discussion in 'Porn Addiction' started by LavaMe, Apr 28, 2017.

  1. LavaMe

    LavaMe Fapstronaut

    I've noticed a common theme of escalation in porn addiction. This isn't a revelation but I'm just adding my voice to it. Ultimately porn can most certainly lead to homosexual urges.

    I first encountered porn as a five year old boy. My neighbor friend had some of his dad's magazines. Around twelve or so another neighbor friend found his dad's magazines. In my mid teens I was exposed to my friend's dad's videos. In college I bought magazines and videos. After college the internet was growing and I found lots of porn on it. With the internet there was no longer the shame of buying magazines from seedy stores.

    Early in my use of porn I quickly wanted more fetish or bizarre porn. At first it was just very large breasted women. Then it was amateur porn, particularly swingers magazines. I then got my kicks from mature porn. Then I discovered transwoman porn. That really was exciting. At first I used a mix of heterosexual fetish and transwoman porn. But over time the transwoman porn won out. It wasn't long before crossdresser and sissy porn was part of the mix. And it wasn't long after that that gay porn started to excite me.

    As I've reflected on it I've definitely seen how this happened. This is natural with any addiction to seek more and new excitements as the old stuff or level doesn't do it for you any more. I know I'm not gay. Touching a guy sexually, if I really think about it, repulses me. If I did it I would feel dirty and disgusting. But porn use has gotten me to where I have in the past started to use websites to arrange meetings. I've never followed through but obviously I've taken a step in that direction.

    I've realized a few things. This is all about degrading me. There is some strange impulse to degrade myself. All of this is opposed to what I believe is right. There is some titillation in the taboo for me. As one taboo was indulged enough to where it wasn't so taboo I needed another one. Of course porn is entirely degrading. It is for the users and the performers.

    Personally I think it is demonic. I realize other people will have different world views but what better describes it? Porn and masturbation for me is like a voice sitting on your shoulder whispering to you to do something you know is wrong. What it is encouraging you to do is to drag yourself down. You know it is wrong, or at least you have some sense of a voice telling you not to. But you ultimately chose to surrender. I know it is a cheap thrill that will ultimately make me full of shame. The short distraction and pleasure will be surpassed by the negative feelings. But I still chose to do it.

    Anyway, those are my thoughts on the addiction and how it drags you down. I'll share a few things that has helped me somewhat. First is to really meditate/think about how porn is a poison. I've conditioned my mind to see porn as a helpful release. I need to break that conditioning by thinking of it as toxic. The other is to think about how much better my life will be without porn. This is imagining myself being free and all that I can do with the extra time, energy, and happiness. These aren't quick fixes but just things to do to recondition the mind.
     
  2. YetAnotherInternetUser

    YetAnotherInternetUser Fapstronaut

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    Spot on dude, keep fighting and never surrender I also escalated from casual stuff to the extremes but I decided to stop and fix this. It will get better just make sure you're honest with yourself do the reboot and be strict no edging no P viewing. You are in control.
     
    charlie81, chiyu, jest and 1 other person like this.
  3. fhoger

    fhoger Fapstronaut

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    I hope progress is going well for you. I am also going through the same thing and for the same reasons. The thoughts and urges are fading day by day, but I also fear it may never go away fully, and I know I need to conquer that fear.
     
  4. Thanks for sharing, it is brave of you to be so open. I went through escalation too with my porn habit, unfortunately, that ended up with a criminal record because of what I ended up looking at. I'm the same as you with regards to the 'physical real life' practice of the things I saw, I couldn't do those things in real life. I think a lot of the problem with internet porn is the fact you are behind a screen and in a state of perceived anonymity. We also become very emotionally distant from the subject matter in that we abandon any sense of empathy for the people in those scenes (regardless of its legality) because we are more concerned with feeding the dopamine receptors in our brains as each click and different image or video equals a hit of dopamine. The pursuit of viewing porn is only ever a selfish endeavour and can make even the kindest and gentlest men into monsters. Luckily you can stop and revert back to a normal or at least 'more healthy' way of thinking about sex and just people in general, but it really takes complete abstinence and some proper soul searching to rediscover who you are.
     
  5. LavaMe

    LavaMe Fapstronaut

    It is not just porn. Once we do anything we think is bad, it becomes easier to do it the next time. And it becomes easier to do something worse. I started shoplifting when I was younger. The first time I felt so guilty about it I really had to force myself. The next time wasn't so hard. Luckily I stopped that downward spiral. But it is absolutely true any of us can become monsters.

    I think you are right about the anonymity and emotional distance. I notice the same thing driving. I used to bike and run a lot. Drivers can be real dangerous and aggressive to bikers and runners. But even though I knew this, and had a personal connection to the activity, when I got in a car I could be dangerous and aggressive. There is something to us being separated from the humanity of others, whether by a screen, car etc., that can allow us to more easily become monsters.
     
    jest and thorswrath32 like this.
  6. Facebook is a prime example of that! people can be absolutely vile. I no longer use Facebook and my life is all the better for it.
     
  7. Ultimately porn can most certainly lead to heterosexual urges.
     
    Deleted Account likes this.
  8. Buzz Lightyear

    Buzz Lightyear Fapstronaut

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    When you see how easily our human nature is degraded, it makes it easier to understand how whole cultures/ nations can be degraded from highly civilized states to barbaric ones in the course of a single generation or so. It seems that the whole cultural complex, and our civilized ego, is just a thin veneer.

    Your use of the word 'escalation' is interesting. I was fortunate enough to never escalate beyond the 'vanilla' kind of pornography... there was always a terror of doing so. As recovering addicts this term 'escalation' would be useful in describing the process by which one is first tempted to use to actually doing so. And then you would be quick to nip it in the bud.
     
  9. Buzz Lightyear

    Buzz Lightyear Fapstronaut

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    I don't think it is necessary to go this far, especially on a secular site, where this might 'alienate' people to what you are saying. We can resort to the sphere of common psychology in order to give an explanation for a propensity toward degenerate behavior... as opposed to theology that many are averse to. Without moral restraints, it is the dark horse within us, to use Platonic imagery, that gets the better of us.

    And this dark horse in ancient philosophy re-surfaces in Freudian psychology as the Id. It is a conception of a murkier human nature in conflict with the overly rationalistic and egoistical one of the recent past of modernity.

    The significant difference is though that whereas Freud recommended severe repression of the Id [as the very condition for civilization], in ancient thought, which built the west, this energy was to be restrained and redirected, as a rider would a horse. In a word, it was sublimation... and I for one think they got it right.
     
    Last edited: May 14, 2017
  10. LavaMe

    LavaMe Fapstronaut

    I understand that others disagree. But it is my opinion. Even if you disagree I think you can understand the experience. I think Plato is expressing the same sort of concept. Even with Plato his philosophy has some theology. He believed in immortal souls and anamnesis. And there is a connection between Gnosticism and Platonic thought.

    Plato was brilliant and certainly is part of the foundation of Western thought. I think one can get great insight into the human condition from him. If Platonic thought helps a man to better understand himself that is great.

    The main point is we all experience a war within ourself that in some way is connected to something greater than ourself. We all need to defeat our enemy however we conceive it.
     
    Deleted Account likes this.
  11. BoBo129

    BoBo129 Guest

    My porn addiction escalated so bad it caused me to get a bj from a gay guy because I couldn't find any women in my area. I'm still traumatized and regret it so much. Any advice anyone? It doesnt bother me that much. I just want some more advice so I can just let it go completely. I know I'm not gay or bi. My HOCD is using it against me telling me you let a guy blow you so you're gay.
     
  12. BoBo129

    BoBo129 Guest

    Porn can make you do crazy shit and act out in crazy ways.
     
    Mitchell1701 likes this.
  13. LavaMe

    LavaMe Fapstronaut

    All I know to do is to not ruminate on what you did. Take it as a lesson you needed to learn. You needed to learn where PMO could take you. I think in time the mental trauma will lessen. Don't let it drag you into thinking you are somehow now irreparably damaged because that will only serve to keep you mired in PMO.
     
    shdwbxr likes this.
  14. BoBo129

    BoBo129 Guest

  15. Buzz Lightyear

    Buzz Lightyear Fapstronaut

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    Plato was using language figuratively; he was using a picture, an allegory, to say that human nature is somehow like the image of a charioteer.

    It is quite different to theological talk of a demonic influence/ possession. This is literal.

    Where near everyone can imaginatively relate to figurative language. Only a small percentage can relate to demonology. Just a thought.
     
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  17. I am new to this site and starting Sexual Addiction Therapy. A married man with children, and my porn usage was escalating to include ladyboy and gay porn. Your post describes almost to a T what i am feeling and have felt, but in my case did get into acting out with men. Repeated over the years 6-8 times and made me crazy but then just felt compelled eventually to repeat. Anyway thanks for your Post......it was very helpful to me!
     
    LavaMe likes this.
  18. Hitto

    Hitto Fapstronaut

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    All porn is gay
     
  19. Border_

    Border_ Fapstronaut

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    This concept is so important to be reminded of. I haven't really escalated into shameful behaviors IRL with other people from use of PMO. And probably most PMO users haven't. But it would be foolish to think we are immune to the trap others have eventually fallen into. I haven't really had a significant consequence or humiliation to base my recovery off of, for the past 8 years my use of PMO has been very infrequent in large part.

    So sometimes it's tempting to feel like it's not that big of a deal. But I know there's serious chaos and disorder lurking beneath it's surface and want to finally get long-term abstinence from it before having to go through something really unpleasant related to it in my life. It's great to have a community where we can benefit from the experiences of others and get reinforcement from it.
     
    LavaMe, Hitto and Mitchell1701 like this.
  20. Rediscovering my true self is the best part of this journey. It's hard to describe but so true. I loss myself somewhere in that fantasy world of fake porn people.
     
    chiyu, thorswrath32 and Mitchell1701 like this.

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