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A difficult day....

Discussion in 'Rebooting in a Relationship' started by MrsK, Apr 14, 2016.

  1. MrsK

    MrsK Fapstronaut

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    So today my husband had a day off work. Nothing unusual midweek due to shifts. I was working. Normally he gets up at 7am ish and texts me to let me know he's up. Today it got to 9am and not heard anything so I thought I bet he's had a relapse and therefore doesn't want to speak to me. This has happened lots of times before as well as lying about it too. I rang him and he didn't answer but rang me back about 10minutes later. He assured me everything was OK. I got home at 1pm to find he hadn't don't a few of the jobs he needed to do. This isn't normally the case. Am I being paranoid? The warning signs to me are
    - The time he got up
    - The fact jobs that needed to be done weren't. (He had done some jobs)
    - Both of the points above are out of character when he's doing well
    - The fact he's lied before as doesn't want to lose his (40days) sobriety.
     
  2. OK, you're probably right. Sounds likely he relapsed. But what does this mean, and what happens next? What are your feelings about this, and what are the consequences for him?

    If you're at the point where you can't take this anymore, he's had his final warning and this is the last straw, then it's pretty simple. You need to confront him about it, and if he can't convince you he's still clean, then you move on to the next phase: rehab for him, divorce, or whatever you feel needs to be done.

    If you're NOT at that point, then it's more complicated. He's an addict, and addicts slip sometimes. You may want to vent some anger at him, but you need to stay calm and think about how best to get him back on track. What he already did is less important than what he does next.
     
  3. Rav70

    Rav70 Fapstronaut

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    I'd be worried too.
     
  4. TheWife

    TheWife Distinguished Fapstronaut

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    One of my fav quotes from the book "your sexually addicted spouse"
    "A trustworthy person bears certain markers: they are consistent (predictable), they take responsibility for their own actions and they admit when they make mistakes rather than blame others. They do what they say they are going to do and their behaviors match their words. Trust is something that takes only seconds to shatter but takes what feels like an eternity to rebuild."
    He has to earn your trust back and it doesn't sound like he is being trust worthy right now.
     

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