A Few Rebooting Tips - First post in a while

Okay... So I'm not entirely sure where to exactly put this post, whether it be in the Rebooting or the Success Stories section. I have not been that active of a user since February, and I do see a bit of changes, especially within the posting rules and stuffs. Overall it became more strict, and therefore it literally took me 15 minutes just to decide where am I going to create this thread. I think this section is the most appropriate as I am not going to share a testimony (considering I've reached a 121 day-streak of no PMO I should be eligible to post within the Success Stories forum), and instead just attempting to spend this free time (yes because free times raise urges) writing my experiences of fighting PMO over the past 4 months, along with some tips to share for fellow Fapstronauts.

So, as some might have known, I am a 15 year old guy. I began addicted to porn-related stuffs at the age of 10-ish. Started to combine porn and masturbation just May last year, and from then I realized that I should change and really committed to free myself off these chains. Discovered NoFap last September, but only started to be active in November subsequent to a heartbreak. November 2017 to February 2018 marked one of the most difficult moments in my life, having to struggle against multiple things happening at the same time. A broken heart, a twisted porn-oriented mind, financial family issues, confidence and self-esteem problems, etc. Every single time I started out a NoFap streak, it ended 4 days later. This brought me to frustration as people seem to achieve a 90-100 day-streak so fluidly, that at one point I almost thought of giving up.

But one day a fellow Fapstronaut's story fixed my way of thinking. Honestly I have forgotten his username, yet his horrible past experiences and strong determination to quit PMO really drove me crazy! To me his life was damn miserable, and comparing mine to his makes no sense, as people will say to me 'Why aren't you grateful enough?'. The one thing really pierced me in the heart is the fact that he was sexually abused by a man (same gender), who was a close relative to him as A KID. I then asked myself, 'Wait a sec. If he's able to have such a strong willpower to change, why can't I?'. Also, I am sure there are many many more tragical stories of people within this forum which have the same conclusion: that we all ain't gonna succumb to this shit regardless of how hurt we have been. Seriously though, I am truly hoping the exact person to put a comment on this post considering how he had inspired me to walk this far.

As a Christian myself, I've always understood the negative effects of sexual sins. But knowledge itself isn't mastery. It is not power and it only holds potential power. Execution is mastery. Hence, being a person who has all the knowledge in the world without applying those said knowledges is damn bullshit. It means you are being a hypocrite, who only show their understandings without actually doing something based on what they have understood. I insisted that I do not wanna be a hypocrite, so I decided to keep going and move forward (at school I've always been known as a good guy, but little did they know I was a sexual beast). Getting closer and closer to God actually works, and especially making an ultimate promise (like a vow) to Him had successfully made me withstand against some of the heaviest urges.

My streak number shows 8 days abstaining from PMO at the moment. Yes, indeed I had a semi-relapse at the end of those 121-day streak. And honestly life has been the most terrible since last November for me right now. Having a school holiday absolutely isn't helping. I'm losing productive activities to do, while my mind is currently in deep stress. My anxiety begins to rise from dormancy again, and I'm facing a decisive moment in my life, with no clue on what to do next. Motivation seems nowhere to be seen, and as my emotions begin taking control again huge mistakes were made. I even almost fully relapsed today! Something so stupid that I haven't actually done in more than 130 days.

Thus I decided to sit and make a short comeback to NoFap. Not that I was hyper active anyway, but these past 4 months (which were great months) I have only been opening this site to complete my daily check-ins on the challenges. Now that I'm lacking of things to do, it is truly much better to allocate these vulnerable hours to write something inspiring. I believe that NoFap is a media for us all to prepare ourselves as porn addicts, before we get to be busy with all those positive works, and then getting back to tell our success stories. Writing this post and revisiting NoFap in general remind me that we all here know one thing in certain: when there seem to be no hope left, PMO is NOT gonna be a hero who saves the day. My last and ultimate point would be, never be sure about something we should not be sure of. In this case, it's the thoughts of 'my life being the absolute worst out of the worst'. Go and browse through the NoFap forums, read some of the posts about past or even present experiences, and you'll know why you should be grateful. Seeing a lot of people put so much value on just finishing day 1 in their streak, touched me and make me realize that I cannot fuck everything up now. I must run further, and do not stop until I win this game.

Hopefully this can be an inspiration to you all (even if just a little it's fine!), and a constant reminder to me, to not give up. Sincerely wishing all of you to have a good day, peace!