A Few Notes on Porn

Discussion in 'Rebooting - Porn Addiction Recovery' started by Icarus567, Sep 13, 2019.

  1. Icarus567

    Icarus567 Fapstronaut

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    Hello fellow NoFappers,

    I have recently relapsed from my PMO after about three weeks. If you read (or have read) my other post, "My Masturbation Leads to Evil," you know my history and my current situation. I have relapsed in the past, but this time was different. I really contemplated everything behind it and came to a few conclusions that I would like to share with anybody who has difficulty in their tough times. Now, these may be personal experiences, but I reckon that one way or another, you can relate to these concepts.

    1. You overthink it- if you relapse, you question why you did it. Why did I give in to porn? Why did I let it get the better of me? Not only do you do this, but it may be accompanied by some shame and guilt. I failed my streak. I was doing so well. There is no hope for me. It is all my fault. Your mind becomes so preoccupied with these thoughts that you lose sight of the most obvious thing: you are looking at the past and not the future. You cannot change the fact that the relapse happened. There is no time machine. There is no redo. You must figure out how to deal with it and make yourself better than before by learning from your mistake. The first step to this is acknowledging and accepting that you have done so.

    2. It is not worth it- put into perspective, those few instances of PMO may have been pleasing in the moment, but in the long run, it is completely useless. For one thing, you were not thinking about the consequences (more on those later) when you were doing PMO. No, your mind was running wild with hormones that made you feel so happy that you only focus on that liberating sensation. But really ponder this, what did you truly gain from watching porn? A dopamine rush? An ejaculation of semen? Did it benefit you financially, intellectually, socially? You probably don't even incorporate it into other aspects of your life. You may keep it hidden as a dirty little secret from your family and friends. And therein lies the problem: too much pressure is placed on PMO as a source of pleasure. It is emphasized as a note of character and behavior in life. You don't need it. It is a desire. It is a drug. It is addicting. But it does not define you as a person.

    3. The consequences are not worth it, either- these may sound typical for some, but the reason is because they are true. You can live a better life without porn. Porn is damaging all around. First, it destroys neurons in the brain and can result in some impaired cognition and weakened memory. Second, it can lead to some nasty withdrawal effects, including mood swings, trembling, and lack of sleep. Third, watching porn may lead to strained relationships with significant others. We may want to demonstrate what we view online to women (or men) in the real world, but it only fuels the idea that we see them as sex objects rather than actual humans. This can lead to relationship problems (porn has been known to end relationships and even some marriages), which only leads you back to the loneliness that you felt before, then the PMO starts again... it is a vicious cycle that must be broken. Fourth, if you do get intimate with someone, porn may be lead to "performance problems" (i.e. erectile dysfunction, premature/delayed ejaculation) that do not feel good for either partner. Finally, on a more general note, porn consumes much time that could have been used for being more productive in life. That same energy you had during PMO could have been used listening to your favorite song, exercising, doing some chores, laughing, or even enjoying some time with friends and family. Accomplishing these tasks are WAY more rewarding than porn, trust me.

    Congrats, by reading this far, you have gained a better perspective and new insight on ways PMO has drastically changed you that you may not have realized before. So, how can you use these reflections to make sure you reboot properly. First, let me say that everyone is different, so these tips may not apply to all, but they could be useful if you apply yourself. One of my strongest suggestions is to write (or type up) your feelings. Bottling up your inner thoughts only adds to the stress we have about PMO, so by releasing them in your own words, you have already gained control of the situation. Second, try substituting PMO with another enjoyable activity (no, this does not mean switching to alcohol or pills for pleasure). Try finding a hobby or take up a new challenge. You may discover a talent you never knew you had, and you may just feel good when you do it. If you are still disturbed with your thoughts, try sharing them with a friend, family member, or (if necessary) a professional counselor or therapist. Similar to the writing, coming clean about your addiction lifts a HUGE weight off your shoulders, and further discussing them can be essential to combatting the problem.

    Let me end by saying this. We cannot end sex. It is a normal part of life. Likewise, PMO cannot be eradicated, only controlled. Ditto for recurrent thoughts of PMO. This is NOT an easy process (heck, you may even have some moments of weakness). However, understanding the problem from various viewpoints and contemplating subsequent solutions may be a key factor in productivity and earning feelings of satisfaction, achievement, and confidence.

    Questions? Comments? Any other tips? Feel free to reply.

    Thanks!
     
  2. PoloMarco

    PoloMarco Fapstronaut

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    Thanks for sharing this, and good luck on your continued NoFap journey.
    I encourage you find real, tangible things to replace hardcore P. To be honest, when I was in the early stages of quitting PMO I was edging, watching soft core, and following hotties on instagram. That helped me quit P completely as I was able to satisfy my need to be turned on by a screen, yet not M and O to the screen.

    That period of not-quite-no-PMO lasted for almost 90 days for me. What I did to move on to 100% No PMO was unfollow any hotties on social media, no longer look at hard or soft P, and honestly the most powerful thing was that I stopped worrying about nofap. Before my ~150 day streak started, I noticed that watching NoFAP youtube videos were actually triggering and would lead me to urges and relapse. Find other things other than reading about nofap to keep you from fapping.

    What I did to get out of no PMO and out of flatline:

    Stopping PMO
    - Exercise
    - Do stretches that relieve tension in your groin areas (lunges, wall sits, runners lunge, toe touches, etc)
    After stretching for 10-15 minutes, you'll find that you stretched and now the urge is gone or reduced.
    - DO NOT lie in bed when you wake up. GET UP immediately.
    - Go for a walk or have a smoke
    - Take cold showers
    - Use nofap to build other habits that you want to bring into your life. Remember that every time you do not PMO, you're gaining strength. That strength can be channeled into other areas of your life, such as "I want to... wake up earlier/spend time with family/study more/work on X hobby/learn to do something new/talk to women/face my fears"
    - Only watch softcore (twerk videos, models, and NON-NAKED people). Eventually you'll need to stop this as well, but I found that it "calmed me down" and wasn't enough to want to M and O and wasn't enough to sustain my interest beyond a few weeks. Unsurprisingly, it is also a lot harder to find softcore material and you'll get tired of even searching for it.
    - Notice the times and situations that make you have an urge. For me, it was standing at my computer in a certain area of my room. Remove yourself from that situation.

    Getting through flatline to "true libido"
    - Kegel exercises
    - Exercise regularly
    - Take ginseng supplements (1000 - 1500 mg twice per day always with food)
    - L-arginine (500 mg as needed, do not take with Sildenafil or any ED med)
    - Sildenafil (if you absolutely must have sex)
    - Notice how people are more attracted to you, they laugh harder when you make jokes, you randomly make eye contact with people. Look internally and realize that this is much more exciting than PMO. (Personally, I'm not a negative person, but if it helps you remember that these benefits will start to dissipate if you begin to PMO again!)
    - Stop watching NoFap videos, and instead just read text stories. It takes more time and will keep you from PMO-ing.

    I am now at day ~150 and I feel incredible man. The benefits of nofap are very real. Use nofap to build your other habits that you seek in life. Good luck!
     
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  3. Brucewayne1444

    Brucewayne1444 Fapstronaut

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    Thanks. I was able to relate almost everything of it. I would also try to use the tips mentioned by u.
     
    PoloMarco likes this.

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