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A decade of porn addiction and a teenager life has ruined by PMO

Discussion in 'New to NoFap' started by AgainstPMO4LIFE, Feb 1, 2015.

  1. AgainstPMO4LIFE

    AgainstPMO4LIFE Fapstronaut

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    FIRST OF ALL I really thank you so much to the founder of NoFap for creating NoFap for saving humanity and also save many lives across the globe. I was a porn addict before I recently found NoFap after reading some stories, the stories that is written by the founder of NoFap and watching some of the videos on TedX that the founder have posted in an article on NoFap.com, It has come to a conclusion that I MUST STOP PMO. Last year, It was a dreadful year for me. I got fired by my boss in January 2014, because I could not handle my job pretty well, and also I delay my university for one year because I could not catch up with the lesson and everything, but now at the time that I am writing this I already heading back to university. And I want to tell you about my stories of how I walk to hell and how bad I want to get away from it and actually go to the awesome land just like what fapstronauts have told all the fellow fapstraunaut in the video of NoFap Academy Channel on YouTube. I discover internet porn since i was in grade 6 at the age of 12 or 13 i guess now I am 23. At first, i felt so great because it is the first time to have seen a full nude body of a girl, by girl I meant a young girl 18 years or over of age or even under I didn't know at those time. I think we all feel the same at the beginning of reaching our puberty. After coming home from schools, I always went up stair to a room(not actually rooms but a space for all of my family, sleeping at night) and I have hidden some old magazine that contains some nude photo of a girl and I also have bought an erotic books that is written in my language KHMER to read and start stroking my private part without knowing that I am actually masturbating to porn. And when high school came, I still continues to used porn. To be honest, I even skipped classes in order to go to internet cafe to watch porn and there I usually wear face-masked so that I can porn and ejaculated inside my pants without making anyone noticed my face, THIS IS ACTUALLY A VERY EMBARRASSED THING, THE MOST CRAZIEST THING I HAVE DONE AND I REALLY HATE MYSELF FOR DOING SO. Every time I go to school, I was surrounded by my friends (DIRTY-MINDED friends). We boys all not so stay focus on the teaching from teachers but instead we try to look under the girl skirt to see their panties (upskirt voyeurism) and to see what color of underwear they (girls) were wearing , this is purely is an act of voyeurism thinking about it back, I felt SICK OF MYSELF, IT IS DISGUSTED AS HELL. Here in Cambodia, For girl when they are going to school, they usually wear skirt, long skirt or short skirt as long as it's a skirt. This action continues until I finish high schools. Days after days, years after years, I begin to use porn more and more, by not knowing that it could cost a really bad effects to my brains and at the times I thought that I don't have any great ability to learn math, physics, or chemistry or even to learn my own language which is KHMER because I cannot stay focus and that my mind are vividly thinking about porn. SEE because of Internet porn it has ruined my entire young student life. This is not the end yet, when I finally passed my high-school with so much struggle with this porn and stuff and went on to study in university, i still continues to used porn as well.
    THIS TIME, it is the times that HIGH-SPEED Internet has arrived in my country cambodia and this time, I finally have my own laptop, which allowed me to FUCKING DOING THOSE UGLY STUPID THING privately in my own FUCKING room. I am so mad with myself as at the time I am writing this post to you, why do i do it and why do i continue doing it. I guess it is all because i again have believed in my dirty-minded university friends that have told me that masturbating to porn is just the normal stuff to do, because everybody do it. And there is one of my closed friend even say that YOU Cannot find a man who doesn't masturbate to porn, and any men who is not a pervert is not a man, they are surely be a feminist or in my language we define transgender, gay or lesbian people as "Kha Tery". From that moment on, that I have become more and more addicted to porn. i called myself 'psycho' even though i have never act out any severe action against women. Because we all have been educated that if we act out any sexually violence behavior onto women and girls we would sure be register as a sex-offender and become a criminal that commit crimes against childrens and women. That's why it is scare the hell out of me every times I thought about it. I don't want to end up in hell, I want to go to AWESOME LAND and LIVE AN AWESOME PORN-FREE, CLEANED LIFE. I have my own goals even though it is long term or short term goal and I want to be a successful in my career as web developer, and I believed that we all do have our own goal. After a decade of using porn in almost many categories, i have reach to an extreme level or categories, the most disgusted, evil-minded control, and a helly hell level, I started to used oh my god i want to kill myself so bad SO BAD when i think of this, that I don't want to live on earth, I have start to use child porn. That i found it on this russian image hosting website. I don't know whether or not to mention it here. It all started because back then when I was hanging out with my DIRTY-MINDED friends, He introduced me to LOLICON Hentai, a japanese manga porn that consist of severely sexually actions that involved with minors or underage anime girl. The dopamine of my brains that release when I fapped to that porn was increasing that at some level i could not control myself at that time, that i had began to search for child pornography, or this porn called lolita. "OH MY GODNESS, WHat the fuck is wrong with me why do it all come to this why, I DID NOT MEAN TO DO THIS NOOOOOOOO" this is the question the voice that once was inside my brain, and I STILL HAVE IT NOW. TBH, I never feel happy or excited or feel goods at all everytime i used this porn (lolicon porn or child porn, i remember naming a folder and hide it in my computer and called it pedo stuff but it had been deleted already because i feel so ashamed of myself or my other-self and even want to just kill myself right after every ejaculation while watching or viewing those medium) this is my true confession.
    I remember one day that the urges has hit me, that I cannot walk with my normal face turn, but i walk faced down, i even try to run like a psycho because I am afraid of seeing any young girl or any women who wear sexy clothes or short skirt that could trigger my brain into this evil mode, I am SO AFRAID, that I CANNOT CONTROL myself, that I WOULD COMMIT CRIME OUT OF THIS STUPID-MIND THAT I had in my brains at the time I haven't found out about NoFap. At this point that I have finally knew dat I am a porn addict, That I need a serious help from any other community to help me recover to reboot my brains to a normal mode and live my life freely from porn and to burn down my path that i had built for all this year to porn land and finally overcome PMO and be successful with my professional goal of becoming a web developer.
    To ALL FOUNDER, I don't know if it is right or wrong to ask you this question about NoFap online academy is it free or not?. I really wish that it is you know kinda free. If u could do it but i can understand if you charge people for using your online academy course. I think i will end this post here but I will start posting update on a newbies forum of NoFap and here in reddit. I will take my 3 months challenge. And in facts there is more stories to be told, i would spend sometime to write about those awfully and painful heartbroken experienced that I used to had to tell other friend to stop using porn because porn is like heroin or cocaine drug that it will damage our brain cells and it make us become a mentally-ill person.
    Last but not least I DON'T WANT, DON'T WANT, DON'T WANT, DON'T WANT, TO GO BACK TO THOSE PORN LAND, I WANT TO GO, WANT TO GO, WANT TO GO, WANT TO GO TO LIVE IN AN AWESOME LAND, AND LIVE FREELY THERE WITHOUT PORN, LIVE FREELY THERE WITHOUT PORN, LIVE FREELY THERE WITHOUT PORN. I WANT TO FIND A GIRLFRIEND AND I WANT TO HAVE A HEALTHY RELATIONSHIP WITH A HER NOT MY COMPUTER SCREEN AND NOT WITH MY HAND WHICH MEAN NOFAP, NO INTERNET PORNOGRAPHY, AND I WANT TO HAVE A GOOD JOB AND EARN AN AWESOME LOADS OF MONEY. I AM LOOKING FORWARD TO MORE OF NoFap Academy Free Materials. I LOVE this community and completely be grateful to all of the members and moderator that had help make it happen, and let me get outside of my evil shadow, and make me become brave enough to say what I want to say, and heal me, make me overcome porn in the Present moment and future and FOR LIFE.
    FYI. I have just found out about NoFap within 2 or 3 days, I am very motivated and heavily wanting to change my life FOR GOOD. I AM READY TO BEGIN MY CHALLENGE.

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  2. Pavel

    Pavel Fapstronaut

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  3. DogDaysOfLife

    DogDaysOfLife Fapstronaut

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    You necro'd an ancient thread, Pavel. Haha.

    Good on OP for quitting and especially for deleting that pedo folder. I hope he hasn't returned to that dark place. Discussing specific porn sites is against the rules here so that no one is tempted to follow any links. Giving links to child porn sites is also illegal.
     
    Pavel likes this.
  4. HopeFaith

    HopeFaith Fapstronaut

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    Very long post, but good luck with our goals
     
    Pavel likes this.
  5. Pavel

    Pavel Fapstronaut

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    Yep, lol, hope he had find what he was looking and never returned to see those sites, dopamine high seek is a social killer most of the times, it desensitize us.
     

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