To those that may read this to try and help, first I must say thank you. This is one of the most horrendous experiences I’ve ever had to face. In comparison to others who have gone through different experiences, and without a doubt much more grueling in a physical and a spiritual sense, this may seem immaterial; in fact I’m pretty sure a standard response I could get from this if I approached a stranger about it would be something like: “Man up cupcake”. The truth though is that I simply can’t go on, not like this. To those reading who might be worried by the tone, or even seeing red flags or getting trigger warnings, I can assure this is not THE cry for help. I may feel like a tortured soul just now, but I can assure you I am NOT preparing for my own personal gallows. Writing this for the whole world to see, it may even be enough. A cathartic release to help relieve my fatigued psyche. In the grand scheme of things, in a world that has gone quite frankly off the deep end, this would be at the bottom of the priority list. To begin with I’ll give you a brief summary of who I am and why I have decided to post this here. I’m a late twenty-something happily married man, for three years now. I came across NoFap when I read an article that popped up on my Facebook feed, I read into it and decided to give rebooting a try. It was a fairly short reboot in all honesty, approximately three weeks, but I felt great for it and it also made me realize that my old porn and masturbation habits had to change; after all I’m married now so its time to step up to the plate. I still partake in PMO but the emphasis now is definitely on the O and not P and M. Returning to the issue at hand. The truth is, I think I am falling in love with my wife’s best friend. And, it is tearing me apart. When I find my mind to be quiet, she is there. When she comes to our apartment to visit, I’m so glad to see her. If she asks me, or my wife, for help then I will be there to help in whatever way I can. When I came to this realisation, I immediately thought to myself this is just a crush, she’s beautiful just like my wife (although with a significantly different style). I even told my wife that, as I was worried that I had seemed weird around her. Being the wonderful spouse that she is, she told me not to worry about it. Being very open herself, she told me that its ok to have a crush and she gets them as well and it’s natural after all we’re only human. As time has gone on though I’ve found myself going in a different direction. It feels like love, as I mentioned earlier if she needs anything I’m there, but not quite like it was with my wife. It culminated recently where I dropped having a day to myself to help her with an art show when my wife was unavailable, she was freaking out about every little detail and overthinking so I did what I think I do best. I listened, gave some words of encouragement and assured her that she had done a great job which frankly she did. When I went home and said our goodbyes we gave each other a hug, which to me is significant as she hates hugging people. Ever since, when I am not busy whether with work, reading, writing or spending time with my wife I find my mind returns to her. The lack of focus brings me to her every time. Returning to my original conclusion, it must just be a physical attraction, I decided to just try and relieve some tension and decided to masturbate. What surprised me here, was that I just couldn’t do it. I’m still baffled as to why. Aside from the different style, as I mentioned before, there a lot of similarities between my wife and her. They are both very intelligent, and have an amazing passion for art. As well as being beautiful on the outside they are also beautiful on the inside, and when they both speak I listen intently. Whenever she posts a picture on Facebook or Instagram or sends me a message I can’t help but smile, the trouble now being that I cannot distinguish between whether it is solely as a friend that I love and would anything for or if it means something more. I couldn’t stand having to block her out from my life even on a temporary basis, in fact it would be close to impossible anyway, but how can I move forward? By my estimates there are a few options: 1. Do nothing, and keep my feelings bottled up. Not the smartest solution as they would eventually explode out at a horribly inconvenient moment. 2. Cut her out from my life, somehow. As I mentioned this would be difficult considering how close my wife is with her, plus I think this would make me miserable or possibly worse. 3. Tell my wife that I think its more than just a physical attraction, and/or tell her how I feel. This is the high-stakes option, by putting my cards on the table I could make my relationships with them both stronger, or it could ruin them forever, along with their friendship also which I would never forgive myself for. 4. Using one of my favourite creative outlets, writing, to try and get it out of my system and see if some anonymous people on the Internet can help. This seems to work, it might help or it might do nothing. Out of the four options though it seems to be the least risky. So I guess has anyone else felt like this? If so, how did you approach it? Any guidance on what I could do would be great. Maybe you might think I’m worrying over nothing, or maybe you might think I’m doomed. Any advice or thoughts would be welcomed. Thanks - C P.S. apologies if I have posted this to the wrong section!