A further step toward reborn

Hi everyone!

I started my long journey in masturbation when I was 13 years old: I remember when I was going through magazines and periodicals looking for models that made me very horny till one day I stroked my rod and then...you can guess the rest.
Since then I discovered night TV programs with pin-ups and pornstars but only around 17 years old I started to browse porn on Internet. Hence I've usually masturbated at least 3 or 4 time for week.

But until 6 years ago it didn't seem a big problem, or maybe I just hadn't realize it yet: in fact I finished my bachelor, did an internship, I started my master and arrived at 3 exams from the finish line. But then I entered in a state of blackout, a sort of trance full of brain fog, a mind state in which I seem incapable of concentrating and doing anything. Everything started with some unresolved problems with my posture (a lot of pain in my back) and my diaphragm that made me a bit depressed and so I started to masturbate more and more because seemed to be the only available source of pleasure. For two years on the weekends I usually went out till the morning because I drunk a lot and I felt comforted. I took bad habits like going to bed at 2-3 am during the week and so sleeping in the morning. I screwed everything up. In a few words I became the emperor of procrastinators.

Two years ago I finally decided that I could not travel along this path anymore because I'was non satisfied of my life's direction. So I tried to figure something out. Firstly my mind was a mayhem but then I realized that I have to split everything I want to change in small steps. And I work step by step individually. I've stopped to drink a lot during Friday or Saturday night, no more rum, no more tequila, no more whiskey. I rarely drink a beer or a half glass of wine. I started to have a more balanced alimentation: I learned to make my own meal plan, with calculation of calorie and a correct amount of carbohydrates, proteins and fats. And from the beginning of the 2019 I'm trying to quit PMO. Because I would like to restore my reward system for pursuing more challenging and ambitious goals. But it has showed a very difficult task. I ran into the Nofap community and downloaded the Start Guide. Hence I've highlighted many days 0 in my calendar: the longest streak without masturbating has been 6 days. Every time blows in my mind the unstoppable desire to look for

Spoiler: *Possibly triggering*

one of my favorite broadcaster on Chaturbate and then in a while I start to stroke my cock.

By the way I've only had two girlfriend but the second one it has been a very awful experience: I was madly in love with her but she didn't want to have sex (well she said the opposite but probably she was just making fun of me) and so this made me very frustrated. But I hadn't the guts to dump her immediately and so the relationship lasted for 5 years making me very depressed. In addition it's 7 years that I don't have sex with a girl. And the last one was a whore.

Here we are. I'm not masturbating and watching Porn from Saturday. But this time I have decided to share my experience on the forum. I'll write a log of my journey and if someone wanted to support and interact it really would be a pleasure.

Hoping that it would be my last day 0,
T.E.O.P (The Emperor Of Procrastinators)
PS, I'm not a native English speaker, sorry for my errors.