A day in the life of Jennica

Well I agree with her.

 

Please, this feels like you are trolling my journal as you tagged her in your post continuing to argue and egg her on. That seems quite stockerish to me, please let it go. You had stated your opinion in other threads about her, I don’t want nor need that in my personal journal.
I have great respect for her and quite clearly see eye to eye with her, I have yet to read a post that I don’t agree with her on.
Please respect that.

 

That’s commendable that you do that, that’s one reason why I read some of the other stuff, to understand better.

 

This week was ok. I’m thinking about and remembering to much. Hubby and I had what we were referring to as a standoff rather than an argument.
It ended well so we know we are putting into practice things we have learned.
Long story short is communicating even on small talk. I felt it wasn’t happening again, not even with positive stuffs. That feeling of talking to a wall, even when it’s something I need to get off my chest.
I was also trying to talk with him about the concept of the timeline and showed curiosity about it. To keep it short it didn’t really go well at first.

We handled the “standoff” well, we had a rather vulnerable conversation about what we were feeling. Still ended up going out Friday night and had a good time dancing with friends. Yesterday morning we had a great retro about it and other stuff.

I know he is still feeling incredibly down on himself as he almost relapsed in his sleep. He can’t remember a dream at all. He said it was hardest to combat.

I certainly am not going to be upset about that. He can’t control what he does in his sleep, I would never hold that against him. He’s upset that he didn’t stop himself immediately, but had before O’d and was not edging. He still didn’t and certainly stopped, he still has not relapsed.

I did try to tell him that sort of thing can happen to anyone outside of a PA, he is still a living breathing person who has a natural drive. He wasn’t thinking or conscious of anything that had to with P so this could just be his natural drive coming out now that it’s been just over 6 month and that’s nothing to be ashamed of. This isn’t something that happens regularly even if it’s a dream about porn, it’s a rarity for him.

Last night we had a birthday party, it was good. I know my hubby was a bit uncomfortable being around his friends wife’s two sisters. Long story in regards to them he was in rather important social gathering, I was supposed to go but he had made it difficult for me to go and spent the weekend flirting and somewhat hoping for a “thing” to happen with one or both of them.

For me it was incredibly hurtful and embarrassing knowing about it. Anyway he had apologized to his friend and wife and extended the apology to her sister who had vocalized how uncomfortable she was at the time. This was years ago at the hight of PA.

I think for us being around all of them was handled well. I know he felt shame about it all but he handled himself well. I’m proud of him for taking the responsibility, I don’t believe he needs to be to hard on himself, he had made amends to them and owned his behaviors with them.

 

A really good retro today. I have looked into a book that @GhostWriter has suggested around the forums to read. I’m going to add it my Kindle. The betrayal bond.
Reading the sample, when it spoke of what it physically does hit me a bit. There was a post I was responding to here on NF a little while ago and when trying to respond I became shaky, started to feel some anxiety even though I really didn’t feel angry are anything. I felt emotionally level but I was feeling it physically. This does happen now and again still, so there is something to that.

Hubby has put into practice our silent grounding when triggered or feeling urges in public. It worked and he said help to move past the temptation and habit of ogling while having drinks with coworkers this week. That’s a good positive, he wants to continue to do that to beak the cycle.

We talked about morning sex and woods when he feels is “safe”, genuine to act on it. I feel I have a bit more clarity on what he’s thinking.

 

I guess I don’t understand about getting ahead of him. Could you explain the reason behind him reading it first?
Or what if we read it together?

 

Betray bond, breaking free.... by Patrick Carnes is the one I was referring too.

@GhostWriter
I get your point and it’s possible but just so you see more of our history it’s been over 4 years. The first was him acting out IRL. It was through affair recovery that I learned and started to see the red flags with PA and 6 months ago for the truth in his PA to come out with discovery when I found his collection.

Interesting enough it seems our history with PA is the opposite of the standard when it comes to disclosures. Porn to hidden IRL behaviors ours was the IRL to porn.
I would like him to read with me or as well. He is certainly open to it as we talked about in our retro this morning. He does own quite a bit of his PA behaviors and we have really good communication about these things now. I know I’m certainly past the worst of the emotional effects however I’m aware there could be and most likely is residual and other aspects of betrayal trauma I could be unaware of. If you believe having him read it first will help, we will certainly take your advice under consideration. I know I have great respect for how you see things.

@TryingHard2Change
You have read this book too, what do you think of the book as well from a PA perspective?

How do you gentlemen see the book helping your perspective with this?