I've been masturbating since almost 8 years now. I'm almost 20. Few weeks back I found an amazing friend, loved spending time with her, the period of time in which I was with her, about 20 days I did not even THINK about Porn and then she went away to another city and I was left alone again with only Remote-Friends and no real ones but I cherished each and every memory of the time when I was with her in my mind and reminded myself of the joy I felt after the long talks...visits...meals..bike rides...just hanging out in the park hand in hands..ohh I missed her and still do...after she went away 6 days more passed and I DONT KNOW WHY, I didn't even felt like doing it (that rush of pleasure wasn't there, at all) but I did it anyway and Relapsed. Since then I've relapsed like 10 times in a period of less than 10 or so days. I've tainted the memories of the best new year I ever had. I hate MYSELF FOR IT. I am A Fukingg mess. Help me please someone. I cannot even tell any of my friends becsuse no one is that close and I live in a country where talks like these are frowned upon..I dunno why but it is how it .. and this is killing me man!