A couple of years later, my life was changed by finding this website

Discussion in 'Success Stories' started by Deleted Account, Jul 20, 2018.

  1. I check on this site occasionally only because I am not in the fierce battle I once was. I post today only because I am having a really grateful morning.

    My life changed by abandoning PMO. It never occurred to me that I might even have a problem until I stumbled onto this site. Jerking off to pornography was just what guys did and I had done it for decades.

    For me, it was an addiction that brought me to some very dark places. Finding this site allowed me to see that I was not the only guy with this problem. The PMO addiction ultimately led me to as bad of a place that I could ever be. Suicidal thoughts started to plague me. My story is similar to many here.

    I found this site, went for hard-mode and did a couple of 90 day runs. It was really difficult and I put a lot of thought, discipline and lifestyle changes into it. I got support from the friends I made here...guys I'll never meet. The bond I felt with them was very strong. Who knew that dialogue from strangers could have such a real effect on effort and emotions? This is an amazing community.

    I got through some hard mode challenges which led me to start to view myself in a new way. I decided to go see a counselor about this overall view of my self and the six months I spent with him were helpful. Time and money well spent, I recommend it.

    But starting with NoFap allowed me to get there. All of the resources offered here helped immensely. I have thanked this site and the men who helped me many times and my gratitude remains.

    My life externally is the same as it ever was. Internally, I am not carrying around the huge crippling weight that I carried for decades. I lived with a cancer of shame that was fueled by this huge addiction to PMO. That shame defined me and colored much of my interactions with so many people.

    Externally everything looks the same to those who might know me. Internally, the landscape is different and continues to change.

    I am close to 60 and never thought any change was an option when you are this fucking old. But it is and it's been remarkable, life-affirming, huge. Because I am not in this intense daily battle, I can offer more to the world around me. I am far from perfect but I think I am throwing more positive energy out there these days.

    Having read many forums and having years to beat myself up, I am aware that I might sound cocky. Normally, overconfidence can be a great set up for failure...I get that and have been wary over these last couple of years.

    I still have a porn blocker on my computer and electronic devices...it just makes it easier. I am very leary to test myself. I was struck last night that rewiring has occurred but also a part of me had atrophied. I guess I might be on guard forever but the further I get away from it, it all seems a bit strange...jerking off to a computer for hours. But that's what I would do.

    So quit jerking off to pornography and your life will change.

    It sounds so simple but the reality is, I happened to me. I quit PMO and my life changed.

    Unlivable becomes livable.
    Last edited by a moderator: Jul 20, 2018
  2. David1221

    David1221 Fapstronaut

    That’s good man, love this post! How long were you in this addiction for and were you cured by the 90 days?
    Deleted Account and strength54 like this.
  3. Randox

    Randox Fapstronaut

    Well done!
    Deleted Account and strength54 like this.
  4. Pornography was always there but it got crazy with the internet...just like everybody here is experiencing. Decades... I started to get things under control over two 90 day hard mode stretches. It's really difficult but then it's not so difficult. I wasn't sure what I was doing with my self so I hit the counselor to talk about some bad stuff that had been thrown at me over the years. All of this shit is connected but the discipline of not jerking off 24/7 was key for me.
  5. C_m

    C_m Fapstronaut

    Great post. I really get that feeling of no longer living in shame. Addiction and shame are in a cycle, one feeding off of the other. Without the addictive behavior, it becomes easier to live an open, honest shame-free life. I've also used the image of the porn addiction circuitry in my brain atrophying. I can feel those pathways getting weaker and fading every day. The other primary aspect of recovery has been in developing new pathways based on healthy behaviors. My brain and body are healing. I am recovering. Thank you for this post.
  6. Cylon

    Cylon Fapstronaut

    Thanks for sharing your experience! What kind of other lifestyle changes did you make?
    Deleted Account likes this.
  7. First lifestyle change was frequent journalling that got started here. Now I continue to journal for just myself. (Posting here a lot initially helped but then I found myself getting off the topic of PMO although, in reality, PMO affected all aspects of my life.).

    I am a runner so I followed through with some races. I started meditating more consistently.

    I paint so a lot of my new stuff is an expression of an inner landscape which helped with the shame thing. Nothing like painting a work that is a representation of a dark time in your life, hanging it in a gallery and having someone buy it. Total karma event for me that dissipated the power of things that had laid hidden for so long.

    No abstinence really but just more moderation with everything except jerking off which there could be no compromise about. I started following through with things I already did because I wanted to make it through 90-day hard mode. I had this goal in mind, so eating better, working out consistently, drinking less had a bigger purpose...to get to 90 days.

    Cold showers....amazing tip I learned here.
    Last edited by a moderator: Jul 20, 2018
  8. Very nice story to read!
    All of it is recognizable to me, the shame, the addiction. It is amazing how much 'lighter'/more sober, more clear my mind without feels without pmo.
    Keep it rocking dude !
    strength54 likes this.
  9. Great to hear your story. Im very glad to read how much of a change it has had on your life to overcome.
    strength54 likes this.
  10. This and your other post about ssa is exactly what I needed this morning. Thank you so much for them. It’s awesome that you took the time to come back to try to strengthen those of us who are still weak.
    strength54 likes this.

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